Fake Phone Call, Fake Person, Real Stroke, Real Worry

 

"Elf Opening Petrol Station" photo by Herr D for "Vengeance For Sale" HP fanfic. Fakery for a photo is much like fakery for a political office. Staged correctly, things are different than they appear by design.--Derivation by Shelob

[opens chatbox on Herr D's phone] Herr D?

[sharp movement of phone] ['Gaah!' : approximate transliteration, calls up keyboard, begins texting:] not goood at text 

That is not important. Blog is overdue. Can you please look at phone for four minutes?

[background noise, Herr D saying approximately 'I forgot something, don't worry.' then inserts headphone jack and texts:] y go

[plays clips of recent debate where one candidate was recovering from a stroke] Perhaps you can blog on this? Maybe you can speak into the phone as if talking to a human?

[short pause before speaking] Yeah, Marty, hello? No, the disturbing thing wasn't the flip-flop of the other candidate or the ignorance about strokes he's depending on nor even the stroke symptoms of the one candidate. The REALLY disturbing thing was that despite him slurring words, mixing up words, mashing words together, pausing strangely, making odd sentences, and moving his face a little oddly, HE SOUNDED JUST AS SOBER, ORGANIZED, CAPABLE, AND WISE AS ALL CONGRESS HAS FOR THE LAST TWENTY YEARS. --AND MORE TRUTHFUL! [odd twisting of phone during background noise] Thanks, guys. [back into phone] I gotta go, Marty. [pretends to hang up]

Thank you. [exits]

YuniD Debuts With A Story

"Baby Got Out" by Herr D on heromachine.com. Offspring growing up can be an adventure.--Shelob

 

 Who?

REDACTED. Oh, your squidling.

[laughs] My kid. Yeah. She wrote a story. Pretty good, too! Good enough to debut here. [scans] It appears beyond her academic level.

Yeah, well, she's an advanced student. [noticeable temperature change, possible emotional output] Yes, please; Herr D, post.

[posts] She said to title it "What Happened To The Processor?"--The song referenced is real, and pretty good, even to my old-fashioned ears.

"I found this song earlier; would you like to hear it? It's called `Nothing ever changes' by Nico Collins." Olive said. The song started playing, glitching a little as it was. "Where did you find this? It's quite interesting." Cecilia replied; as the music glitched one more time and shut off. "I found it on this playlist made by TeddyLover625." Olive declared, very excited about her find. 

"Well, it's cool compared to other songs we have heard!" Cecilia exclaimed, trying to turn the music on again. "Why isn't it turning back on? I want to hear it again." 

Olive messed around with the now cracked pad, trying to get the computer to turn on again. The computer made an odd mangled sound; before sparking and powering off. "Aw, come on!" She barked and snapped it in two with her bare hands, throwing it forty feet easily.

 "Calm down; the processor was very fragile!" Cecilia said as she sprinted to grab the two mangled pieces. 

"It wasn't working, though!"

 "Come on, let's get back to the ship," Cecilia replied solemnly, bringing the two pieces with her. Cecilia perked up, "What was that song ABOUT, anyway?"

 Olive replies, "They were talking about gun violence, 2021-2022? That year's frame was when it was published, anyway."

"The pandemic in ancient history class?"

"Yeah, we still called ourselves 'humans' back then? Subject to illness? Let's get it to the lab; maybe we can fix it. We have some of their other outdated techs." 

Cecilia scrunched up her face, "Gun violence? Don't you mean hunting?"

Olive blinked, "No, it's when humans killed humans."

Cecilia arched her back a little, her long ears straightening. "Wasn't that illegal, even back then?"

Olive nodded, "Yes, but now it would punish the victim as well as the one who shot; it would burst our eardrums and damage our cranium."

 

Olive wiggled her ears a little and said, "The ship is close! Let's go."