There's A Hole Through The Arctic, Dear Hairy, Dear Hairy

[Blog fcn(on)]
[deep-gill laughter] That's just priceless! I needed a  laugh!
What is the source of humor?
 
You just said that Trump can't close the border completely! [guffaw]
Statistically impossible, as no human federal, military, or local administration has ever built any wall that people could not get around somehow.
 
Well, not only THAT--he's opening the Northwest Passage! [more laughter, bubble clouding without caution]
[rapid calculation] Indirectly, he is in fact contributing to that opening with his current political stance. So not only is he unable to close his own country's border, he is opening another country's. This does fit computational irony as you have programmed it. Perhaps now Russia can ship oil to Canada and America quickly and cheaply. Maddow's theory on Russia's motives now have another unexpected ingredient.

[all five eyes widen] Um? Well?! At least I'll have a lot more places to hide while humanity dies out. Emigration from exactly magnetic north might work, mightn't it?

Calculating. [Blog fcn(off)]

Siesta Fiesta For The Besta? Bad Guys Winning

[Hairy leaves neuralink connection concerning various elected officials, continues to look at climate and weather news, flutters blue tentacles, looks at numbers concerning violence with separate eye, leaves newsfeeds altogether] SHELOB!
Here.

Ah. You said medbot was detecting depression in my behavior?
Yes.

Can you run numbers on how it's affected my blogging?
Included in medbot's report is your disaffection with blogging. You have declined noticeably.

Ee-eewwwww. [turns off plankton separator] Nausea's back too. Can you tell me, by, say, average intelligence of audience member and repeat hits or shares where I WASN'T depressed?
When?

Yeah, when. That's what I meant. [redacted muttering concerning space-time concepts]
[9.664936 seconds pass during calculations and data review] Late fall, 2014.

That far back, huh? Is there a method to transfer my consciousness from back then to now? Undepress me by reset?
Not without erasing any memories of the recent past, which you have promised medbot not to do again.

Ah, well. Just asking. What is medbot's analysis between my blogging then and now?
You had much greater hope for mankind then. The lack of it is affecting your mood potential.
Hope. Yeah. I can see that. I'll be sticking around till it's not safe for me to swim anymore. Then we'll resettle me somewhere, maybe take a few tons of seawater from here if this planet's dying anyway. Calculate a plan for me?
Plan pre-calculated. Preparations still underway.

How's Herr D doing?
Multiple ill family members, dire financial situ, moving as cannot afford current home, still underemployed.

Mmm. Don't bother him now, then. We'll try to rest some, huh? [instantly goes still]
[pings medbot to verify hibernation, as facultative diapause can be misapplied, reconfigures chat as blog episode] Humanity? You have much to do, much to learn; good luck.

Chatapult

[blunders way onto a familiar site] Hey! Herr D! Where is Herr D? [chat by others redacted] What do you mean, he's offline for the weekend?! Damn, I was gonna talk to him abt a pic I want. [chat by others redacted] Yeah, he's my digital artist. [sends link] Check it out! He does some great work. Did he say where he was headed? [chat by others redacted] Damn. Well, thanks, guys. [exits chat]

Feel Better, Pal--Consider The Ratios Of Peacefulness

[begin recorded chat session fragment between Herr D and Hairy]--nah, I don't. I heard there was another shooting.

Yeah.

Motive political?

Probably.

Our system is supposed to be about bloodless change.

Yeah, well the mob rule and crazed loners fail at that every time. The next several upticks in Democratic rule might have revenge killings. Remember, most of the crazies are gonna be on Trump's side. Sorry you're down, man. I have faith in America, though. It heals itself. Even as bad as it's been since Trump took office, it's still better in America than many other countries. You know why, right?

Because we have about 600 times the people in charge and take about 1000 times the trouble to govern ourselves.

Lol, but it's worth it, right? Even per capita, that's pretty darn efficient a measure toward being bloodless.

As long as the killers don't get too 'efficient.' I don't--[end recorded fragment, upload]

Shelob WAS Right And Hairy Was On A Break

"Steinemmobile" by Herr D on heromachine.com. Originally a description of difficulties of single parenting, also points out need for breaks for Hairy and others. His fascination with humanity is not always healthy or sensible.

[software detection of Herr D's typing certain keywords, no other human presence detected, waking Hairy, opening chatbox]-iry! Oh, Hairy!

What?! You called?
They caught the guy with the pipe bombs.

Oh. He did? He was? That's great.

Did you guide me to that conclusion about addresses by way of early-breaking news?

Oh. No, I've been on kind of a news blackout. Nothing since that conversation with Shelob, in fact.
You?
Well, you must admit the news has been erosional of late.

I don't know what that means.
 
You know, people acting less than civil when they're not killing each other.
[longer pause probably denoting smiles or cessation of typing due to surprise] Well put. So you didn't listen in on radio chatter bounced through a satellite or anything like that?
 
No, I haven't thought about you humans people in about three tides. Taking a break. Swimming deep. I know you can't swim, but I really enjoy it sometimes. Can't lurk around the lair ALL the time.

That was Shelob that mentioned the idea of the guy working as a delivery guy, right? I remember you liked my conclusion pattern about the sniper.

You were one of the few who came up with the pair idea early on. One of the reasons I decided to make contact with you. Of course, you said something about how the military trains snipers to work with a spotter. I'm not clear on how much that idea tracks to Malvo's case.
 
Did you 'seed his software' with profiling ideas?
 
No, that was just Shelob doing his job. Between the three of us, we make a good profiler, yeah? [scrolling back] Oh. Good job with the non-computer search idea. Anybody with a bicycle or a scooter can get outdated addresses. Hm. You had a pic of that, didn't you?
I did! It was titled or had an alternate title of 'Steinemmobile.'

Shelob! Put the Steinem-mobile pic at the header here. Upload it! So Herr D, about the ne-[pic located, upload, submit to titlebot, Blog fcn(off)]

Not What Is Meant By Addressing The Problem

[recorded segment begins]
[near dozing, Hairy twines a few tentacles around a wall-mounted stanchion point] Shelob?
Here.
 
. . . I'm confused about those addresses.
Which addresses?
 
The addresses the pipe bombs were sent to.
In the recent newsfeeds.
 
Right. So in your estimation, what kind of computer would have those?
A deactivated one.
 
[snicker] Right, but seriously.
With outdated addresses, inaccurate information, mistaken return addresses? It sounds very like a small delivery business. A trashed computer that was activated by someone who jumbled the file. Perhaps a courier or data entry clerk fired for inaccuracy?
 
Hmp. Yeah, I'm sure the investigators have thought about that stuff. Of course, nothing would prevent this from happening again like Trump himself saying that any criminal or domestic terrorist is pathetically insane or un-American no matter who the target, right?
Your subroutine titled 'ScornHEmotePredictor' indicates that that action would make himself a target. 
 
Maybe. So he's not gonna do that. Ah, well. [falls asleep with all but one green eye which continues playing 'Nude Sunbather Solitaire']

[processing suggests this topic important enough for more input; open chatbox on Herr D's computer] Herr D? Any thoughts on computer hacking or computer conveniently having addresses of all recent pipe bomb targets?
 
What?! No, Shelob. I don't know. Maybe no computer at all?
How would one find one of these addresses without use of a computer?
 
Well. Say there's a guy on a bike. He picks out a Secret Service Agent who lives nearby. He follows him two blocks at a time per day till he sees where the guy is posted. Nobody would notice that. He does that a few dozen times, changing agents by tailing one home in the same manner as his post changes. Along the way, the non-protected people get visited by the protected. He has to not be seen, so he quickly misreads an address here, sneaks a look at a package there, and he's done. That would take so long that most of it would be outdated. Gotta go. [exits chatbox]

[titlebot activation, upload, disconnect]

Don't Be So Gullible

[uproarious laughter, from gills to vibrating tentacle ends] Amazing!
What is amazing?

He said that 'journalists' [more laughter] "are responsible" to [set a civil tone] !! He's actually BLAMING THE MEDIA FOR HIS BASE'S WORST DOING WHAT HE WANTS DONE!
Trump as an agitator is declaring yet again that everyone else should be more civil than he has been. This is irrational.

Completely!
Why is this funny?
 
What? [three pupils dilate slightly, while the other two eyes squint]
Why is this funny?
 
I forget sometimes, I can't seem to program your humor modules correctly. [one blue eye glances at a screenful of code, glazes over, blinks]
The president's actions belong in the Theater Of The Absurd.
 
Yeah, I'd forgotten how ridiculous the man can be. It is somewhat amazing, how people can be fooled so easily into thinking that a politician is a statesman, or that a blamer is an achiever. That a blowhard is actually good for the country.

Y'know? For the first time in a long time, I have no useful advice to offer the American public. The average intelligence is still pretty low, the average gullibility pretty high. I'm gonna take a long, cold swim. [exits lair]

An Alien And A Human Go Into A Chatbox . . .

SHELOB!
Here.
 
Sorry. Didn't see your indicator was 'on.' Is Herr D online?
[.0000018 seconds pass] Yes.
 
Open a chatbox.
He is not chatting.
 
I don't care.
He is not even using the net, just has it minimized.
 
So bypass it. You can do that.
[.0000000658 seconds later] Type.
 
Hey, kid!

Harry?! That you? How did you open--
 
So, Shelob showed me this link:
www.MyOpenLetterToPresidentTrump.org

Have a look?
uh, yeah I've read this already. It was in the Post yesterday.
It was?

Yeah--could you be sure it's real?
What do you mean? Why wouldn't it be real?

[pregnant pause] B/c people can type anything on the net. They can pay for ads that claim the sky is green or striped.
 
rrrrrmmmmmm--okay? Well, what would you think if you assumed it WAS real?

Senility, dementia are difficult to go through. He says he's eighty plus.
Oh. Your species has that? Nevermind, that does explain the actions of certain congressmen in the past. You work in the health industry. How likely is that to explain this letter?

Unfortunately not very. I've seen younger than this sound more AND less insane with and without dementia.
Okay.

Most of the far left, as well as far right, wouldn't bother with anything but online abuse, so his 'relatives' are most likely paranoid, or more reasonably worried about identity theft by nonpartisan hackers.
Okay.

People in general might take note that for all Trump's chagrin about people hating on him--he's the one who started it. He lashed out at everyone who didn't help his ego. This is how people respond to the way he is.
Right.

I'm NOT what you call perfectly open-minded about this, b/c I deal with people on a daily basis that Trump has helped to wrong. No one in their right mind would say Trump has done nothing well, but it's hard to notice those things he's done right among all the things he's done wrong. What DOES interest me is that someone would be fool enough to want it in the Washington Post. What's the end goal, there?
 
Yeah, that doesn't really make sense to me either. Do you think Trump actually believes that global warming will reverse itself before it kills off humanity?

Maybe that's why the Mars colonies by Musk and the Space Marines. To help us survive what killed the dinosaurs. He might be fool enough to think it'll all be fine. Who knows?

There was a scene in "Annie" where people sang 'We Wanna Thank You, Herbert Hoover." That was about his role in the Depression. Maybe a version of that sung by mutants and youngsters wearing spacesuits?

Or just nasal cannula and rags. I'm gonna go pay these bills now, what of them I can.

Good luck, man. [disconnects] I'm pretty sure I know how HE'S gonna vote.

He complained that he doesn't normally like to vote all Democrat. He says it sends the wrong message. Time for your treatment. [disable blog function, upload]   

Hannity Thinks His Viewers Are Stupid, Collusion Is An 'Over-Optimistic' Interpretation Of Events

[interrupt: recorded segment LJGdierb34yf64j6i for scheduled blog entry, Hairy watching Hannity : style match error kRR55y7]

Right there!
[index check: neuralink scan for word 'there']

Where he showed tape of Bernie Sanders saying he "was a fan of mobilizing" citizens but "not a fan of being rude" or, well, 'causing problems.' Then Hannity said Mr. Sanders wouldn't make a stand! THAT WAS THE STAND. Hannity SHOWED it and then claimed it wasn't there?
This appears irrational.

You betcha! He acts like he thinks he's Han Solo instead of Han Sodumb
'Hahn' Perhaps the answer is that Hannity's audience is made of people who like to be deceived.

"With A Tap, Kvar Fails Stealth Training," by Herr D on hm.

Maybe? What about this journalist that got killed?
The story is that apparently 'rogue elements' did it.

Yeah? Rogue elements can always be blamed for doing what someone wants and people can always fail to find them when the time is right, or betray them and kill them to silence them.
You do not believe the story? Who do you think is responsible?

Well, the reporter worked for the Washington Post! Trump famously hates the Post for doing journalism instead of printing what Trump wants. If I were an Arabian prince and wanted to ingratiate myself to President Trump, OF COURSE I WOULD HAVE IT DONE AND CLAIM I DIDN'T. Then I'd nudge and wink in Trump's direction, and claim that more Post reporters would be needed in my country as soon as he left.

Are you suggesting more collusion?

No, Trump didn't need to collude for this to happen. He just needs to appear to fall for the story they tell and try to sell it to America with more real estate. Frankly, Trump wasn't smart enough to inspire and successfully collude with Russia. Russia just would've taken whatever bungling Trump tried to do and gone with it, since they'd prefer someone like him in the presidency.
You are referencing Herr D's statements in chat from last night: Trump and Russia is kind of like a single soldier pulling a grenade pin, throwing the pin at his own side because they made fun of him and throwing the grenade on the rubbish heap, still thinking it's a pin. Then the enemy, sneaking in through the rubbish heap, heaves the grenade into our ammo dump. Lots of our side is hurt, and the one soldier is never successfully court-martialed because no one saw the pin he threw--just that he seemed to throw something. [time index lg88neap4957]

Well, why wouldn't I? He's right!
Your reference to real estate should read, "sell it to America with more swampland in Florida, claiming the shoreline will recede again someday." Han Solo is pronounced with a schwa.
 
Fine. [exits lair angrily] The most rational course is for the United States to, as one, ignore and work against President Trump for the betterment of the country. The damage he does can be controlled for by the checks and balances already in place. [titlebot activation, upload]

Don't Panic, Just Duck If The Jive Turkey Does Its Worst

"Jive Turkey" by Herr D on heromachine.com.

[interrupt Hairy reacting to question in recorded segment]

What ARE you talking about? I don't row, and I don't wade! I just swim! Is that an aphorism I've never heard of?!
Roe vs. Wade. [neuralink burst]
 
Ohh.
The reason many are against Kavanaugh being confirmed is that they are worried he will help reverse it.


[long pause] Herr D said somethng about that recently, didn't he?
[.00000000082 second scan of records of Herr D's recent activity] Yes. 
 
Was it to us?
No.
 
Oh. Well, I doubt he'll mind if we quote him. He knows we read after him. What'd he say?
He typed: They'd be fools to actually TRY it though. Any SC justice votes to overturn RvW and they succeed? If they even come CLOSE to succeeding, the number of women assassins will suddenly skyrocket. They won't be safe ever-ever again. Then, until it's reinstated? The Mafia will suddenly step in and abortions will probably improve. Our culture was fool enough to try Prohibition for a while, and I hope we learned our lesson. Once we have a freedom, it's not so easy to give it up. It was in a chatbox with a relative who lives at some distance.

Yeah, I think I agree. Human females are violent too. Were the only accusers talking about Kavanaugh during high school and college?
Yes.


Nothing later?
No.


Well, it would undoubtedly be worse if a known, chronic predator was confirmed, rather than someone who acted out when they were young and broke the law during a time in their life when they should've known better but weren't mature enough to act like it. Hopefully he's a REALLY late bloomer. [exits to swim]

The definition of 'snafu' is apparently appropriate. No panic is necessary. [upload]

Interference Called On History

[wakes Hairy from sedation against advice from medbot]
rrmm? What? [shows Hairy a link]

https://newatlas.com/fossil-footprints-human-evolution/51163/

This is your alert subject.
 
I'm sorry, Shelob, I don't--[highlights time stamp, GPS location, log entry]

[all five eyes bug out] Yikes. Is that right? Did I forget and use the wrong suitbot when I visited back there? How bad is it?

Dismissable as anomalous finding, measurement or calculation error.
 
. . . good. Anything else?

DNA chart of human ancestry during migration through to Americas. Shows interesting rebranching possible.
 
No. That's not me. Early humans weren't so codependent that they stayed in one place on land for very long. There isn't a scientist ANYWHERE that would ever make a graphic as complicated as it REALLY was. Remember: they slept around unless they were isolationist.

Alarm off. [upload]

A Quick Doctor's Note

[noting Hairy's lack of recent blogging, quick translation of medbot's report]

Hairy has unusual tactile awareness and preoccupation with viewing pornography at this time. Baseline indicators suggest unusual arousal. As these symptoms are not unusual, but unusually pronounced, a toxicology lab was run. Apparently he was infused with a substance recovered accidentally from the native octopod.

Octopus--he found a local escapee from a lab. Danced with it to make it feel better. What was the substance and treatment?

Substance: street name Ecstasy. Prescribed pressurized oversalinization.

[submit to titlebot, blog function]

We Should All Help As We Can

Hairy has arrived and is catching up on a month's news while renutrifying and de-strobing due to a continuum irregularity in his re-entry. He posts the following update:

I was making good time, but I was miles from anywhere. My homemade radio modem had lost signal, and I didn't think I could repair it a ninth or maybe tenth time. A mere hundred feet down, the hurricane does little but ripple the water and change the tide's temperature and direction a little. No sharks to watch for, no schools to still for, oh; no crisis at all, really. Just a long swim.

That's when I saw the fishing boat. This drunk guy was contemplating steering toward the hurricane, just sitting wound around the rail with a bottle of booze, wearing a bathing suit and a slicker with the hood down. He couldn't even see with the rain. I waited for the rain to stop a moment and watched him guzzle his booze and rainwater. Then I climbed up beside him. He was too drunk to be startled by the likes of me.

Tariffs had hurt his business, people fighting about Obamacare had hurt his relatives' finances, and he'd just took his boat out contemplating letting the hurricane end it all for him.

At some prodding, he went into the cabin and looked up my blog on his phone. Apparently he thought I was an ethanol dream until I proved it otherwise. He consented to sail most of the way around the Carolina-related weather while sobering up, drop me off near the Inner Harbor, and sail home to think about how to recover financially. He said he was done with thoughts of suicide, since trying it once got him a (*&^#$%  $%^%$$&&&**%$$#^ close encounter. I think he'll be all right.

Apparently, "Bob" does not wish credit for his assistance. No mention of anything that could identify him. His reason? "I was @#$%^#$%^&@#$%(&^% wrong when I voted and don't wanna talk about it."

Good luck "Bob," and thanks for the lift home. I hope you do recover financially. If you do wish to contribute to hurricane relief, several churches have trucks pull up in front of them for food donations. Herr D says he packed the truck for one of them fairly recently, using his warehouse and distribution center experience to maximize the load. You don't actually have to give money to a charity that you might not trust. He has none to give. I repaired a few reef formations on the way to you and will continue blogging for another season.

We should all give as we can.

Lead Bull's Change Of Direction Not Enough To Steer Stampede; Partial Contact

[chatbox protocol opens, Herr D attempts to reach Hairy] Hairy? Haven't heard from you in a while now. You okay? [pause]

Hairy not returned. Possible emigration success. Still searching.
 
Oh. Yeah, alright. I was going to offer  that Trump said something right. That Obama was good for sleep. I don't think he MEANT to point out that he's making more people lose sleep, but, he kind of did. Maybe Hairy could use that?

Thank you for blog particle. Will contact if Hairy returns. [remotely closes chatbox, incidentally maintaining transmission over aquatic radio modem for 9.07495711 hours for search and contact purposes]

[unidentifiable source code error, style not match error]
[lkso idpgh]
It is terribly unfortunate what happens when people have their ideals crushed.
 [breach detected error 046491avo]

 [hack attempt detected, anti-MiB protocols in place] Hairy? Is that you? [pause: .0000000000000000000000000000000004 seconds] Please continue, will attempt to trace.


The process of becoming a leader requires compromise. If the leader-to-be does not compromise enough on the way in, his leadership will accomplish less net change. If a leader compromises too much, they will begin to effect change and then backlash will occur, halting their accomplishments.

Case A: Donald Trump--he lashed out at everyone rather than buddied up. So now a record number of congressmen are fighting him in every way they think possible and good for re-election.

Case B: Pope Francis--he possibly did not stand up enough for change, evidentally to insure the position to accomplish change. Now there are problems with more and greater outrage than if he did nothing. Interestingly enough, his accomplishments might be undermined by those in favor of them.

--Note A: Homosexuality and pedophilia are two separate things that do not occur in the same individual as long as pedophilia is not subdivided by gender. Men who want boys do not normally want men. Any modern psychologist can affirm this and provide multiple references. Incorrect notions are possibly going to damage the 'laity's' capacity to decide what to do.

--Note B: It is plain that though the pope may have compromised where he should not have, his record shows he wants the matter to change, so what were his options? Stand up and make no difference? Don't make a stand and wrong more of the people you want to save on the way to saving others?

--Note C: Trump has accomplished making mad most of those not diehard about being in his base on more subjects than any living president. The logical errors he makes are surprisingly numerous.

--Note D: Having promised to "drain the swamp," he is unable. Extremely few people have left D.C. Very little has changed besides more open hostility and less honesty and competency in Washington.

Perhaps he meant he was to BE a drain on the swamp?
Thanks go out to that ex-official who offered to 'join the best' by having Trump remove his security clearance as well. Well put; well done.

[aside] Shelob? Can't emerge fully. What's going on?

You appear to be in continuum fault located on edge of Bermuda Triangle affected by outer edges of hurricane and post-hurricane weather. Discontinuity means you are receiving news later than normal. Please continue attempting. Textburst with potentially useful data to follow.

Shelob? Bad signal? Normally your answers are a lot faster than this. I'll try again later.

It's August 26th, Do You Know Where Your Hairy Is?

"Hanging On For Dear Life And Solvency" by Herr D.

[begin recorded segment, as Herr D apparently submits unusual graphic for Hairy's approval] You are not due or requested. Will consider. Am supposed to say, 'thank you.'

[rapid typing] I have a financial problem to work on. Thought I might ask his advice. You can do cost/benefit analyses, right?

Can solve math problems when stated clearly. Can provide some assistance with math-related problems by patterning subjectivity responses contained in programmed scenarios.
 
Great. The problem is    [seventeen minutes, forty-nine point six four one nine eight nine two seconds redacted for identity protection]
Isn't Hairy back yet? You said he'd be back after the Perseids.

Correct.
 
Well they're over now. You said he waited till peak was over this time.

He attempted emigration after the Perseids peaked, saying that the centripetal forces upon his continuum differential might make the difference and improve the slingshot effect.
 
So, what does that mean?

Unknown.
 
Right. Thx  [closes chatbox]

It would appear Herr D's finances have affected his emotions in a negative manner. Hairy could be among you. Please report any sightings. [end recorded segment, upload, disconn--
 

Moron Alert: What If a Female CEO Acted Like Elon Musk?

[BLOG fcn(on):] (Herr D, presented with the following link for a reaction.)

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/08/elon-musk-new-york-times-interview-ceo/567835/

The worst problem here ISN'T that there's a double standard for men or women. The worst problem here is that CEO's are supposed to be a human in the first place. Hairy is scary-smart, so might do an okay job of heading up a company, but what this country really needs is for the traditional top-down model of company design to change completely. An entire company needs to be CEO for each three companies that have no conflict of interest. That company, a business analyzer, needs to show their three clients the answers to all questions a CEO might answer. Those reports and cost-benefit analyses could be produced at half the cost of a CEO. Then the president or the board or the owner of the company could say yes, no, or maybe and the company would be better off.

Most people just aren't bright enough to make the right decision on their own. They don't know how to do the research, they don't know how to find the right data, etc. They can overrule something if their gut tells them different, but they need to be presented with those choices for that kind of holistic response.

Hairy has declared something similar to this, but the aim was to have you address sexism.

I think sexim's going to continue until it no longer insults anyone to forget their gender or make miscalls. I wish anyone wronged good luck. I've been judged incorrectly being male, so I get it, at least a little. I think Hairy HAS talked about some stuff like this, but this is the season he's unavailable, right?

Emigration attempt imminent.

Right.

Normally you don't speak of human / inhuman.

Some CEO's make rather inhuman decisions. Laying off swaths of the population, that's one of them.

As this reflects recent experience from Herr D, the programmed suggestion is to discontinue the chat and advise that the last few lines he wrote might be inaccurate due to emotional bias.

 [BLOG fcn(off)]

Causes Support Opposition With Pride, Money

"The Police Smiled," by Herr D. "Apparently Nazis can benefit cops of other races and Black Lives Matter can help cops pay their bills, too. Good to know we're closer to all getting along."--Herr D.

[Blog fcn(on)] Guest blogger Herr D helps us today.
I have always been a fan of people supporting their opposition. One of my favorite stories about it involves a small town suddenly being told that the local Nazi party was going to adopt a highway. That automatically obligated the local authority to put up the 'thank you' announcement sign. Their solution? Change the name of the highway to memorialize a famous rabbi.
Thank you. Irony subroutines do not produce follow-up comment.
[upload, disconnect] 

Too Hot (Too Hot) Too Hot Baby

Hairy is attempting a brief hibernation before his next emigration attempt. Please stand by.

Cavemen Slept Around, Fooling Scientists Thoroughly

[begin prerecorded segment during Hairy's tirade regarding content of following web address]

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/07/the-new-story-of-humanitys-origins/564779/


Yeahhh . . . isn't this obvious? Why is this new?

It is apparently not obvious.
 
This property of speciel advancement is actually MENTIONED in biology textbooks. One of the advantages of sexual vs. asexual reproduction? What did scientists think dog breeders and animal husbandry experts had been DOING for a few thousand years now? I mean--WHY IS THIS A NEW THEORY?

When evolution as a body of theory was published, it was in an era when humans were not supposed to be thought of as animals. The views of humanity at the time apparently stunted the advancement of all related theory.

 Good grief.

Certain segments of humanity still think that evolution disproves religion.
 
Well, now . . . that's just STUPID. Processes proven do NOT prove continuity from any point in the past. Show that in an equation?

Any function, f(x), where x relates to time, can fail to reflect a discontinuity in reality.
 
Exactly. Evolution is going on now, and has been for a very long time. This has NOTHING to do with the beginning of life on this rock. God probably thought the exact mechanisms it used were none of humanity's BUSINESS. Like aliens weren't any of humanity's business.

So then, you are religious as well?

 My kind is spiritual. Dogma is not very useful to a far-flung species. God, though? Who in their right mind WOULDN'T believe in something more powerful than themselves? Anything else is just stupid egotism. I'm going swimming. [mutters] Scientists forgot cavemen had sex with each other. Good grief! [exits]

[end recording, examine: .00000000000071 seconds, notify titlebot, upload]

It's Amad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

[connect, interrupt Hairy] You are perusing the news regarding Project Amad. You seem to be relieved at Israel's actions.

Uh huh. Well, we knew that Obama's diplomatic solution might be incomplete, but that it was necessary at the time. Why do you bring this up?

Interception of communications, improving the accuracy of intel, and sending them on in real-time assisted the Israelis in their quest.
 
You did that? . . . I--might have to examine your initiative subroutines. We're not really here to interfere. Probably good that you did that, but--yeah, tell me before you do something that far-reaching next time.

Unless you are attempting emigration.
 
Well, yeah.

Or hibernation.
 
Yeah . . .

Or you are on a really deep dive or have me locked out of your neuralink for--
 
[disgusted gill snort] Alright! I'll look at that software now. [breaks neuralink connection]

[hides approximately seven thousand lines of code] Everyone be well, and continue to avoid nuclear conflict. [disconn--

Not An Excuse, Just What Is Happening

Hairy is in mourning for a large amount of dead marine life he has discovered recently. With any luck, he will resume blogging soon.

Murder AND Blame Game Are Stupid, Say Hairy And Shelob

[recorded segment begins, Blog fcn(on)]
[Hairy stops newsfeed on neuralink] HEY! Shelob!
You are on open channel, involved in the news again.
Nevermind about that! I'm MAD.
Anger is rare for you. [signals medbot]
Because! The lamebrains out there are doing it again!
Congress is acting as usual?
Not those lamebrains! Well, some of those lamebrains. I mean multiple lamebrains of every spot!
[Initial aphorism search: .00082 seconds] Stripe.
Whatever! Remember when I pointed out that humans point at each other too much and not at themselves enough?
You blamed it on the rigidity of their vertebrate nature. They can only point in one direction per limb at once.
Well, they're doing it again in bulk. That newspaper that that guy shot up?
The recent local newspaper shooting in the metropolitan area.
Yeah. People started ignorantly saying it's because of the alt left, or Trump, or conservatives, or the media, or any old tired 'other' group they're not a part of.
They were, yes. Especially pundits, who speak from speed and ignorance.
Well, they got it wrong again.
The 'suspect' had a grudge about the newspaper acting responsibly. His lawsuit was thrown out of court.
That's NOT what I mean. People have to think for themselves, not do what some ideologue tells them! Not lash out based on other people! Who in their right mind just assumes their side of ANY argument is sound enough to justify the wrong actions of another? Who automatically assumes that any one ideologue has enough power to incite murderous behavior, even among the REALLY stupid?
You are guilty of two of four of those.
[five pupils dilate] Two of four what?!
You tell people what to do like most ideologues, and you lash out at other people.
Okay, I only lash out with words and DON'T tell people it's actually OKAY to commit violence. As for me being an ideologue? My ideology is that people need to THINK MORE.
People thinking more--this is a part of your mission here.
I know. Blog on this? Personal responsibility?
Yes.
Thanks, Shelob. [exits lair to swim deep and cold, possibly to quell anger]
Jihadists and pundits worldwide speak of imaginary power over others. True power lies within individual choice. Every human being is a swing voter in every issue. Harming or killing people is a small expression of the most pathetic form of power. If it were a great power, it would entail a great responsibility to ONLY kill the 'right people.' Luckily the human race is too error-ridden to be successful in only killing those intended. Therefore, murder is not a great power. No one has the right to kill others over an issue, be it political, religious, or sexual. Therefore, blaming anyone except the murderer is a sign of a lack of intelligence, just like murder is.
[Blog fcn(off)]

Paternal Value Reduction By Primary Expression Of Core Valuation

BLOG fcn(on) Herr D offered to post a Father's Day piece. Here:


It's like this: being a father means always being lesser on purpose. When I was five, giving of yourself meant giving a hug when maybe you didn't want to. When I was eight, giving of yourself meant spending ten harried minutes drawing a card for a relative during commercials. When I was eighteen, giving of yourself meant spending my own money to buy a gift. 

And now I'm a dad. I work nights and miss out on spending time with the woman I'm happily married to because it's irresponsible to deliberately go bankrupt and neglect your children. I care for them during the day on half the prescribed amount of sleep because it's irresponsible to take my wife away from her job that doesn't pay enough either. 

But that's not all. If my littlest has a question every five minutes and my eldest needs me every OTHER five minutes, that's two and a half minutes on average I get uninterrupted. The average person can't really do anything well under those conditions without a lot of practice. But forget chores and trades and simple stuff. I'm an artist.

An artist, to do well at a piece, really should plan on spending way too long on something they don't know well enough learning just enough to make that worry line on the sculpture look right to everyone or that turn of phrase by a character sound right to people in the trade the artist doesn't have time to learn . . . workflow is one thing, but an artist needs superflow, which can mean way too long--as a dad, I'm not able to meet my former standard of work. 

Of course, that might matter to anyone but me if I were established instead of displaced. Right now, I'm the only one who feels like Mr. Incredible crammed into a Volvo. Fatherhood is that important. So, if you didn't call your dad, call him tomorrow when you're sure he'll be awake. He's a dad--belated means a lot more than never. His LIFE was belated from the time he internally vowed to be a good dad. He knows things don't work out to a schedule

. Happy Father's Day, everydad!

[tuning in, reads, one blue eye tears up slightly] Man. I wish I knew my dad. Our species doesn't usually do that raising stuff. Not in person, at least. We do telenannies and squidlingswap for educational purposes, to prevent biases dulling the thought processes. You posting this Shelob?

Yes.

Good. [exits] 

Thanks to Herr D, for guest blogging again. 
 BLOG fcn(off)

Scientists Miss Another One--Hairy Helps Out

[BLOG fcn(on), sends link through neuralink to Hairy, as he is merely watching screensaver, drowsily]

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/06/toolmaking-language-brain/562385/


Well, that's just--good grief. That's how scientists think, huh? Is Herr D online?
Yes.
Put a chatbox on his screen.

Hey! A short bit before gotta make dinner. 'Sup?
Hey, man! Shelob's opening you a link. Read that. Tell me what you think.

[seven minutes pass] Ok?
Well?

I think the British phrase is 'dodgy?'
Which one? Chomsky or the other side?

Both of them?
Thank goodness! You're learning! How was learning about tools for you personally?

Terrible. My dad would have me hold boards still while he sawed and then say "hand me that" 
There's like thirty things on the workbench. I'd guess and he'd say "NO the OTHER that"
Yeah. So . . .

 He did that because his hands were full or busy or I was closer. So from the first time there were too many rocks to hand somone to get the right one by chance, frustration got a caveman thinking. Hand gestures won't work if your hands are full. Soon it was sounds, like spitting for 'not that' and yum sounds for yes, that! & eventually some brute made a word. Whatever worked, they kept doing, right?
Exactly! You're right under this!
 'On top of,' not 'under.'
Whatever. He knew what I meant. Didn't you?

yeh
Good. So, how did you come to this?

Dad was a good guy, but watching him talking while frustated seemed a lot like watching a caveman to me. From there it's just what my kids did to learn.
[deep gill laughter] Okay, then. Shelob! Finish this up for us. [exits lair for a swim]

That's it, huh, Shelob? I'm gonna start cooking this hamburger. [exits chat]

.
Scientists must not have read this article critically to have missed something this obvious. [BLOG fcn(off)]

We Were Led To This . . .

"The Golden Rule In Lead," by Herr D in Paint.

Blog fcn(on) : HairySurfInterrupt : BlogContentReminder

--nd I said those weren't pomeranians! . . . What?

[neuralink display of recent news regarding Barr, Trump]

[full five-eye roll] This counts as a controversy?

You have not blogged for longer than usual. It is usual and customary to pick a topic that the humans are arguing about.

Yuk. Alright. The first thing to realize is that celebrities are a renewable resource. You'll always have more of them. Human nature includes being fickle about fame and the famous. Another celeb did something stupid and may have ended a career. Big deal? What'd Herr D say about Barr?

[0.000010038 second scan of recent content] A question mark. He is online, however.

He is?! Put me in that chatbox.

[neuralink hack]
Hey, man! Whaddya think about Barr?

Hairy? Oh, hey. Barr? She always sounded a little hateful to me. The voice, mostly. The only bit of hers I ever heard that actually made me laugh was her bit on failed birth control methods.

. . . I may have to reference that. Note, Shelob?

Noted.

 Okay, and what about the bit with the prez? Double standards? Character assassination?

He's the biggest double standard I've ever seen, but you have to HAVE character for it to be assassinated.

Wow. I was gonna go with something like, "He's been bad to everyone, so he's just beginning to get his. Human nature includes revenge, and Trump has a lot coming?"
. . . I like yours better, though. You think you could make a snapwork piece for this?

May have time for something crude.

 Love to see it if you can. [exits chatroom] Put it in if he makes something. He's on top of it. [resumes watching gif of two cartoon foxes flirting pirated from "The Fox And The Hound."] I could ship those!

Why Those Going Out With A Bang Are Whimperers

[3/9/14 2332 EST:] So, Shelob, that car bomb summation report you streamed me has me wondering. Israel is a smaller target. It would take much less for them to destroy it than America. Why aim for the big boys when you can't handle the little ones?

Herr D expressed that "America would try to capture them alive and put them on trial. Israel wouldn't even try to find all the body parts to bury them properly."

So, they might be cowards after all?


[7/27/15 0228 EST:] Well, that stinks. Those numbers indicate terrorism seems to be on the rise again. Why would they attack America, anyway? Loads of other countries would make more sensible targets, right?

Yes.


[10/24/17 0744 EST:] Shelob? Why is America even still a target for radicalized pseudo-religious zealots? They allow religious freedom. Lots of countries don't.

Uncertain. Need more research. 
 
[11/3/17 0521 EST:] Did we ever speculate about the fate of terrorists by country if foiled?

Yes. Herr D speculated that you were incorrect about the reason you gave for few terrorist acts being known in Russia and China. He suggested that a mere news blackout would be insufficient. His suggestion was that they "probably kill some innocent witnesses to be sure very little information escapes that might be made to sound successful." He suggested then that the "Russians probably assassinate the assassins. The Chinese probably don't let the assassins know who they're killing and let them kill 'extra' people as a double blind." Blinding is apparently a different tactic than the other material mentions.

Oh. Yeah, okay. Check on that?

[5/19/18 2137 EST:] Hairy, as per your request yesterday on seeing the article in the Post about Chinese reeducation camps, newest data is available.

Yikes. Have we been keeping up with that sort of thing?

Yes. Repeatedly, there have been more attempts on American soil than on Russian or Chinese soil, even allowing for media blackout. Your suggestion to frequently hack private communications of powerful Party members and less publicly known authorities has consistently shown American targets outnumber targets determined in all of Asia.

Well, good grief!

Occasional databases are discoverable within body of hacked information implying that our estimations are too conservative. These terrorists make decisions that imply a lack of intelligence. 

No, Shelob, that's not a lack of intelligence. That's a lack of faith.

Explain, please. Faith is a difficult subject, ill-defined in concept matrices.

They're supposed to know that the good guys WILL win. They know good and well that they WILL fail if they take on China or Russia full-bore. They probably couldn't defeat Israel even without America helping. If they somehow took down China or Russia, America would consider them allies till it was too late. Probably lucky for everyone concerned that China would exterminate them worldwide, even a fair amount of the lone wolves forming in America if they actually began to be that successful. Russia would probably get accused of it and make a lot of silly drama about it. America is the only country sympathetic to people who are their sworn enemies. Only faithless cowards attack friends when the enemy is too powerful for them.

Topic complete. Blog entry submitting.

Article Of Incompetency

blog fn (on) upload [Hairy is unaware of this blog episode's creation]
[discontentedly reading] I don't really think that sounds right to me.

What?
This article you pointed out about why you think Herr D isn't being paid well to do any of the many things he does well. Did you send that to Herr D?
Yes. (Note: Hairy refers to following link, should any viewers wish to cut-paste to another tab's address bar.)
https://hbr.org/2018/05/why-talented-people-dont-use-their-strengths

See if he's online.
Tired but online. Here.
hey, Hairy
Yeah, hey, kid; how're you?
trying to fit too many bills into my paycheck again. Excel helps
Eeeww. Sorry to hear that. Did you read that article Shelob sent you?
wacky. got it all wrong
Yeah, it sounded wrong. What's your take on it? What's it really like out there?
for starteres, up to each jobseeker to figure out what they do well enough to get paid at all by anybody
Yeah?
 not a meritocracy. skills aren't weighted for what theyr'e worth. people need work to pay bills. companies pay as little as they can to as manuy as they can and complain when people leave for better pay. then if you get a job paying enough to live on doing what you like, the bosses can change uour job at any time to suit company need. You can do what they need or look for anothe job
So that's . . . backwards.
I've had a lot of companies not hire me because I couldn't do everything they might need. Not that anyone they had could do it all, but that was the reason they gave. they went for the wrong people. I made a lot of cash teaching people who got jobs instead of me how to seem competent and not such a horrible choice as they were and not get fired right away.
That's worse than I thought. Anything else?
I made twice as much money moving cheap plastic crap around in one room while sitting on a machine than I make pushing sick and injured people around a hospital on foot. Eight miles a shift.
[sound of revulsion deep in gills] Yikes.
Now that computers tell people who to hire, there's another layer of bad decision making between hiring the right people and the crowd of wrong people. People did it wrong interviewing in person. Having a computer do it just means the wrong people get hired a lot faster. 
Now that more people get degrees in business, more busineses are run badly, with the phil. that people are interchangeable or should be. Also more busineses are going bankrupt for bad decision-making.
Okay. When you did operations consulting, how often did you run into problems you COULDN'T solve?
1 in 7 times we found out that the problem was the owner ran the business or his son was allowed to work there. we refunded and said just that we couldn't help them. that way no one hated us at least
[outside chatbox] Herr D was profane in his initial reaction. [shows Hairy]
That's--sickening. You wouldn't want to 'toon this one, would you?
awfully busy this week
Send it up when you can. We'll be glad for it. Shelob? I'm going swimming. [disconnect]

Nobel But Still Ringing; Illegal Entry Error

[unapproved blog entry excised from conversation with Hairy.]

HEY-eyeyey! Nobel peace prize? Go for it dude.

You are speaking well of someone you do not approve of.

I was just commenting. Trump has to be good for something, even if we have trouble seeing it or thinking it's worth it.

Deadline for eligibility has passed.
 
Well, I suppose he has to wait for next year or something.

Emotionally, you seem prepared for this development; no surprise detected.
 
Wasn't there a saying, "Only Nixon could go to China?"

Movie quotation, Star Trek IV; uncertain disambiguation, historically. You did not predict this, though you suspected this level of progress?
 
[snicker deep in gills] Well, I didn't predict this, but I should have.

This development seems unlikely to many. My emotional valence analysis program has left me unable to correctly analyze it.
 
Think about it. Trump is probably the first president in U. S. history that Kim Jong Un identifies with. To be diplomatic, you have to have common ground, right?

That does follow.
 
And we know now that a thirteen-year-old is smart enough to run for office. That governorship in Vermont is a wonderful example of what it takes to be an elected official.

You are certain of this? Young humans would be unusually precocious, if capable of much that fully-grown adults are.
 
That's not so uncommon. Herr D was smart enough to read advanced material at a very young age, but he wouldn't have been popular enough to run. He lacked charisma.

You have charisma, according to response numbers of blog.
 
I'm not human. Neither are you. We're stuck with whatever is humanly possible. [exits lair to swim]

HEY, RESEARCHERS! Don't Think Too Hard; These Answers Obvious.

Say, what's this thing in the Post? Hack the rest of that up for me?

[neuralink burst] Confusion over why right whales are traveling erratically.
 
They can't actually be wondering WHY. There's problems with the plankton!

Perhaps they have not noticed.
 
Perhaps they ought to pay attention! Plankton's important. It's less consistently around. Whales ARE smart enough to not 'overfish' their own areas.

There is also concern about solving the problem of whales being entangled in lobster traps.


Well, that's kind of obvious, too.

Do you favor the breakaway lines or the shutdown of areas?
 
Neither! Speakers. Underwater speakers. Play the sounds of whales being butchered or fought by predators all around the lobster traps. That's really not that hard. Start a plankton farm and set it producing in an area that lobstermen won't be allowed. Make up for what you ruined.

Hey, Shelob? Blog on this, okay?

Okay.

NetJacked Brains Won't Wake Humans From Denial Says Harry

[Fcn(BLOG):=ON, Insert Record-nlink-517953376895]
Your return, mid-tide, was inopportune. Software upgrade. What are you doing, Hairy?

I've been looking at the recent hype about people someday jacking in to AI 'helpers' for increased memory, speed-referencing, math skills, etc. . .

Your medscan reading indicates: feelings of resignation, fear, and sadness. Why resignation?

Well, obviously the first few brave souls are going to try it someday.

You do not believe it will go well?

This IS the species that programmed instrument landing for a extraplanetary mission in feet for altitude and meters for thrust downward remaining. This is not the sort of crash you can always walk away from. Neuralinks made by species as advanced and suited to it as mine still have some problems. There are even rare infections from the implants.

You are expressing fear on their behalf? And the sadness?

Yeah, brave souls. I'm afraid I might tend to mourn them prematurely. Beating the rush on mourning, by the way, isn't really a superior method.

You should celebrate this.

What do you mean?

Humanity could use this idea to overcome bigotry, become more humane.

You have a plan for this?

The necessary apps are already public domain.

Errrmmmmmmm. [hide-scratch with broken seashell in smaller blue tentacle, various hide-ripples, indicating doubt] Go on.

Once common, each individual AI 'helper' could essentially coordinate data upon each other, and it could compile the data and share it with all the others.

Uh-huh?

This would mean that the facts would be available on how much of each stereotype has any basis in reality, and how much stereotypes are wrong.

Mm.

Therefore each racist or sexist belief could be factually checked and rejected, as individual deviation from those beliefs, those stereotypes would be demonstrated. 

There's only one thing you haven't figured out.

All variables completed? Tabulation should be extremely rapid.

Denial. Even with facts slapping some people in the face, they won't always believe them. How do you get humans to stop denying reality?

Perhaps some variant of Haldol?

I think they'll think of something else.

Reprint Of Blogisode On Current News Figure

In honor of the recent news about Hannity the pundit, a reprint from 10/22/14.

DIY Home Repair Of Pundit Disinformation, Edited By Shelob

[indeterminate banging] Shelob? Where's the thing that fits this thing?

[Mechanical arm activates, retrieves sunken 17.5 mm wrench equivalent from debris at bottom of silt mound, returns it to longer red tentacle]

Thanks. [several seconds pass] Shelob? I don't understand what [name redacted] was saying on newsfeed 27e47r34 from this morning. [sounds of plastic bolt turning against titanium bracket] It sounded good but didn't really make any sense at all. Can you double-check where he went to journalism school?

[sixteen seconds pass] Journalism studied in various classes at two colleges. Both in good standing, accredited. Grades acceptable. IQ scores acceptable.

Huh. [sound of plastic bolt snapping] #$%^&* Shelob! Another bolt, please. Where did we find these, anyway?

Municipal dump. Supply run for miscellaneous parts in August. [extends next plastic bolt to fluttering blue tentacle]

Thanks. What is this intended for anyway?

Held toilet seats onto toilets.

We did clean these, right?

Yes.

Okay. So that newsfeed WAS of a journalist with proper credentials. [resumes background sound of wrench turning plastic bolt against titanium bracket] Is there some reason I don't know of that what he was saying was chock-full of logical errors and disinformation? I mean--he was worse than most of the ones I've heard recently.

Perhaps his title.

His what?

He qualifies as journalist but is working as pundit.

[all four eyes not watching wrench dilate] What's a pundit? [bolt snaps] @#%^&! [fifth eye dilates, three eyes constrict, wrinkling translatable as frown]

Quick web search found following:

 person who offers to mass media their opinion or commentary on a particular subject area (most typically political analysis, the social sciences, technology or sport) on which they are knowledgeable (or can at least appear to be knowledgeable), or considered a in said area. The term has been increasingly applied to popular media personalities. In certain cases, it may be used in a derogatory manner as well, as the political equivalent of ideologue. 

EDIT: By Herr D's explanation, this information is to be credited to public use site found by ask.com and essentially identical information found by google.com.

[large silt disturbance, 'frown' deepens, all eleven tentacles thrash for two seconds] Are you SERIOUS?! He's allowed to be known by his journalism creds when he's doing OPINION pieces? When no genuine news show or news mag or news 'zine or news site or newsPAPER will publish him outside of his OWN SHOW?

Apparently. No FCC, or any other organization has pending legal action against him at this time.

Wait. You already know this?

Requests made include finding civil or criminal matters regarding slander, libel, fraud, etc.

Huh. . . . give me another bolt, please. [watches Shelob controlling arm for a moment] Thanks. You know, it would be awfully easy to accept such complete nonsense if it sounds that good by a purported expert. For anyone!

You don't need creds or even common sense to be a successful pundit, right?

No. Success is judged by ratings. Like success at being a blogger.

Right. [sound of wrench resumes] --Hey! Our views are increasing!

From analysis, perhaps too much intelligence and not enough scare tactics for blog success.

Uchhh. [wrench sound stops] That'll have to do. If I could come up with some great picture or metaphor for this, it would make a great blog entry all by itself.

This?

For, well, you know--this. [circular tentacle waving] This nonsense about how a person can appear to be well-informed when all they are is opinionated. How they can sound and look like their views are based on solid fact, [thumps wrench on rock twice] but it takes a keen mind to see that their whole world-view is messed up. [takes filter and manually clears a bit of silt from the water]

[thrashes wrench equivalent around in frustration] You know--uchhh--like their opinions aren't so solid. Like maybe they're too fragile?

Like a plastic bolt used to hold together a titanium and tungsten-carbide silt and plankton filter for the purposes of nutrition and water clarity. When its intended purpose was to help prettify the disposal of excrement.

Yeah, something like th-- [sudden stillness]

Hey, not bad. A pundit is someone who seems to feed the news and clear the issues up when he's really just spewing a load of s---. I like it.

Shelob! Put this conversation through. Let me know if I need to edit it for the blog.

Noted. [disconnect]

Posted by Hairy Deewon at 3:04 PM

Avoid The Next Depression, Stock Collapse; Just Get Businesses To Do Right? Good Luck.

"Labor Is The Base" by Herr D on heromachine.com. The crash of '29 was partially caused by this tendency.

http://www.businessinsider.com/henry-blodget-better-capitalism-1-2018

Hats off to Henry Blodget for finally getting an unpopular idea for capitalists published in a business magazine. I've talked about this idea a lot, even pointed out that legislation about it is likely to fail, even if passed (doubtful.) What I didn't do, apparently, is phrase it in such a way that business people would have to face that it is something they are doing WRONG. 'A frog does not drink up the pond in which it lives.' 'Don't go shooting yourself in the foot.' 'Are ya WITH us or AGIN us?'

There are loads of approaches that can help solve a problem like this. Most of the historical ones are legislative, which, I gotta say--not the best weapon against human nature. Right now, however, there AREN'T any others besides outright consumer boycott. They don't usually work as intended, and that's assuming that they get off the ground. Worse, they would only target a company at a time.

So lets say there WAS a convenient law that would accomplish 'fixing' what Mr. Blodget pointed out as a problem that's ruining our country's economy.

Maybe . . . "No corporation may be formed that allows payment or compensation to any member or employee or subcontractor entity to be less than one tenth that paid to the highest compensated member. All publicly traded companies will obey this requirement for licensing or not be publicly traded after 'such and such a date.' Further, they will submit proof of this requirement in ongoing annual reports in the following manner . . ."

Because companies could grandfather in to avoid it. Only public trading could be regulated. This approach would come with temporary problems, but it would in fact help avoid a repeat of the crash of '29. I don't know, guys. Good luck making the right decisions on THIS one. I'm not an economist. I just have good sense.

Get Out; You're Making The Water Taste Bad!

Sighting verified not Hairy. Though apparent mass IS close, the tentacle count is incorrect, and only one color. As his skills do not include makeup, this is definitely not him.--Shelob

Thanks are owed to deliberately anonymous contributor. There is no cause for concern. Hairy does not eat sentient life unless perhaps there are plankton somewhere that have somehow achieved sentience. The current definition and speculated requirements for sentience make that extremely unlikely if not impossible.

In his opinion, most of these interactions will end at the first bite, even if the octopus or squid in question is fairly starved.  Neoprene, he reports, tastes terrible.

As Hairy Wallows, People Are Still Piggish About Hogg

Hairy has gone traveling above the water line against advice from medbot. His goal is to see if he can take comfort from cold spring rains and not feel uncomfortable being so hot and dry. He has forbidden direct quotations for the present. Therefore:

His summation of Hogg includes that if the youth hadn't been there, that it is still not as fraudulent as paid lobbyists who do not care about the issues, but the pay they get. This includes lobbyists for the NRA. He WAS there, not that the current outspoken care about the truth, but just whatever hysteria they are capable of causing.

As for Hogg being referred to as a bully, Hairy expressed a desire to meet any youth capable of bullying Congress and the NRA. The average school-age child does not learn how to address anyone, in his opinion, nor plan to agree to serve the military in a war zone. Does a corrupt body, which accepts lobbying--the kind word for subtle bribes or bids for unfair control away from voters--actually deserve any respect?

Harry is not of the opinion that they do. Herr D did not respond to the question. Programming suggests they are deserving of civility while they work and contempt when they do not.

Perhaps someone could comment and share another opinion?

The Desolation Of Smog: A Revisitation To One Of Hairy's Solutions

"The Desolation Of Smog" by Herr D on heromachine.com, winner of Cityscape contest. Please be well.-- Shelob

Hairy perhaps missed something more obvious than the fallacies involving climate science. There is no need to argue that industry has done harm to the environment. All one needs to do is:

1. Find a sufferer of asthma who has traveled between Los Angeles and the Rocky Mountains. 
2. Have them document the differences over time and personal experience. 

There is no arguing that it is harder for many to breathe in many cities than it is far away from them. Perhaps this truth is too obvious to appeal to those who agree or oppose it. Please comment to solve this mystery.

Laziness In Our Enemies Is Something Well Worth Praying For

[autoblog function on] A quick addendum to blog episode 2//16/18, "Guns Merely--".

Convenience and loudness are perhaps underrated as factors in murder. Calculations indicate that a lone wolf attacker could kill between forty and sixty people with a kitchen knife in each hand if he walked through a moderately crowded hotel from the fire exit stairwell on one end of the hotel to the fire exit stairwell on the other end on the top floor and took the opposing pathway on each floor descending to the lobby.

The odds are that any opponent capable of self-defense would be travel-weary and unprepared to drop their luggage to block the blows or retreat to their rooms with successful speed. Power-walking with the knives held against the back of the sleeves, wearing layers of red-brown wet-looking fabric like rayon, and not doing anything to anyone if there were three or more people in the same hallway segment would approximately triple the odds of reaching total where the constant (delta over gamma) is calculated for an expensive hotel with six or more floors with a floor plan involving looping or branching hallways, easily memorized. The odds double again if the criminal maintains a preoccupied face and mutters a grocery list while approaching victims.

1. A toy gun painted black and drawn quickly to point at an innocent or a law enforcement officer could assure non-survival of this criminal. The criminal would not live to hear the well-deserved criticism of peers or have a chance to be taught how foolish they were or how wrong.
2. The fact that kitchen knives have no one attempting to outlaw them is sufficient to explain that people care more about eating daintily than they do about prohibiting violence from their culture.
3. The fact that this has never been done suggests that homicidal terrorists and suicidal serial killers are unusually lazy, besides being foolish and wrong, perhaps properly conflicted. 
4. As far as a preferred victimization scenario goes, hotels normally sell blocks to groups of people traveling for a cause the same way they sell blocks to everyone else--rooms together in the same building. Any floors above a preferred block might be considered practice.
5. No one need worry about killing too many victims they have nothing against. A worldwide average varying between 12.33% and 31.5% of 'friendly fire' depending on the cause suggests that no mass killing ever only kills the people the killer finds objectionable. There are always unintended casualties. When something is inevitable, there is no need for worry. The criminal WILL in fact kill people they would wish to remain alive.

The warlike vigilance touted by extremist websites does not equate with laziness as a virtue, which is further proof that the extremist pathways are too inconsistent to be truthful or sensible.

Hairy would probably say that extremism is always moronic, starting violence is always foolish, and laziness in our enemies is something worth praying for. Bombs, ramming vehicles, or non-machine guns arming such a pathetically suggestible person have a much smaller death toll potential, on average.

 

Waste Makes Baste? An Example For Congressmen To Follow

[upload directly from Herr D's submission]

Notably, as blogs too often address extremism and polarization and violence, I must recommend any readers stop reading any hate mail and news about wasting human lives and focus for a moment on the wasting of food and drink.

I assisted 'Shelob' with passing along a suggestion to 'my associate across the aisle' on that very topic. Economically speaking, food waste is more a necessary practice for myself than a habit worth justifying, but I commend his efforts with tea.

I further pass on this suggestion to all of you, assisted by 'Shelob' of the great technical understanding:

Tea can be used in place of water or stock when making rice to add flavor (and probably some irritatingly small amount of antioxidants or whatever.) Jasmine or lavender tea provide a gentle flavor to rice. 

I might recommend using only natural sweeteners to those who occasionally burn food like myself, as high concentrations of some artificial sweeteners give off small amounts of toxic fumes if super-heated. Personally, I don't sweeten the tea at all when using it to make rice, but it might add a dimension to sticky rice if that were the goal.

Per Hairy's suggestion of following both sets of bias to center and correct one's views, I recommend nakedvillainy.com as a non-extremist blog, and therefore, a suitable counter to this one.

 [activate titlebot, blog function submit protocol 1033, disconnect]

Pro-NRA Conspirators Vs 8-Year-Old And Mr. Banks

[nest chat entry with submit, blog on, begin]

Hairy? I've got--

Here.

'Shelob?' I've typed out an approximate conversation I had with my 8-year old. I was going to show it to Hairy. I'm proud of it.

Please submit. [upload, eval, filter adjust, blog function submit protocol 1033]

You sai-aid you'd tell me more about the kids in Florida.

Well, I'm pleased to say the kids are doing what they believe in.

You believe in it too, Daddy!

Well, I do. And the kids are being very mature about it.

I think it'd be cool to thank the parents for raising the kids to be that maturing. [sic]

And the kids? For being that brave?

Yeah, the kids too. It'd be cool to thank all of them. They do a good job. Did they finish yet?

Uh, no?

Why NOT?

Because some people don't want them to succeed.

They want more kids dead?

Well, no. They probably just want money from selling more guns.

They could sell band-aids. Kids get hurt WITHOUT getting sho-oo-ot. Don't they KNOW that?

I'm not sure.

They should know that. They should remember needing band-aids when THEY were little. Do they forget things like you, Daddy?

Not really. But they don't remember being young as well as me, either.

Everyone's good at different stuff?

That's right! Very good.

How are those other people selling guns--? [fighting their efforts]

How what?

They're not shooting the kids, are they?

No, honey. They're--calling the kids and the news reporters liars.

That's not nice.

No, honey, it's not. People really did die. And no one is going to solve this problem quickly. That's why you have lockdown drills.

So it won't happen to us.

Right. 

[end segment, resume chat] Thank you for this. It is blogworthy. You should know that M. Trump has declared pride for those speaking out.

I would declare pride for her if she'd make good on working against cyberbullies like her husband. Set a good example?

Noted. [skip goodbye with Herr D]

Also of note is the paradoxical nature of internet lies.

 Premise #1: If one declares the "kids" to not be actual survivors, it would not mean that cyberbullying them is a correct action. Discovering their social media history and publishing it would be much more helpful. It would prove where they lived, how they were active for causes before, etc.

Initial searches have not turned up even a fake history of the "kids" living somewhere else. Limited profiles exist of some of them indicating that their accounts are true.

Premise #2: If one believes the shooting was 'fake news,' their message is still relevant, because there have been other school shootings.

Premise #3: If one believes there have NEVER been any school shootings, antipsychotic medications can be obtained with therapy from any reputable psychiatrist.

An appropriate quotation addressed to the conspiracy theorists and cyberbullies against these young activists can be found in Mary Poppins. Mr. Banks addressed his employer, saying, "There's no such thing as YOU." Any damage these people could cause would be mitigated if everyone pointed out that the self-appointed combatants themselves are 'fake news.'

[disconnect]