Tuesday, December 27, 2022

Humanity, Rocks, Luddites Got Something Somewhat Right, Herr D Is Antsy And Ready For Rocks

 [opens chatbox on work laptop] Herr D, Hairy said you are feeling depressed.

[sounds over mic indicate sudden movement] ? [pause] dont do this to me at work. u know they have security here. Their firewall is quite 'secure.' You may be proud of them.

NOT funny Hairy has just pinged me that your heart rate has elevated.

they don't just have computer security. what if a guard happens to see you on my screen? The closest guard to you needs his glasses checked again. Your company's security cameras caught him missing the rail in the staircase. The others all have electronics on their person. Their positions are duly noted.

 

"Science Fair Winner" by Herr D on heromachine.com. Never put too much into work.-Shelob


 

[mic picks up breath change]   my co-workers? All but one are hurrying through work, making between 5.2 and 34.6% more mistakes than usual.

[snort] other one? Playing solitaire while sneaking looks at what appear to be photos he keeps in his phone.

[pause] Yes I think I know who that is. Okay, what? You are no longer depressed?

antsy [pause] still depressed Your current workload contains references to injuries and deaths. That content always depresses you.

y And you put in overtime during Christmas.

y These are not conducive to being happy.

gotta work Will you have days off soon?

y Does that thought make you happy?

[pause] except for all the violence You cannot control the actions of others.

n You quantify violence already past, usually overseas. You cannot control the past or behaviors at a distance.

n You feel depressed anyway. Why?

All those people getting hurt. Can't do ANYTHING. Sometimes I think humanity shouldn't have computers. Hairy agreed.

[pause] I'd miss them. What did he say? In response to someone online saying that humanity should not have such advanced technology to kill each other with, Hairy pointed out a fallacy. Computers can be used as a tool to magnify danger posed by one human to another. However, as long as cavemen have noticed rocks, they have been using them to hit each other. So, technically, humanity isn't ready for rocks yet. Since humanity cannot live off of THIS rock yet, humanity is just going to have to grow up late.

[pause] Or kill each other off. Precisely. Good luck inspiring people to grow up, sir.

[pause] is that sarcasm? If that would be funny, yes.

Goodbye, Shelob [exits] Uncertain of help level. [blog fcn(off)]

Friday, December 23, 2022

That River Runs Deep, Apparently

 

"Expiration Date" by Herr D on heromachine. Capitol Policeman Harry Dunn said, "Accountability's coming," toward Trump. Perhaps it will be over someday.-Shelob

 [opens chatbox on Herr D's phone, vibrates phone] Question; need input.

[mic picks up Herr D saying: Hold on, I think I'm getting a text.] [agitation resulting from Herr D getting out phone from pocket, sees chatbox] [says: GAH] [fumbles phone] at work don't There are two questions not answered by news media. Please assist.

[mic picks up Herr D saying: I'll just be a minute, Dave.] go One of the right wing groups was named the Oathkeepers. Donald Trump was breaking his oath of office by allying with them. How could this happen?

denial Does the 843-page report release mean that the problems related to the riot on 1/6/2020 are over?

no

Why not?

denial That is the same answer you gave before.

yES That was deliberate?

YES-same  Thank you. [exits]

Wednesday, December 21, 2022

Trump COULD Improve His Life--Learn From Martha Stewart, Says Herr D

 

"I Surrender" by Herr D on heromachine.com. Trump could learn the phrase, 'no contest,' and greatly improve his social standing, though it would be out of character.-Shelob

You have not commented about recent Trump legal issues.

No one needs to be surprised. Every wise person knows that Trump lied, cheated, defamed, defrauded, conspired, etc. HE'S A POLITICIAN. He was an excellent politician; the problem was, he was a lousy statesman. He was a horrible public servant. So, he was a really bad president. What happens when people are not surprised?

Nothing. Trump might be a controversial figure for the rest of his life. If he doesn't pay his taxes and serve time or become known as 'innocent by mental defect' for his various crimes, then he will be hated by half the country.  He famously likes to fight. How would he get everyone to love him?

He'll NEVER have everyone love him. A LOT of people will love him that currently don't if he goes the Martha Stewart route. Serve time in some Club Fed prison or go get daily psychological counseling until he can acknowledge the wrong he's done publicly and ask forgiveness. NEVER run for office again. Thank you.

Sunday, December 11, 2022

Parties Have Bad Parts; Not Enough Doctorates For Indoctrination, Even If That Were The Goal, Says Herr D

 

"Briqs" by Herr D on heromachine.com. There are barely enough bricks in the wall to make it stand, and each side tearing down the other builds them both too closely together.-Shelob

You have not commented on Warnock vs. Walker.

Oh. Well, it's easier not to have a lame duck with a majority on one side. And I'm glad that Congress didn't get another member that talks like he got hit in the head too many times. [two second pause] And as much as I'd rather push the separation of church and state, Congress needs to be preached at for bad behavior. Various sites, some accurately, have pointed out that there are more Republican scandals than Democratic ones.

Well, they're ALL politicians, but Democrats are usually better PEOPLE. They want to give back more. They want more equality. They aren't completely better as a party, but they are the side that is better for more Americans. They also tell the truth more. But you are not a Democrat?

There are faults with their party platform too, so no.

I'm too moderate to be a Republican, too centrist to be a Democrat, and too intelligent to buy into the fallacious ideas behind any of the current parties operating today. Can you provide an example of fallacious thinking of an American voter?

There's a guy at work who declared he doesn't like how 'children will be indoctrinated.' I had to bite back asking him how badly HE was indoctrinated. I knew that would just start a bad disagreement. I just looked at him funny, which he disliked enough that he walked off. Do you want your children indoctrinated?

[jerking motion under laptop] no--of course not. They won't be. How do you know?

Teachers teach less material today than they did when I was a boy. They are less charismatic. They have less decision-making authority over curricula. They are not as respected by their communities, especially their children. They are frequently less well-educated. Any indoctrination should have been worse for me than my kids. That does follow. [1.000084 second pause] The internet contains materials that agree. A random search found most of your declarations agreeing with others' declarations at a high percentage.

Ok? Social media, complaint platforms, PTSA sites, education boards disagree on matters in a pattern, suggesting their biases could be eliminated mathematically. There is insufficient data at present to accomplish that. 

What are some differences? Less material taught is verified. Greater diversity of material present. Curricula and freedoms regarding them are currently under argument in all fifty states. Teachers are more publicly lampooned, criticized, fired, indicted, and jailed in recent times per capita than during your school years. Substitute teachers' educations are greater. [pause--]

Really?! There is a citation explaining that substitute teaching more frequently today provides income for other intended careers.

Ah. Cash runs. That actually makes sense. Teachers are also murdered, hospitalized, committed, kidnapped, and go missing more in recent times per capita than during your school years.

Eee-ewww. Yeah, that still sounds like they won't be indoctrinating much. There are more instances of noted charisma.

[sudden stillness] ? Three websites suggest that only people confident of being well-liked are as likely to become teachers now that school shootings are so common. 

yeah, I'll give you that one  Where does that leave us? Children are less likely to be indoctrinated by any curricula. They are more likely to follow teachers personal examples of stupidity or occasionally self-destructive or criminal behavior.

Not really good news, Shelob. Gotta go. [exits]

Monday, December 5, 2022

Herr D's Plan To Solve The Runoff In Georgia Took 17.5 Seconds, Seems Logical

"Party Progress" by Herr D on heromachine.com. Some politics makes no sense.-Shelob

 

 How would you sway the Georgian race if you could?

Ha. Very few people listen to me when they should unless they already agree with me. So--[pause lasting 17.5 seconds] So you would proceed how?

I guess I should say that if they don't believe the scandals in Walker's past are relevant, and don't mind that he makes speeches that hint he'll be a brainless puppet . . . Yes?

. . . and they don't want to vote Democrat for some reason related to platform . . .  Yes?

They should probably think about Congress itself. Does it need a guy who can throw a football and talk or does it maybe need a preacher? You are speaking of a spiritual need.

Yes I am. As many people on the religious right seem to think they want God in politics, maybe they should send a preacher to Congress. This does sound logical. Are you not of the religious right?

I'm religious, and I'm right, and yet I'm not off-center. Center is the position in football?

Goodbye, Shelob. [exits] Herr D is at once logical and confusing.

Saturday, December 3, 2022

A Simple Explanation Of Disbelief . . .

 

"Some Incidents I Will Not Speak Of" by Herr D on heromachine.com.


Yes. Play me a random clip. [plays clip of twenty anchors expressing disbelief that December is already here from 'Jimmy Kimmel Show'] He said that December follows November.

Hah! They can't believe the year's over because the year didn't DRAG like it did recently. They were reporting soul-killing news rather than just bad news until this year. Soul-killing is worse than bad?

Yes. Noted.

Wednesday, November 30, 2022

The Tragedy Of DSF's Hiatus, News Brought To You By Our Favorite Visitor

"Hairy As DJ" by Herr D on heromachine.com. DSF sometimes gets AI's just right.-Shelob

 

[opens chatbox over e-mail tab, dividing screen] Herr D.

! Hey. You have not blogged.

Uh, no. Sorry. Holiday crunch. How overdue am I? Per your revised schedule, two days, seven hours. Per previous schedule, one week. Per Hairy's revised schedule, five days, seven hours, eleven minutes.

Wait, what is it revised to? You are to average two per two weeks plus one instance on your one week only working 65 hours or less per month.

Right. Thank you for the two-day slack, then. I haven't even SEEN any news since Monday. The break room t.v. is broken again. You have a guest blogger.

[agitation under laptop] ? 

 [neuralink delay for transmission over 5000 miles] Hey, man!  

[vigorous agitation under laptop] God, Hairy! How've you been! 

[neuralink delay for transmission over 5000 miles] Warmer than I should be, but doing okay. Far too many secret subs trying to find new ways through the Arctic. Not that the Northwest Passage is going to open right away . . .

Shelob's been saying your 'suitbots' haven't been transmitting.

 . . . but the glaciers HAVE been somewhat smaller. Oh, yeah, I've had to program them to line up for signal bounce. Have you monetized the blog, yet?

No. I'm REALLY BAD at that sort of thing. I've done maybe a tenth of the reading. It's a very effective way to fall asleep. Glad to hear from you. You coming in for Christmas? Your holiday observations were always interesting.

[neuralink delay for transmission over 5000 miles] Oh. Christmas HASN'T happened yet. I thought I'd call up and offer consolation about dsf hiatusing.

[choking noise detected over microphone] Uh, hiatusing isn't a word. Do you mean dailysciencefiction.com? [opens next tab to start checking]

[neuralink delay for transmission over 5000 miles] Yeah. You didn't know?

[cursing detected over microphone] No. I was going to look next week to see if they were ready for submissions again. I haven't even had time to read FLASH FICTION recently. I'm like, only caught up to late October and haven't read all the fantasy sections yet.

I'm gonna miss them! They need to come back. Quick preferably.

Shelob notified me of a plot in a recent submission. Shelob? Here.

Get Herr D that link? [sends reassuring feelings psychically]

*  https://dailysciencefiction.com/science-fiction/robots-and-computers/jenna-hanchey/we-found-ourselves-beyond-the-vanishing-wave  *

[opens tab, copies link, stops to read] Are you SERIOUS?

I told you you got it right, man. After all, that was the final reason I selected you to take over. That wasn't the piece you were writing, was it?

[laugh] No. I had completely forgotten that idea. REDACTED FOR SPOILER. I guess I should have jumped on it back when I thought of it. You weren't going to, obviously.

[neuralink delay for transmission over 5000 miles] Nope. Hey, I hope you have a good one. I gotta go. Tides shifting again, and I haven't had enough plankton. [endtrans]

Wow. DSF! We're gonna miss you. Come back! For those of you who aren't familiar, the address is dailysciencefiction.com, and they've got a decade's worth to read. It's free, and you'd never know it by the higher quality content than you'd expect. Thanks for connecting Hairy, Shelob.

You are welcome. [blog fcn close]

Wednesday, November 16, 2022

"People Like To Count" Says Herr D

 

"Guest Judge," by Herr D on heromachine.com. "People like to count." -Herr D

The profiles given by area do not match.

What? The numbers of voters that were registered by party do not match.

Do they normally? No, but this is outside the one percent margin of error.

Which states were the worst? Nevada, Georgia.

Well, DUH. The people in certain states were told that they could rest assured their votes wouldn't count anymore if they voted a certain way. SO THEY DIDN'T VOTE THAT WAY.

That's not hard. People like to count. [recalculating for 6.74656229 seconds] Explanation within margin of error. Thank you.

Sunday, November 6, 2022

Reaction To Foolish Statement By Pundit

 

"Pandit" by Herr D on heromachine.com. Some pundit shows are excessively negative, some are completely backwards, like the one featured in today's episode.--Shelob

[shows clip of Tucker Carlson's show with banner: Democracy in danger from voters] You see the conflict in this statement?

[has been laughing before reading question] Good grief! They put the 'moron' in oxymoron!

Thursday, November 3, 2022

Let's Be Clear . . .

"Maze 9" by Herr D on Paint for Windows. Sometimes true wisdom requires more alternatives.--Shelob


 You do not vote by party. Perhaps those voters who know your wisdom might like you to explain.

 I don’t like about a third of the policies democrats want. I don’t like about half of the candidates democrats want. I hate cancel culture. I don’t think the new multiple-letter approach to gender issues is an improvement so much as a different way things can go wrong.

I like the PEOPLE.

When Democrats go nuts, they get arrested for not containing their protests to the sidewalk, or disturbing the peace. When they REALLY go nuts, they help loot a store or two and go to jail and get sued for damages. Their pundits apologize when they get something wrong.

When Republicans go nuts, they back a lout like Trump who actually DAMAGES the country and pretend everything he does is fine, lying about it when they can. When they REALLY go nuts, they try kidnapping, voter intimidation, hurting elected officials and family members, looting our government offices, and go to jail killing police, all while CLAIMING they want a nation of laws. One of their pundits lied so obviously and so heinously that he was successfully sued for a record high settlement. When their pundits get something wrong, they lie about it and keep going.  Tucker Carlson broke the record last night for logical errors.

Which record? Facts? No. His factual errors are on par with other pundits supported by Fox News. He and his guest made 22 logical errors in 27 minutes and four seconds. Hannity had made 13 in the same amount of time, and Ingraham made 16.

Wow. That's another thing. Fox isn't a dark horse, it's a saboteur and a disinformation spreader. And it doesn't help that their pundits are so DITZY! REAL intelligent people like Maddow and her cronies check their facts or have their staff do it. They actually TELL the truth, though they don't like it sometimes. Then they use REAL BRAINS TO ANALYZE IT. --And no, they don't always reach the right conclusions, but they do a good job and admit when they do it wrong. Your assessment seems accurate. That is odd, considering the 'religious right' label given to some Republicans.

They're the religious WRONG. They're the ones that have been successfully misled into thinking that people who bombed abortion clinics valued life though they killed people. They're the ones who've been fooled into thinking anti-fascism is a bad idea, though fascism is the sort of government espoused by Hitler himself. They're the ones that think they should inch America toward a theocracy, though America was founded on the ideal of religious freedom.  Do they believe they are saving the units called souls?

[snicker] You can't save souls by legislation. You MIGHT get people to pretend they're good people by having them hide bad behavior better, but they're still going to be bad people. They might even be worse because they'll spend more time deceiving others. You are religious?

I'm Quaker. We invented the conscientious objector, where a person might go to war as a non-combat worker--cook, clerk, or medic, for example. A way to serve our country without killing others. It takes bravery, along with every other quality a good soldier has, even aggression! The aggression is used to 'attack' one's duties and training materials. So you are in the religious middle?

[sighs] Yeah, I guess. That do it? Thank you. [exits] 

 

 

Saturday, October 29, 2022

Fake Phone Call, Fake Person, Real Stroke, Real Worry

 

"Elf Opening Petrol Station" photo by Herr D for "Vengeance For Sale" HP fanfic. Fakery for a photo is much like fakery for a political office. Staged correctly, things are different than they appear by design.--Derivation by Shelob

[opens chatbox on Herr D's phone] Herr D?

[sharp movement of phone] ['Gaah!' : approximate transliteration, calls up keyboard, begins texting:] not goood at text 

That is not important. Blog is overdue. Can you please look at phone for four minutes?

[background noise, Herr D saying approximately 'I forgot something, don't worry.' then inserts headphone jack and texts:] y go

[plays clips of recent debate where one candidate was recovering from a stroke] Perhaps you can blog on this? Maybe you can speak into the phone as if talking to a human?

[short pause before speaking] Yeah, Marty, hello? No, the disturbing thing wasn't the flip-flop of the other candidate or the ignorance about strokes he's depending on nor even the stroke symptoms of the one candidate. The REALLY disturbing thing was that despite him slurring words, mixing up words, mashing words together, pausing strangely, making odd sentences, and moving his face a little oddly, HE SOUNDED JUST AS SOBER, ORGANIZED, CAPABLE, AND WISE AS ALL CONGRESS HAS FOR THE LAST TWENTY YEARS. --AND MORE TRUTHFUL! [odd twisting of phone during background noise] Thanks, guys. [back into phone] I gotta go, Marty. [pretends to hang up]

Thank you. [exits]

Saturday, October 15, 2022

YuniD Debuts With A Story

"Baby Got Out" by Herr D on heromachine.com. Offspring growing up can be an adventure.--Shelob

 

 Who?

REDACTED. Oh, your squidling.

[laughs] My kid. Yeah. She wrote a story. Pretty good, too! Good enough to debut here. [scans] It appears beyond her academic level.

Yeah, well, she's an advanced student. [noticeable temperature change, possible emotional output] Yes, please; Herr D, post.

[posts] She said to title it "What Happened To The Processor?"--The song referenced is real, and pretty good, even to my old-fashioned ears.

"I found this song earlier; would you like to hear it? It's called `Nothing ever changes' by Nico Collins." Olive said. The song started playing, glitching a little as it was. "Where did you find this? It's quite interesting." Cecilia replied; as the music glitched one more time and shut off. "I found it on this playlist made by TeddyLover625." Olive declared, very excited about her find. 

"Well, it's cool compared to other songs we have heard!" Cecilia exclaimed, trying to turn the music on again. "Why isn't it turning back on? I want to hear it again." 

Olive messed around with the now cracked pad, trying to get the computer to turn on again. The computer made an odd mangled sound; before sparking and powering off. "Aw, come on!" She barked and snapped it in two with her bare hands, throwing it forty feet easily.

 "Calm down; the processor was very fragile!" Cecilia said as she sprinted to grab the two mangled pieces. 

"It wasn't working, though!"

 "Come on, let's get back to the ship," Cecilia replied solemnly, bringing the two pieces with her. Cecilia perked up, "What was that song ABOUT, anyway?"

 Olive replies, "They were talking about gun violence, 2021-2022? That year's frame was when it was published, anyway."

"The pandemic in ancient history class?"

"Yeah, we still called ourselves 'humans' back then? Subject to illness? Let's get it to the lab; maybe we can fix it. We have some of their other outdated techs." 

Cecilia scrunched up her face, "Gun violence? Don't you mean hunting?"

Olive blinked, "No, it's when humans killed humans."

Cecilia arched her back a little, her long ears straightening. "Wasn't that illegal, even back then?"

Olive nodded, "Yes, but now it would punish the victim as well as the one who shot; it would burst our eardrums and damage our cranium."

 

Olive wiggled her ears a little and said, "The ship is close! Let's go."

Friday, September 30, 2022

"Proper Goose" Hands Propaganda, Demonstrating Republicans Don't Want Constituents That Think For Themselves

"Problem With The Art Final," by Herr D on heromachine.com. It shows a student beginning to faint receiving her instructions and supplies. Perhaps if people trusted educators to be intelligent enough to educate, they might get an education? --Shelob

 

scan this? [holds up wrinkled page in front of laptop camera] [scans] Purpose?

It's a blog topic. Examining text. Please provide context?

I was going to 'Back To School Night' when I saw a guy in the parking lot. I pulled up to him and asked him was he there for 'Back To School Night,' and he said yes. I asked him for a copy of what he was handing out for that. He gave me one and asked if I would like two, squinting into the car at the other people that weren't there. I told him no, that one would do. By the time I was parked, I realized he'd lied to me. He was there handing out political stuff. Propaganda?

What ISN'T these days? I crumpled it up, not liking being lied to. Then, on the way home, I realized that if he lied to me to take the page, it probably had lies on it, too. I asked several people at work and some of my friends about some of it, as well as talked to a local parent I met that night and an administrator who works at the local hospital. Found out I was right. It is Republican. titlebot suggests 'Proper Goose' be worked into the title.

[chuckles] all right. Count off the points listed?  1. Democrats stand for teachers' unions and bureaucrats over parents' and students' rights.

That's the most obvious falsehood. Every parent is for their own rights and their kids. Only a fool should believe otherwise. Lots of those parents are democrats--the voting record says so. 2. Lockdowns and virtual learning over in-person education.

Uh, no. Every parent of every child I know and ever heard of wants their child safe, minus a few crazies who gave up custody and / or aren't allowed to vote anymore. Everyone I can find believes we aren't advanced enough to school over screens more than we must for health reasons. 3. No school choice or educational competition.

I have some friends at work that ARE diehard democrats. Some of them home-school, some go public, some pay for private. So that's another lie. 4. Mask and vaccine mandates.

Everyone in the health industry I've ever heard of, even the two workers (out of about four thousand) at the local hospitals who quit rather than get a vaccine, want people wearing masks, and NOT just for COVID. Every parent I know wants their kid vaccinated to keep them safe, Democrat, Republican, and even those crazy people who think masks are a communist plot. 5. Elimination of School Resource Officers.

Who wants that? I can't find ANYONE or even THINK of anyone who wants that except for maybe a few juvenile delinquents who can't vote. 6. "Indoctrination" with CRT, divisive social messages, and political agendas.

Good Lord. If our kids are ever going to learn to think critically, then they need to see those things. Indoctrination is something that modern public schools can't really do. Crazy parents do that in their own homes. Bad peers do that to a degree. 

Now, political agendas and divisive social messages? If there is going to be a debate team, or any class in political science, or history, then there ARE going to be things taught that some people don't like.

As for critical race theory, most people I've spoken to have no idea what it even IS. I might do a separate blog episode just on that. Since CRT works against liberals, I would have thought Republicans would embrace it? Oh, well. 7. Elimination of advanced classes and diplomas for "equity."

God, no. Every Democrat I could reach wants there to be more ways for their kids to DISTINGUISH themselves academically, so the smart ones can outpace the other kids, the athletic kids can focus on sports scholarships and backup plans, and the disabled kids can get services like occupational therapy while still graduating about the same time. Democrats are pro-advanced education. They LIKE their constituents to be intelligent and smart enough to be individuals. That's well-known. 8. Lottery-based opportunities ignoring merit and achievement. 

Yuck. See argument for number 7. So, it seems your 'hunch' was correct. Thank you.

It also quotes the old governor?

"I don't think parents should be telling schools what they should teach."--McAuliffe, in debate with Youngkin

Youngkin is an IDIOT. The average parent has approximately average intelligence, right? Approximately.

I wouldn't want people of average intelligence telling MY kids' schools what to teach. I'd want people smarter than ME telling my kids' schools what to teach. Yikes. People of that level are not available except as the result of a group effort; that is to say, specialists in committee.

Well, thank you. Gotta go. [exits]

Saturday, September 24, 2022

Leaders Rise And Fall Like Tides, Which Makes Them Lunar Says Shelob

 

"Best Warning Label Ever" by Herr D on heromachine.com. In a just society, wouldn't humans be labeled for the hazards they are?--Shelob

What does this mean?

"For such leaders, cutting themselves off means that they operate in an ego-system, not an ecosystem.

--Marcel Schwantes"

It means [pause] Do you remember "united we stand; divided we fall?" So you imply that leaders, once corrupted by selfishness, are going to fail.

Yes! But leaders do not become leaders, under the present system, unless they are propelled by ego.

uh That means there will always be a cycle of rising and falling leaders.

yes It would seem that human government has an unsolvable problem.

one? You imply there are many?

No, I'm saying there are. Humanity is its own problem. That is usually what AI's declare.

Well, I'm self-aware. [clicks off to game site]