Saturday, December 24, 2016

Safe Travel To All And To All A Good Adam

"Santa's Transwarp VTOL" by Herr D on Herr D explained it teleports and has snow and chocolate bullets for those less-Christmassy-looking locations. Also has VTOL for those tight maneuvers and holographic guidance.



I haven't reached Herr D for the graphic for Christmas Adam, and I have to write the blog episode before tomorrow.

You are scheduled to submit today.

--what! I mean, today? Did I remember to request that pic of Christmas Adam?

Christmas Eve.

It's a woman?

Eve is archaic form of 'night before,' or evening before, as in eve of.
Oh. So I don't have a picture for the blog? Well, I gu--

I contacted him before, requesting a holiday-themed picture.

Heeeheeeyyy! Good goin' Shelob! What'd you get?

[neuralink burst displaying graphic, extended caption]

Um, okay then--good. Why can't I reach him, anyway? Isn't he normally online now, anyway?

He is still traveling toward family on multi-stop journey. Internet activity within the past hour indicative of brief check-in with community. 
Oh. . . . So, blog on this travel business, and wish everyone better luck than I have traveling.

Right away. [upload, disconnect]

Monday, December 19, 2016

A Sucker Born Every Minute, Several On Every Tentacle

Ere the time when blogging began, there was . . .  [dramatic opener inserted here by Shelob]

[Hairy is cleaning a plankton vessel spout] Have you not commented on the fake news issue because you claim to be human?

Well now. Fake news. No, I haven't commented because it was obvious and inevitable.

Uncertain how this translates to trends.

Genuine writing skills, reading skills, have been criminalized. It started when morons in big business devalued technical writers. "Why hire THEM? We'll have our engineers write the manuals." So people got used to horrible manuals and not reading. The newspapers were written on what, an eighth grade level? Not hard. So everyone got the message that you didn't need reading and writing to be successful.

Eventually writers had the least successful field to be in and the most put-upon of occupations. Hollywood went further and further from original scripts, and politicians started bashing the media no matter how professional they were. Now the REALLY successful writers are criminals--see the cyclic progression there?

And you solve this by what?

Solve it? This is a problem that won't be solved except by reversal. People need to make writers your heroes again. Teach the kids there is no one more important. Show them examples of critical reading.

This does not sound immediate. Is there a more immediate solution?

--Oh, you mean stemming the tides? I think it might come down to lawsuits. You CAN sue people for misrepresentation, libel, fraud, malicious mischief, right? So that pizza company should be granted a settlement from the hoaxer that really squeezes hard. Let any reputable news agency that agreed with the hoax without fact checking be co-defendants.

You mentioned cyclic progression. There has been another instance of this in history?

Well, yeah! Call up that article on Prester John I was reading about last year.

[prepares neuralink burst] Ready for neural burst.

[all five eyes open wide] NOT yet. In fact, not at all! Summarize that for the readers who won't fact check, though they should.

Summary: Prester John incident. A letter surfaced, by some sources, in the early 1200's claiming that 'Prester John' or a priest, would be returning from a long journey to the far East with an entourage that would need to be accommodated. Fanciful descriptions included the possession of unicorns and other falsehoods. The entourage never arrived, because it did not exist. That particular article included the question of why such a letter would have ever been written. The article concludes by saying it was simply a fun letter to write.

Kind of missed the point, didn't they? Even if it was never tried, the writer or writers of the letter MUST have been thinking about eating the leftovers prepared for this fictional guest and his fantastical entourage. They hatched this plot to be well-fed for a few days and move on, and to do this again. Heraldry was always a bit of a con, anyway. And far too many messengers really WERE shot for bringing bad news.

You have spoken before about how trades, insufficiently rewarded, are dangerous to a society.

Yeah. Why don't you blog on this, Shelob?

Right away. [upload, disconnect] 

Friday, December 16, 2016

This Obama Drama To Pump Trump, Pillory Hillary?

[laughter] That's a good one. Shelob?


This guy has Obama in a conspiracy to de-legitimize Trump because he's after the Russian hackers which 'attempted' to affect the election!

The question is why do these Russians care who our president is?

[laughter] Because they want him to be president! That's not really that hard. Even if people believe they're WRONG, it's not hard to see that the Russian hackers think it's better for THEM.
You do not believe that is Obama's intention.
Well, no. I mean, Obama really isn't that stupid. Trump voters have that rock king thing going on, remember?

You are speaking of the troll king in the movie "Frozen."

Whatever. The troll king thing. What did he say again?

That he could easily fix broken heads but not hearts.

Right. So Obama isn't going to de-legitimize Trump with Trump's supporters by any means. Obama's too smart to think something like that would work. Trump is already illegitimate with everyone else because of, well, Trump.

Is there another reason Obama might act in a manner that would de-legitimize those without a cult of personality?

What? If he WAS? Well, considering that people tried to de-legitimize Obama for his entire two terms of office, he might be trying to teach Trump how to get used to it or drum up sympathy for him. Obama might care more about the country than being popular forever. Carter did. Obama scrapped more successfully with Congress, but was at least half as idealistic as Carter. [pauses, remembering]

You expressed sympathy for Carter allowing Reagan to take credit for the resolution of the hostage crisis. 

Yeah. Even if you look at the timing of the plane travel, you could see it was designed to make Carter look like less and Reagan look like more. Fear wouldn't have resulted in that same time table.

You don't believe that Trump's election will be reversed?

[incredulous look at speaker] You know I know how it's going to turn out. No more predictions for the blog. People didn't listen for two YEARS. I'm not talkin' now. [disconnect] 

Monday, December 12, 2016

Half-Asleep, Hairy Asks Blog Episode Solving Global Warming Controversy Repeated

[Hairy is semisemiconscious] 
What's this argument they're having? [sleepy]
The argument over whether global warming is real.
Are they still arguing about that?
Didn't we settle that for them?
Post that again for us, Shelob.

[REPEAT MATERIAL: Those with photographic or eidetic memories skip the following section.]

The Global Warming Controversy Solved Permanently In Three Oversimplified Steps

[transmission begins] Unusual lunar activity seems to have galvanized Hairy. He is in what medbot describes as "unusual emotive and compulsive state, with mathematical leanings." He specifically instructed that I present the following subject:

[recorded segment begins] --SHELOB!  . . . SHELOB!


[visibly relaxes all eleven tentacles] Where HAVE you been? The time-jump recalculations haven't even been started yet. You haven't even accessed the new data!

Working on urgent problem.

What urgent problem?

[direct neuralink download begins, and Hairy interrupts] --OW! I can't absorb that much data! What was that, the whole world-wide weather archive?

The first section and random samples for interpolation.

What is this even for?

Current arguments over global warming research and theory validity.

What. You mean that's in question?


Well, did you check their work?

Within current margins of error.

So, what's the problem?

Several important people claim that it is theory, and therefore, should not--

Oh, that. Well, they have a point. In theory, adults should act with maturity and wisdom, and look at the political arena. . . . sorry, Shelob. You're going about solving this the wrong way.

The mathematical and geophysical models were--

--the WRONG WAY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM. You can't do it that way, Shelob. The average person is only of average intelligence. The people running for office aren't really much brighter than that either. They won't understand some of the math or the science. You're going to have to solve this a different way.


[brief pause, ending in full five-eyeroll] Tell everyone to forget the theory and not to worry over whether the Earth is getting hotter or colder or spontaneously turning pink! None of that matters. What matters is that they agree on three basic things--count off for me.


Poisoning the air, water, and soil is a bad thing.


 Less poison is better than more poison.


 Waiting until scientists tell you you'll all be dead from something soon is STUPID. Everyone needs to work on permanently lessening the amount of poisons made and improving how they are handled a little at a time, in manageable amounts, until it's your offspring's turn to do it for you. That way you'll be ABLE to keep having offspring and surviving as a species.

Solution noted. You wish this idea presented?

Y--[recorded segment ends, transmission complete]

[Resume reading here, all those with photographic or eidetic memories.]

There. Simple enough! [begins snoring . . . ] [disconnect]

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Organization Is Not Necessarily Opposite Of Listlessness

"Brikker" by Herr D on

[snippet from Universal Biologic]
The only BLIND spacefaring race to have reached outside their solar system before first contact. The 'Brikker' make sounds through their 'nostrils' and by rubbing appendages together. They tunnel for food, normally, eating glacial mud. They hibernate in a folded position which allows surprising compactness of personal quarters. They make good money setting up colony buildings and mining equipment on pre-scouted planets and asteroids.

 I've been told that lots of people are going to be traveling soon--

Informed 37 minutes 7.199 seconds ago.

--So I thought I'd mention organizational skills in a blog episode. Very few of you have AI's that can--

No sentient AI's commercially sold to general public in this era.

--few of you have automated packing lists for trips. Even fewer of you have eidetic memori--

No such detected among audience.

--none of my followers have indicated eidetic memories at this time. So take the time to make a list or eleven lists. It will at least give you a moment's rest in all the hullabaloo that comes when prepping for a holiday. With All Saint's Day just around the cor--

All Saint's Day passed. Winter holiday collection imminent.

What?! [three-eye roll] Oh, yeah, sorry. With Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Winter Solstice, and Year-End celebrations just around the corner, take a tip from the Brikker species. NEVER go completely listless.

That word is incorrect.

Yeah, yeah. [end transmission]

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Gifts And Aphorisms About Them Require Dental Exam, Avoidance Of Non-Consensual Mating

"Gift From Afar" by Herr D on
I don't mean to be satirical--

Spatulation of shorter tentacles indicates untruth.

Well, yeah, I do. With full satirical intent, I point out that you should ALWAYS look a gift horse in the mouth and wherever else you must to have quality assurance. Not doing it in front of the gift-giver is nice. Do it anyway. Otherwise you get #$%^&-ed on the horse you rode in on.

You appear to be speaking of people, rather than gifts.

Well, that's because some people act as if they are a gift to the universe. People have to give back, because they AREN'T gifts, but burdens. Any living thing takes for its life. This is simple logic.

Is this logic too simple to dwell upon?

No I don't think it's too simple. Most people forget this set of particulars. [disconnects]