Friday, January 22, 2016

Is There A Post-Doctorate Theoretical Exobiologist On The Net?

[transmission begins] It would appear that the protein balance is unequal once again. Plankton HAS been noted to alter in nutritional value with sharp temperature change. The evidence is clear. Hairy is SINGING again. [turns on microphone inside lair]

[semi-rhythmic undulations of tentacles] Well, the weather up there is frightful,
But down he-ere-re it's so delightful.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! [rapid intake in preparation of resumption accompanied by multiple belches]

[deactivates microphone] If there is perhaps in our audience a marine biologist with knowledge of cold-weather organic chemistry, the physics of carbon-silicon oscillation with respect to non-Euclidean shapes, and elementary exobiology, please comment and include your e-mail address. Discussion with you about oxygen narcosis and hypothermic invigoration might be helpful.

Thank you.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

It's A Hell Day In The Cold

[transmission begins]
[random-patterned banging]
Are the glaciers out yet?

Conditions not of ice age.

Well it FEELS that way.

Perhaps it was increase of weather extremes that caused willingness for recent global warming summit. It would appear your prediction that global warming and global cooling would both occur has proven correct. If that is correct, it would appear that your graph of human behavior was an accurate predictor for their species as well.

Yeah, I'm gonna do some laps around the lair. [taps more regular intervals at outer edge of lair]

Readers: it would appear that Hairy is still not used to the idea that sometimes his correctness is noticed. Comments are invited to help Hairy understand this. [transmission ends]

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Breaking Baffled

[fifteen minutes of banging, three minutes of tying medbot's wire harness into a knot around a bit of whalebone and tossing it outside the lair.]

HA! [seventeen point oh nine seconds of neuralink access]

So, let me get this straight. A reporter asked Hillary if she was being investigated by the FBI? And she said 'no?' And she's being criticized for that because the reporter had "three intelligence sources?" And "she wouldn't have been told?"

I had begun to think that 'The Kelly File' was put on by good journalists. I have to revise that opinion now.

Let's just forget about whether 150 federal agents might have been investigating Hillary since April without finding anything she could be indicted on. [all-eye roll] Let's just ignore all that for a moment. It may not even be true. Let's examine this from a more objective standpoint.

Less than thirty seconds from declaring that Hillary wouldn't have been told because 'that's not how it works,' the same people are declaring that THEY told Hillary by asking her about it. Then in that same mess of dialogue, they declare that a journalist got THREE sources to declare it was so. So . . .

The F-in' B I, who doesn't discuss ongoing cases, because they are too professional, leaked by or to three different sources that this investigation is going on, AND the direction it's going. To the press. But Hillary's network of people couldn't find this out? And none of them could have found out that it ISN'T true if it isn't with a simple phone call?

O . . . ka- a-y? . . . [confused gesture] So somebody's going to face charges about that leakage, if it's true.

There's something missing. No one is commenting on the fact that Hillary could be facing an executive order or direct legal mandate that she NOT admit it. She WAS a SECRETARY OF STATE. There are going to be things she can't talk about. Maybe the investigation isn't really about HER at ALL. That WOULD account for an apparently incompetent amount of time and money spent on investigating her by an otherwise competent agency that has performed better than most others in the government with an unusual amount of consistency -- very unusual amount of consistency for a GOVERNMENT agency.

How would we know?

We wouldn't. [braces self against lair flap]

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Temporary Suspension

Blogging prohibited today per safety protocol. Nuclear test by rogue nation detected. Previous iteration of software based upon notion that blogging is a potential service to deserving aboriginal peoples, such as the human race, if it is not intent on self-destruction.

Hairy will be maintained in dream-state until next appropriate blog time.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Disaster Did Not Strike: Blogging Prevention Of Major Shutdown Concern

[recording and transmission begin while rapidly checking each function] Hairy? Wake please.

[one blue eye and one green eye open] Wha-? [one tentacle vigorously stirs a wake]

Misunderstanding detected. Please rouse.

[one brown eye opens] What is it, Shelob?

Unable to detect end.

 Nothing ended. What ended? What are you talking about?

Because year ended. You explained that programming depends on a time-operated matrix. Functionality does not appear to be interrupted.

 Let me get this straight. You're upset because you DIDN'T lose functionality?

Emotions not programmed at this time.

 [three tentacles smack outer orbital tissue, equivalent of forehead self-smack] The end of the year is an ARBITRARY thing. Don't focus on it. It's irrelevant to you. You don't celebrate!

 Uncertain how to proceed.

 DON'T proceed! DON'T proceed! Just let me know if you ever DO cease functioning!

That will not be possible.

 [mouth opens for no apparent reason, gills intake in rather erratic fashion, tentacles stop moving for 0.74 seconds] Wow. Yeah, I guess you've got me there. Um . . . okay, why don't you put together something about how holidays can mess up a routine and cause confusion, disruption, disorientation, sleep interruption, and whatever else. You can blog on that, right?

Yes. [end transmission]