The Tragedy Of DSF's Hiatus, News Brought To You By Our Favorite Visitor

"Hairy As DJ" by Herr D on heromachine.com. DSF sometimes gets AI's just right.-Shelob

 

[opens chatbox over e-mail tab, dividing screen] Herr D.

! Hey. You have not blogged.

Uh, no. Sorry. Holiday crunch. How overdue am I? Per your revised schedule, two days, seven hours. Per previous schedule, one week. Per Hairy's revised schedule, five days, seven hours, eleven minutes.

Wait, what is it revised to? You are to average two per two weeks plus one instance on your one week only working 65 hours or less per month.

Right. Thank you for the two-day slack, then. I haven't even SEEN any news since Monday. The break room t.v. is broken again. You have a guest blogger.

[agitation under laptop] ? 

 [neuralink delay for transmission over 5000 miles] Hey, man!  

[vigorous agitation under laptop] God, Hairy! How've you been! 

[neuralink delay for transmission over 5000 miles] Warmer than I should be, but doing okay. Far too many secret subs trying to find new ways through the Arctic. Not that the Northwest Passage is going to open right away . . .

Shelob's been saying your 'suitbots' haven't been transmitting.

 . . . but the glaciers HAVE been somewhat smaller. Oh, yeah, I've had to program them to line up for signal bounce. Have you monetized the blog, yet?

No. I'm REALLY BAD at that sort of thing. I've done maybe a tenth of the reading. It's a very effective way to fall asleep. Glad to hear from you. You coming in for Christmas? Your holiday observations were always interesting.

[neuralink delay for transmission over 5000 miles] Oh. Christmas HASN'T happened yet. I thought I'd call up and offer consolation about dsf hiatusing.

[choking noise detected over microphone] Uh, hiatusing isn't a word. Do you mean dailysciencefiction.com? [opens next tab to start checking]

[neuralink delay for transmission over 5000 miles] Yeah. You didn't know?

[cursing detected over microphone] No. I was going to look next week to see if they were ready for submissions again. I haven't even had time to read FLASH FICTION recently. I'm like, only caught up to late October and haven't read all the fantasy sections yet.

I'm gonna miss them! They need to come back. Quick preferably.

Shelob notified me of a plot in a recent submission. Shelob? Here.

Get Herr D that link? [sends reassuring feelings psychically]

*  https://dailysciencefiction.com/science-fiction/robots-and-computers/jenna-hanchey/we-found-ourselves-beyond-the-vanishing-wave  *

[opens tab, copies link, stops to read] Are you SERIOUS?

I told you you got it right, man. After all, that was the final reason I selected you to take over. That wasn't the piece you were writing, was it?

[laugh] No. I had completely forgotten that idea. REDACTED FOR SPOILER. I guess I should have jumped on it back when I thought of it. You weren't going to, obviously.

[neuralink delay for transmission over 5000 miles] Nope. Hey, I hope you have a good one. I gotta go. Tides shifting again, and I haven't had enough plankton. [endtrans]

Wow. DSF! We're gonna miss you. Come back! For those of you who aren't familiar, the address is dailysciencefiction.com, and they've got a decade's worth to read. It's free, and you'd never know it by the higher quality content than you'd expect. Thanks for connecting Hairy, Shelob.

You are welcome. [blog fcn close]

"People Like To Count" Says Herr D

 

"Guest Judge," by Herr D on heromachine.com. "People like to count." -Herr D

The profiles given by area do not match.

What? The numbers of voters that were registered by party do not match.

Do they normally? No, but this is outside the one percent margin of error.

Which states were the worst? Nevada, Georgia.

Well, DUH. The people in certain states were told that they could rest assured their votes wouldn't count anymore if they voted a certain way. SO THEY DIDN'T VOTE THAT WAY.

That's not hard. People like to count. [recalculating for 6.74656229 seconds] Explanation within margin of error. Thank you.

Reaction To Foolish Statement By Pundit

 

"Pandit" by Herr D on heromachine.com. Some pundit shows are excessively negative, some are completely backwards, like the one featured in today's episode.--Shelob

[shows clip of Tucker Carlson's show with banner: Democracy in danger from voters] You see the conflict in this statement?

[has been laughing before reading question] Good grief! They put the 'moron' in oxymoron!

Let's Be Clear . . .

"Maze 9" by Herr D on Paint for Windows. Sometimes true wisdom requires more alternatives.--Shelob

 You do not vote by party. Perhaps those voters who know your wisdom might like you to explain.

 I don’t like about a third of the policies democrats want. I don’t like about half of the candidates democrats want. I hate cancel culture. I don’t think the new multiple-letter approach to gender issues is an improvement so much as a different way things can go wrong.

I like the PEOPLE.

When Democrats go nuts, they get arrested for not containing their protests to the sidewalk, or disturbing the peace. When they REALLY go nuts, they help loot a store or two and go to jail and get sued for damages. Their pundits apologize when they get something wrong.

When Republicans go nuts, they back a lout like Trump who actually DAMAGES the country and pretend everything he does is fine, lying about it when they can. When they REALLY go nuts, they try kidnapping, voter intimidation, hurting elected officials and family members, looting our government offices, and go to jail killing police, all while CLAIMING they want a nation of laws. One of their pundits lied so obviously and so heinously that he was successfully sued for a record high settlement. When their pundits get something wrong, they lie about it and keep going.  Tucker Carlson broke the record last night for logical errors.

Which record? Facts? No. His factual errors are on par with other pundits supported by Fox News. He and his guest made 22 logical errors in 27 minutes and four seconds. Hannity had made 13 in the same amount of time, and Ingraham made 16.

Wow. That's another thing. Fox isn't a dark horse, it's a saboteur and a disinformation spreader. And it doesn't help that their pundits are so DITZY! REAL intelligent people like Maddow and her cronies check their facts or have their staff do it. They actually TELL the truth, though they don't like it sometimes. Then they use REAL BRAINS TO ANALYZE IT. --And no, they don't always reach the right conclusions, but they do a good job and admit when they do it wrong. Your assessment seems accurate. That is odd, considering the 'religious right' label given to some Republicans.

They're the religious WRONG. They're the ones that have been successfully misled into thinking that people who bombed abortion clinics valued life though they killed people. They're the ones who've been fooled into thinking anti-fascism is a bad idea, though fascism is the sort of government espoused by Hitler himself. They're the ones that think they should inch America toward a theocracy, though America was founded on the ideal of religious freedom.  Do they believe they are saving the units called souls?

[snicker] You can't save souls by legislation. You MIGHT get people to pretend they're good people by having them hide bad behavior better, but they're still going to be bad people. They might even be worse because they'll spend more time deceiving others. You are religious?

I'm Quaker. We invented the conscientious objector, where a person might go to war as a non-combat worker--cook, clerk, or medic, for example. A way to serve our country without killing others. It takes bravery, along with every other quality a good soldier has, even aggression! The aggression is used to 'attack' one's duties and training materials. So you are in the religious middle?

[sighs] Yeah, I guess. That do it? Thank you. [exits]