Friday, September 26, 2014

Thongs, Threats, And Thiamine Deficiencies

"Super Pageant Winner" by Herr D. Rights reserved.
He repeatedly refused to speculate on what an 'Iron
Footathon' might be, but I'm pretty sure it could only
be one thing . . . painful. --Hairy Deewon                     
So I was watching some fairly recent footage of beauty contests--

In super slow motion.

I was --  studious. I found them to be amazingly pure and honest.

And lustworthy.

Hey! [tentacle flutter] No, really! Pure and honest. Those ladies knew people were staring at them the way everyone wants to be admired and so did everyone else. Some people talked to me while I was out about being admired. Shelob gave me a few counters to use inside the suit for keeping track of the numbers:

Of 160 polled, 85 women and 75 men, all between ages nineteen and fifty two, all customers of a discount clothing store, a sandwich shop, and an upscale Chinese restaurant, only 12 men  and 53 women said they wanted to be admired for their looks by strangers.

All 75 men said they wouldn't mind other men not noticing them at all if they had their fill of womens' attention.  36 women said they would feel 'more confident' if admired more by other women.

I'm beginning to see why pollsters draw wrong conclusions. The data I found was confusing.

And time-consuming. Compiling it all prevented algae removal and B-vitamin synthesis project.

Oh, just let my home have the weathered look, okay? [untranslatable cursing] I FORGET THE POINT I WAS GETTING TO! JUST FORGET ALL THAT!

Erasing all reminders.

WAIT! NOOOOO! Uckhhh.  .   .   .

Ladies and gentlemen, I've got to get back to work on Shelob and my home. Enjoy looking at the picture, and here's hoping you get to feel admired today. [disconnect]

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