Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Naysayers, Not Kneelers, Cause Chaos--Who Lied?

[begin recorded segment with Hairy begging out of blogging again, claiming local fauna need assistance] Don't you want to know what this blog episode is about?

No, not really. [annoyed gill-flutter] Okay, what?

[neuralink burst of all available video about kneeling football players in recent news, and rapid-fire streaming of all articles in seven major news zines and digital reprints of print articles]
[convulses a bit] Eeee-ew! That's annoying. [all eleven tentacles spike outwards, translatable as an exclamation point]

The neuralink burst?

No! Well, yes, but I mean the deliberate reinterpretation of others' thoughts and actions.

You seem to think this misunderstanding is deliberate. You cannot be sure of that. 
No? Do a search. Look for ANYTHING mentioned ANYWHERE in the history of humanity before this football season that suggests kneeling is disrespectful of anyone or anything.

[exhaustive search of nearly twelve quadrillion bytes of information: 12 minutes, 43.86992731 seconds] There do not appear to be any. None found.
Well, I knew you wouldn't. It isn't. How many people are falling for THAT nonsense?

Parameters for determinative search?
No, don't bother. The organization Black Lives Matter isn't the most sensibly run or necessarily the best group on its cause, but the non-violent stuff? That's smart. It causes no problems, unlike declaring that kneeling could ever be disrespectful to America, its military, or its flag.

This would mean they are deliberately deceptive.
The people that are grossly lying about the protesters' intents and fooling or attempting to fool others into believing such stupidity? They are the ones causing a problem.

It would be helpful to titlebot to provide a more simple summation.
The truest mark of this protest? Anyone who doesn't like their cause can look at the flag instead of disrespectfully ignoring it and ignore the protesters. Disrespectful would be sticking the wrong finger at it, turning your back on it, exposing genitalia to it, et cetera.

Behaviors like that do not compute.

It's not supposed to; I just read that material on human behavior. I should go up on land again. That bookstore was very helpful.

[end recorded segment, upload, disconnect--

Thursday, October 5, 2017

News Sites Not Bright; Schooling Available

"Ush Hour" by Herr D on heromachine.com. Immigration to the Atlantic is increasing. Pity most won't survive winter.

[begin recorded segment in conversation between Shelob and Hairy]
You have not commented on Trump's behavior of late. Many websites are critical, the Washington Post is not. The pundits are only critical of how he talked about hurricane relief, not about how he acted.

No, he's talking the same nonsense. Not interesting. What IS interesting is that that bit about him following the same recipe as Obama got a different result. Clearly the short pamphlet on how to react in a weather crisis isn't too hard for Trump to follow. He acted as he was supposed to, whether he said what people wanted or not. The people UNDER him, the ones that aren't reacting as strongly, thoroughly, or whatever--they aren't doing as good a job. Not all of them are Trump hires, so he can't be blamed for all of that.

What or who caused 'all of that?'
My guess would be the very human but less than professional way they aren't maintaining their job performance under a difficult leader. That's not an excuse. They should be doing a LOT closer to the same level / quantity of work instead of less than a tenth as much.

You are pointing out the tendency to blame a figurehead for an entire administration.

Yes. Trump might be a poor leader or a poor president or anything in particular, but he isn't to blame for generals and bureaucrats not acting right. That they do sometimes anyway. Then there's the other possibility.

Which is?
There may be a worry that they have to maintain 'America First,' and so deal with Texas and Florida before Puerto Rico. They are a territory, and so maybe he counts them less important? That would be consistent, if slightly unwise. I guess I should have you remind people that comments are open? I am glad that the real morons don't comment here, but I'd like some intelligent, or even some pseudointelligent comments a lot more often, especially by people who don't mind me posting their screen names. I won't usually be available for unscheduled chat, because ten anonymous people is more than I can keep up with. [exits lair for swim with thought 'my the schooling is worse today!']

**Hairy IS looking for comments by people who do not mind being reprinted. As always, the occasional request with code YFEO for 'Your Five Eyes Only' will not be shown, only tabulated, categorized, and grouped for rephrasing with other similar texts in context besides direct interaction with or being ignored by Hairy. His current correspondence is taking him away from blogging, and so is not accepting any more chat invitations for the foreseeable future.**

[end segment, upload, disconn--

Monday, September 18, 2017

Weather Or Not He Should

[medbot is observing Hairy's vitals, as he appears somewhat in distress, supposedly over his observations of unusual fish migrations, temperature changes, etc. Shelob notes intention to communicate, begins recording]

So, does Trump believe in climate change yet?

No announcement has been made to that effect as yet.
Keep me posted. Most politicians do about-faces whenever convenient. Record-breaking weather events ARE somewhat obvious, but deniable. Ah, well. [disconnect]

Hairy does possess enough knowledge to cause weather events such as this, but he maintains that "the human power of denial could overcome any truth" and that he is not interested in causing harm. He will peacefully accept your destructive continuations.

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Et Tu Photobucket?

[begin recorded segment, interruption of Hairy's swim] Herr D is still having problems with the site formerly known as Photobucket.

How's he doing? And what'd the site change its name to?

It appears to be a series of profane words.

[gill-snicker] put me into the chat with him. And hype me a bit so I can read his mind properly. Too much weather happening.

[neuralink tweak, frequency redirect, 'sign-in' duplicated]

--of it. 700 pictures, most of which I put effort into. It's my portfolio! I haven't been able to look at any of it without feeling a little sick.

[others' information auto-redacted because of ethical issues regarding privacy and permissions not received]

Hey, Herr D! Heard you were sounding off and joined you. Did your portfolio host give you notice of this, at least?

No! I didn't have any warning. I don't have any money. If I'd had money, I might not have used them in the first place. There's SCADS of ways to spend money on that sort of service.

Yeah. Wait. Did you mean scads of ways to spend it or ways to spend scads of it? I think both are true . . .

[disgusted snort] If they'd WARNED ME,  maybe said that they have to do something about their bottom line, I'd have tried to raise the money to stay with them. I probably would've failed, but I wouldn't have felt betrayed. 

So you have to put in all that effort to copy and move your portfolio? That's a lot of effort.

Yeah? Well, I would have to put in effort to somehow raise the money they want and I'd likely fail at that! Figuring out what to do next and how to do it and when to find the time is hard.  When they turned off my loyalty they set me free. I could use your expertise. I know you've done things a lot more complicated than this.

[pause, examining site through neuralink] I COULD do a quick text paste of a year at a time. But I'd have to have the formats and all else pre-understood. [neuralink rapid data transfer] Your computer has all of it in that drive your cousin bought you now. Good purchase. It would be unethical for me to just tweak the site to give you what you deserve.

Well, when you say unethical, I understand--don't do any of THAT stuff. You don't know how to operate Deviantart, do you? I seem to have hit a snag. Wait. [disengage for a full minute] Did you just copy all of it over to my hardware?! ALL OF IT?! I didn't even see the drive light up. How did--

Yeah. One year at a time, like I said. Your format is easy enough. Deviantart is not something I get yet. I could study it, but you should explore it as a reorganization of your art. It might help you grow as an artist. Good to work through your feelings of betrayal, too. Your stuff is safe, anyway.

[bewildered snort] Well, I'm back at it then. May have time for special requests, but not today.

Take your time. It's been fascinating watching your progress.

[bewildered but grateful] Thanks. Bye. [signs off]

His emotional data seems mature.

Yeah, he's a good kid. Human or no, sometimes I think he has a good brain. [exits]

[end recorded segment, upload, disconnect]

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Houston, You Have A Problem: This Is Not The Rainbow Connection

You have not spoken about Houston.


Houston has another problem.

No. What's wrong? I was looking at the--wait, give me a neuralink summation--numbers only.

[.07726 second neuralink burst]

Ouch. When I hear water rising, I just ordinarily think "more space." Sometimes I forget people don't have gills. People DIED for this? [untranslatable sound] Guys! I'm sorry for all you're going through down in the Gulf there. I thought Trump was just bragging again! I didn't really listen to what he was saying . . . well, I guess MOST people shouldn't listen to what he says . . .

Perhaps you should predict the weather pattern for expeditious federal aid.

No. Meteorology is best looked at in real time, since 'modern' predictive models aren't very good. It's always best to think of a storm as an equalizing effect. Something is out of balance that causes a reaction, and the storm rages until the balance is attained.

Perhaps you should explain what the weather means, climatically. 

I don't need to say anything. When it comes to weather, the figures you provided say that people are very inflexible in what they believe about it. Some people imagine that their Supreme Being would waste their time with a weather event. Christians believe God promised not to do that again. I'm not sure about the others--Herr D only told me about this rainbow covenant thing.

The prismatic effect is believed to be linked to a specific event in time?

Yeah. I don't know. I guess there weren't any rainbows before Noah?

Preliminary searches determine arrangement made under a treaty known as "the Rainbow Connection."

No, that was Kermit the Frog. Different guy. I'm gonna go check on migration levels. Maybe this is why the fish are schooling this way? [exits lair]

Monday, August 28, 2017

Phailure Being Addressed, Party No Party, Gallery Galling

Herr D has been explicitly notified of his gallery's website's failure to comply with its original function and inability to correctly define "third party." He is likely to provide replacement links when available, but that will not be immediately, as his entire gallery is subject to this same problem.

Specifically, Hairy has granted Herr D ownership of the part of this blog that contains the pictures that are owned by Herr D. Like ownership is the case for every location of Herr D's art. Therefore, there is no "third party." Herr D is the only party in question, with links to this blog, the heromachine.com website, and his own, other unnamed project or projects.

Photobucket software is unworthy of conversation with an AI. Therefore, the onus for updated links will remain with Herr D except for specific cases where Hairy reviews Herr D's art and volunteers assistance.


Thursday, August 24, 2017

Suggestions From The Sidelines To Diminish Violence

"How Did Things Get So Bad?" by Herr D on heromachine.com.

[begin recorded segment of Hairy flabbergasted over arguments online]
Okay, I've done it too. Herr D was right to call me on that. I've made cutting remarks. Of course, I HAVE made cutting remarks against both dominant political parties. There's a lot to be made fun of everywhere. I'll say it again now: No human is perfect. That doesn't mean I approve of any particular behavior, and it doesn't mean anything is excusable in particular. That last sentence should tell you how foolish some of the arguments are that I've been reading.

About the best I've heard in weeks is that if we don't make EVERYBODY smarter then people are going to stay this unhappy with any administration elected from now on.

He was only talking about educating voters not to repeat certain previous actions.

Well, it's a corollary of what the man said! He was talking about how Trump's supporters will just vote for him again to similar results, but that isn't a uniquely Trump phenomenon. But really--the fact that people with lower IQ's were statistically more likely to vote for one candidate isn't the issue. It doesn't matter to Trump supporters that Putin would rather have Trump in office--if it DID, then it would bother them that Russian hackers bothered the DNC but not the GOP. Hacking the GOP wasn't even attempted. It doesn't matter to them that fake news and false rumors are being created by people on their own side. It doesn't matter to them that they are being manipulated by a rich man who got rich because people believed in what he would sell them.

It doesn't matter?
It doesn't matter to them! They don't believe anything to the contrary of what they want to hear. The facts don't matter, the lack of progress in any direction doesn't matter, and the campaign promises don't matter. Their feelings dominate them. That would be why eight years of painfully slow progress and economy-building don't matter to them. THEY AREN'T SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW IT WAS GOOD FOR THEM AND JUST WANT TO FEEL GOOD FOR A WHILE. No one can eat wheat germ twenty times a week without craving a little sugar.

What is your recommendation?
Let 'em feel good. It's not like democrats in Congress would be competent to kick Trump out if he had paid Putin by personal check to overturn the electorate in his favor. It's not like you can change the mind of a Trump supporter. STOP TRYING TO DO THAT.  STAY HOME AND WATCH THE FOOTAGE OF WHO IS A WHITE SUPREMACIST SO YOU CAN BEWARE OF THEM. Then, when you see them out, you can get between them and the minorities they threaten if you want to stand up for a cause.

You are suggesting not protesting them?
Why go out and warn them? SHOW UP AT THE VOTING POLLS AND GET RID OF EVERYONE YOU DON'T LIKE. Remember, crazy and stupid people are naturally motivated to vote. Don't neglect your civic duties. If you can't teach people to be smarter, outvote them.

Ah. [uploading]

Monday, August 21, 2017

Clarify And Pacify As Ninety-Nine Red Balloons Go By

[observes Hairy while beginning recorded segment] Hairy?
[Hairy is chopping up a semi-rotted plastic tarp which has floated down to the lair] !@#$%^&* So much trash! How does anyone think THIS will help!? I coul--

Hairy? [sends bot forward to slowly churn / wad tarp] Your audience is changing. There is net activity denoting first-time readers attempting to understand your views. Can you spare a bit of time to define your views upon Trump?

Umm. No. Not really. He's not worth worrying about. [turning on chemical analyzer]

Your viewers are curious. Perhaps overlapping issues?
All right. [sees readout, rolls three eyes] Ask a few timely questions.

How do you expect the Russian collusion investigation to resolve?
That's really not much of an issue. Most U.S. Presidents don't actually get punished for any particular crime. --I mean really--over forty powerful men that have at some point lied or broken promises to America? Men that were of a psyche that allowed them to pursue the most powerful job in the free world?

You mean you don't think they should be allowed to rule, or you don't think they should go unpunished?

I mean they were all a little twisted. That's a system flaw.

So it may not be worth spending the time to punish them or even to figure out their exact crimes?
Well, maybe not! I think it's more important to figure out why Putin prefers him in office so that America can prevent one of its greatest adversaries from getting something or several somethings that America would be better off with them not getting.

Maddow suggested it was international oil development.
Use the template of an undetermined goal set as a variable.

And the controversy over handling the removal of Confederate statues? [neuralink burst]
What? Oh. Well, statues of General Lee belong in museums about the American Civil War, whether they belong in public squares or not. I think the blunder was not just saying "Let's go preserve this over HERE." People didn't need to be upset. No one got upset about America owning swastikas. America owns quite a few of them. They belong in the Holocaust Museum, and no one questions that.

And your stance on the violence related to it?
Mental health professionals DO have their work cut out for them.

You are referring to racism as a mental problem?
Hate is always a mental problem. The one kid who rammed his car into the crowd has documented mental health problems. Not everyone will have a diagnosis to prove it, but hatred, as well as needless violence, is always sick.

You would classify ISIL as a mental health issue?
ISIL is a lot like that one I read about, the Munchausen By Proxy thing. People moved to hatred or delusion or even violence by other people. Some people shouldn't be allowed to run a hairdryer, much less influence other peoples' care or beliefs.

You already recently addressed your views on North Korea.
I did, yes. Luckily the 'might' of North Korea isn't nearly the problem of dealing with the other political entities after whatever happens with them. [successfully melts a unit of plastic into environmentally safe components] Hey! It's working!

You have stopped referring to some of the political entities as 'countries.'
By some peoples' definitions, you can't have a country that doesn't recognize human rights violations. That IS a feudal state, or a political entity, at least. We done here?

That is enough to post for clarification. [stop recording, upload, disconnect--

Saturday, August 12, 2017


[summoning medbot as Hairy has appeared in the lair at 1:14 EST, but visually incorrect, neuralink eval underway] Hairy? You have returned off schedule.

I saw it, Shelob. I got a glimpse of home. Right before I was yanked approximately North-North-East at a speed of 378 ygs.

By those figures, the eclipse caused your launch failure with an orthogonal force.
Doh! I didn't figure in the eclipse. Orthogonal? Yep. Yeesh. Full magnetic effect. That's why my blood heated up so uncomfortably and my tentacles swapped around. My biggest red one was on the other side when I left.

[medbot stands down]

--Why is the lair on radiation protocol?

[neuralink burst, as Hairy is indeed Hairy, of recent nuclear program progress of N. Korea]
Ouch. Well, the good news is that out of seventy warheads, it's likely that one or none will strike the mainland.

And the other news?
The bad news is that there are a lot of techniques they could use such as 'dirtier' equipment and 'doomsday' tactics. Kimmy-boy is crazy enough not to understand that he will wind up causing his own regime more destruction with his bombs aimed outwards than America is necessarily going to retaliate with. He likely has no idea about most of the more complicated 'aftermath' factors . . .

--Dear Holy Grimminitz!

You have thought of something. 
His nuclear scientists must be living a hellish life.

Because, why else except under torture or horrible coercion would anyone give a loaded gun to a maniac?

That is a metaphor?
Yes! Metaphor. This might be a very worthy cause . . . blog about this?

Agreed. [disconnect, as initial calculations underway, upload record--]

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

HDS' Suggestion Has Merit, Hairy Is Still Unavailable

By blog instruction #1, "I'll do it; don't worry about it," blog is untended.
By blog instruction #3194a, "Go ahead if you find a good, positive topic," entry possible today.

Congratulations and compliments go out to H. Doyle Smith, of P.O. Box 81, Dalton OH 44618, for endorsing, announcing, publishing, and otherwise suggesting a monopoly legislation tweak worthy of an advanced intellect and constructive toward the United States. Leaders should examine his and related possibilities for the correct next step forward.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Another Attempt

"When A Hero's Parents Are Too Human," by Herr D on heromachine.com. Overpacking can be hazardous.-Shelob

While Hairy makes another ill-advised attempt to emigrate toward his home using the inertial drag of the Perseids, he wishes anyone traveling a safe journey, despite any tendencies to under or overpack as depicted by new pic by Herr D.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

When You're Afraid Of Something, Let It Go?

"Escapee From Lab J" by Herr D on heromachine.

[laughing, deep in gills] That's just so FUNNY!

What is funny? The content of the newsfeed seemed serious.
[startles] Oh. Hi, Shelob. I'm sorry--Trump cut off access to most journalists. Ha! 'The cottage went dark!' [more laughter]

[deep gill intake] Well, he probably got sick of journalists trying to get information, be it through leakers, or slips of the tongue, or simply asking certain questions in certain ways.

The intended question was 'why is that funny,' but if he hated the interplay between the journalists and a spokesperson or himself, he could have written a script and seemed wonderful.
[one eye bugs out, two roll, one narrows, and one blinks] Uh, no.

Why not?
For starters, HE can't stay on script, so he wouldn't know how to ASK such a thing. Then take into account he'd be making his own fake news--I imagine he would detect the hypocrisy in such a thing. He's not a complete idiot. He just seems to have forgotten how to market himself. I daresay his new convert numbers have topped out. Plateaued? What's that phrase?

Bottomed out.
Right. Humans DO seem to have everything upside-down.

Like he should have prepared how to answer, rather than preventing some of the questions?
Like he should remember that when you have an alien monster by the back horn, you don't just LET GO!

Making journalists take up their valuable time to go through security WAS an excellent way to waste their time, hobbling their efforts. If you refer to deliberately giving the journalists more time to research negative stories about him, the phrase is, 'having a tiger by the tail.'
Whatever! I'm gonna go swim. Water won't be this cool forever. I hope they get the coral to quit dying. [exits]

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Do Not Be Alarmed; Trump Is Assuredly Human Says Hairy

"Amateur Night, Lavender Lounge, Deck 3" by Herr D on heromachine.com
You have picked a new favorite of Herr D's work.

I'm glad to see Herr D up to his usual stuff. That IS completely the wrong color scheme for that species--more of a maroon-legged, pink-horned palette. Well, the fins are right.

You are regretful about past, according to neuralink indicators.
I am! Sometimes I sorely miss working for Universal Biologic. [reminisces]

Trump's orange hair strongly resembles [species redacted] from your memories of travel.
[startles, splashing and rapid gill expulsion, three pupils dilate] --Oh, good grief! He is NOT one of those! He's too small! Besides, they're much less egomaniacal as a species than he is.

A young one perhaps, wearing a suitbot?
Well, that would account for the nonsensical behavior, but even so--too small because of the extrusions. Besides, any THAT young to BE that small couldn't possibly learn any human languages or use a suitbot that well.

Do you wish to blog with this presented picture?
No, Shelob. I'm going for a swim. [exits]

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

"Think What You've Done, What You've Asked For" Says Hairy On Scalise Shooting

"Let me be clear about what you likely accomplished, you moron!"

[turns blog function on, nearly breaking off knob] Shelob!

Here. You intend to blog? You have not blogged much recently.

Thank you for your service, DC officers who are still unnamed.

[scans Hairy's last newsfeed] Scalise has been shot during practice for a charity baseball game. The gunman in custody.

The message sent was that congressmen are vulnerable when they do charity work. Nice going. Now any money they MIGHT'VE  been willing to spend on affordable care is going to be used to beef up their security.

Didn't I say recently that congressmen should consider safe houses?

You did, yes.

Well, it's time now. [disgusted gill snort, disconnect]

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Classified Bads: The Defendant Tried Not To Offend

"Congressional Hearing" by Herr D on Windows Paint. He says he's sorry he missed that clip.--Shelob

[blog function switched on by Hairy by accident]

[laughing hard enough to cause ripples, gills at peak activity]

Hairy? You saw something funny on the newsfeed?

The [gurgling choke] morons don't quit, do they?!

No, Comey was fired.

NOT COMEY! He wasn't a moron. The guy on the feed! He actually asked what legal reason did an INTELLIGENCE CAREER DUDE have for not publicly discussing what could be classified material. AFTER the dude tried to be nice and say it 'wasn't appropriate' but would be happy to discuss it in a closed session.

It was inappropriate?

IT WAS AGAINST THE LAW! Congressman Moron was demanding that his witness break the law! I mean, doesn't that count as conspiracy to attempt treason, or something?

You don't know either?

I don't know, but everyone THERE is SUPPOSED to know! Trump is properly called ignorant of the ways of being a president, but these guys are experienced and prepared. They HAVE no excuse.

You made similar valuations of Congress' during other hearings.

Well, yes, now that you mention it. They were just as stupid when they interrogated Hillary. I mean, these guys probably get together and one of them says that they should all study up on how to be like Perry Mason. Then the senile old 6@5#@&!5 go home and listen to Perry Como by mistake. That's probably why they wave their hands around so much. They're trying to CONDUCT an investigation.

That was a pun, correct?

Yes! Hey, that means I coded your humor recognition functions better! We're off--[blog function off]

Friday, June 2, 2017

Greatest Ecological Hits Linked In Quiet Protest Of Accord Walkout

Oh is the element of surprise, according to recent comic strip in Washington Post. The following is an attempt to surprise Hairy into blogging.

[live interaction, unplanned]

[Hairy starts to put on the neuralink, and doesn't] He did it, didn't he?

Who did what?

He stepped out of the Paris thing.

The Paris Accords on prevention of climate change?

Yeah, that. How hard will it be to jump continuua? Go someplace where the climate isn't ruined?

1.338 times the energy of an emigration attempt. No continuum selection possible.

Right. No control over the destination does make me hesitate. At least that guy Jerry is doing better. You know? I haven't been blogging as much recently.

You have not. 

Right. Why don't you provide links to those former blog episodes on the topic of climate change? Two or three oughta do. [exits for a swim]

[.00000000000000000671 second scan] These links are for your enjoyment. 

Controversial: Provides fossil fuel recipe and potentially offensive material for atheists due to misunderstanding of taboos.


Convergence of views: Summation of why topical arguments are pointless.

Inspirational: A solution currently being explored by certain engineering firms.

Enjoy. [disconnect]