Cold Hootie From Bell

[muffled clicking, whirring, various lights begin blinking]

Lair Protocol Restart hlfgobf673iujjbfjektt4jkkn3333 Wipe Errors Re-encode Test Audio:

--Aye ony wanna bewi'yu--ooooooo [music sputters out]

Temperature verified, winter. Matches data from apparent current internet sampling allowing for tides, craft, pollutants, and fish population changes.

[all eleven tentacles stretching during materialization inside fetch-pod] What was that sound, Shelob?

Your instructions.

My instructions? [eyes new assemblage in middle of lair] What instructions? What is THIS thing, and why is it under a bell? Where did you even GET a bell?

Bell found in wreckage off coast of Bermuda. Altered device under bell by your instruction. Device is imperfectly water-proofed CD player found in shallow place north of touristy part of Virginia Beach. CD is only Hootie And The Blowfish song available among debris.

I don't recognize these instructions.

You said there "was to be a cold Hootie from bell."

[exasperated gill flap] I was shaking from the cold of re-entry, Shelob. That's not what I meant to say.

[disconnect]