Friday, October 2, 2015

Hannity Vanity

[recorded segment begins]!@#$%^&*(_(*)^&^%$#@! He beat the record!

What record?

Most logical flaws in one pundit's half-hour show! [neuralink upload] Seventeen beats out EVERYONE else! Even Greta doesn't get over eleven very often! [waggles tentacles in a manner suggesting humor] He blew it away!

[rapid examination of show and related news footage] Fourteen, unless you count irrelevant arguments as logical flaws.

[three eyes blink] Of course I do. Even so! I have to say, by the way, full eleven-tentacled salute to that sheriff. Glorifying murder is always a bad idea. Calling him the LCC shooter makes sense. Shelob! How did I put murder in perspective on the blog last? [medbot slowly unfolds, blocked from Hairy's view by largest red tentacle]

[beginning diversionary tactic of involvement] You stated that saving a life can require an entire team of paramedics, doctors, nurses, and support staff, but that killing someone can be accomplished by a mosquito infected with malaria.

Right! Where did Hannity get off hinting at time travel?

[six seconds pass] He did not necessarily mean Obama should have made his statements before this event, he was apparently of the opinion Obama should have waited until a shooting occurred that didn't offend anyone. [observes medbot drawing nearer with prepared sleep syringe] Perhaps a mass shooting in a prison full of pedophiles?

Oh. . . No, I'm sure that would offend someone somehow. So this whole thing is just him caring about getting more people to watch and believe him regardless of how he might mislead them?

That does appear an accurate summation of his current career.  

He's the opposite of me! I have fewer than a thousand viewers who get the truth when I actually BLOG. It's a shame my health isn't what it should be--I'd be blogging a lot more. But he's a pro, right? He'd make a lot more money as a salesman of life insurance if people actually believe half of what he says. He's dressed for it, too. Shelob? Put together something on why he acts this way. I hope he finds a profession he can be ACCURATE in. Th--[medbot administers the injection, Hairy goes limp]

[recorded segment ends]


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