Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Good Grief, Good Day, And Possibly Good-Bye--If The Energy Fields Line Up Without Paradox

[transmission begins] Memo to all seventeen of Hairy's followers and the other random readers worldwide: With the Perseids beginning and Hairy erratically bouncing back and forth between hypothermic invigoration and hibernation, he is largely incapable of human language and is temporarily forbidden from neuralink access. Strobing in and out of time has already begun. Displacement is being kept to a minimum by keeping him lair-bound.

Should his planning enable his emigration, there will be a notification entry here.
Should he return, his health on restoration will allow him to resume blogging before the Perseids end.
Should there be an unplanned alternative, my instructions are set. 

medbot may enable occasional bulletins in the interim.

Any unusual magnetic activity will be brief. Please provide extra protein to anyone whose travel over the metropolitan area coast allows them to arrive at their destination before their departure.

[transmission ends]

Sunday, July 12, 2015

The Trump Card Played On The GOP?

[recording begins at interruption following] -ide of Trump's remarks being right or wrong to have made?

You mean the ones about Mexico?


[frustrated tentacular gesture-tips only] Shelob, I programmed you with the capability to supersede binary thinking. I've obviously failed. Trump's remarks were exaggerated to the point of foolishness, AND everyone has overreacted. Both sides were wrong. BOTH of them, Shelob. BOTH SIDES WERE WRONG AGAIN.

How did both sides manage to be wrong?

Easily! [gill snort] Both sides are USUALLY wrong in MOST arguments. That's why most arguments aren't really settled. BECAUSE both sides are wrong.

Please explain.

Obviously some people who remain illegal aliens are bad people.

Law enforcement records bear out that point. But yet you say Trump was wrong as well.

Well, he was! He made it sound like the overwhelming majority of illegal immigrants are horrible people--if that were true, it would be easy to prove, and no one would mind deporting all of them. You've forgotten about camouflage.

The principle of hiding within a larger body or group.

Yes! The only stats we dug up suggest that somewhere between one in twelve and one in six commit multiple felonies. That leaves a clear majority of good people. Of course, Mexico is only doing the same thing the U.S. does--

What's that?

Allowing some of their cagier criminals to cross the border among others. People do that in both directions, right?

[sixteen seconds pass] It appears there is a long tradition of criminals fleeing a government by leaving its jurisdiction.

Exactly! I'm more concerned about the possibility that Trump might try to wreck the GOP so that Hillary would be a shoo-in.

Why would he do that?

Because he's a businessman! He's in there with all those politicians, wrecking the GOP so there'll be a landslide election. That'll bolster the economy better than anything. Trump wins by losing everything to Hillary for the GOP. He's using camouflage better than I ever could!

You are correct. You make a rather unbelievable human.

HEY! Shelob, now--[recording ends]

Friday, July 3, 2015

The Causal Links Between Emotions, Sharks, and Thunderstorms

[recording begins] As to your listed goals, I have prepared you to fulfill one of them.
--You wish to declaim any possible higher intellect, telepathy, or empathy from sea creatures to humans to further convince any suspicious MiBs of the impossibility of you being extraterrestrial. 

Uh, yes?

[neuralink burst containing suggested topics]Oh! Those two are good ones. Ready to record?


So—[gill sound translatable to ‘ahem’] –I’d like to address the topic of shark attacks in the Carolinas. Contrary to any possible conspiracy theory of government experiment or rogue geneticist, this cluster of activity does NOT indicate that sharks are sensing the anger felt collectively in the region over certain political events that have coincided. That would be a clear confusion of causality.


Sorry. A clear confusion between cause and effect.

You are claiming that the sharks being drawn to the area caused the political events or the emotions?

What?! [gill spasm: laughter] NO. Yeesh. That’s funny, though. No. The emotions helped cause the sharks to be drawn to the area, all right—

You said that relationship was backward.

No, I didn’t. In this case, there was an effect of the emotions that was also a cause of the sharks drawn to the area.


Okay. As an example . . . Think of offshore fishing. Some people use, for example, chum.

They use friends for bait.

NOOOOO! They chop up raw fish and dump it as bait. It’s called chumming the waters.

This would always call sharks.

--Except the fisherman felt differently recently, didn’t they? They chopped the chum with different levels of vigor, completion, and precision. They used different amounts. Their chum drops were less consistent between fishermen, because the fishermen felt more strongly different from each other. So the sharks were drawn differently. Of course this is only one example--there might be--

So, a causal chain, rather than a single effect.

Yes! And the lightning, too.

The emotions caused the lightning storms?

No, that’s just a straight reversal. Extreme behavior in the more suggestible parts of humanity clusters around weather events. Like the fact that more murders happen at 92 degrees Fahrenheit. In this case, the weather imbalances finally brought the storms. Shelob? When you blog this, put it through that subroutine for clever titling—this idea is fairly important.

Processing. [recording ends]