Wednesday, October 22, 2014

DIY Home Repair Of Pundit Disinformation, Edited By Shelob

[indeterminate banging] Shelob? Where's the thing that fits this thing?

[Mechanical arm activates, retrieves sunken 17.5 mm wrench equivalent from debris at bottom of silt mound, returns it to longer red tentacle]

Thanks. [several seconds pass] Shelob? I don't understand what [name redacted] was saying on newsfeed 27e47r34 from this morning. [sounds of plastic bolt turning against titanium bracket] It sounded good but didn't really make any sense at all. Can you double-check where he went to journalism school?

[sixteen seconds pass] Journalism studied in various classes at two colleges. Both in good standing, accredited. Grades acceptable. IQ scores acceptable.

Huh. [sound of plastic bolt snapping] #$%^&* Shelob! Another bolt, please. Where did we find these, anyway?

Municipal dump. Supply run for miscellaneous parts in August. [extends next plastic bolt to fluttering blue tentacle]

Thanks. What is this intended for anyway?

Held toilet seats onto toilets.

We did clean these, right?


Okay. So that newsfeed WAS of a journalist with proper credentials. [resumes background sound of wrench turning plastic bolt against titanium bracket] Is there some reason I don't know of that what he was saying was chock-full of logical errors and disinformation? I mean--he was worse than most of the ones I've heard recently.

Perhaps his title.

His what?

He qualifies as journalist but is working as pundit.

[all four eyes not watching wrench dilate] What's a pundit? [bolt snaps] @#%^&! [fifth eye dilates, three eyes constrict, wrinkling translatable as frown]

Quick web search found following:

 person who offers to mass media their opinion or commentary on a particular subject area (most typically political analysis, the social sciences, technology or sport) on which they are knowledgeable (or can at least appear to be knowledgeable), or considered a in said area. The term has been increasingly applied to popular media personalities. In certain cases, it may be used in a derogatory manner as well, as the political equivalent of ideologue

EDIT: By Herr D's explanation, this information is to be credited to public use site found by and essentially identical information found by

[large silt disturbance, 'frown' deepens, all eleven tentacles thrash for two seconds] Are you SERIOUS?! He's allowed to be known by his journalism creds when he's doing OPINION pieces? When no genuine news show or news mag or news 'zine or news site or newsPAPER will publish him outside of his OWN SHOW?

Apparently. No FCC, or any other organization has pending legal action against him at this time.

Wait. You already know this?

Requests made include finding civil or criminal matters regarding slander, libel, fraud, etc.

Huh. . . . give me another bolt, please. [watches Shelob controlling arm for a moment] Thanks. You know, it would be awfully easy to accept such complete nonsense if it sounds that good by a purported expert. For anyone!

You don't need creds or even common sense to be a successful pundit, right?

No. Success is judged by ratings. Like success at being a blogger.

Right. [sound of wrench resumes] --Hey! Our views are increasing!

From analysis, perhaps too much intelligence and not enough scare tactics for blog success.

Uchhh. [wrench sound stops] That'll have to do. If I could come up with some great picture or metaphor for this, it would make a great blog entry all by itself.


For, well, you know--this. [circular tentacle waving] This nonsense about how a person can appear to be well-informed when all they are is opinionated. How they can sound and look like their views are based on solid fact, [thumps wrench on rock twice] but it takes a keen mind to see that their whole world-view is messed up. [takes filter and manually clears a bit of silt from the water]

[thrashes wrench equivalent around in frustration] You know--uchhh--like their opinions aren't so solid. Like maybe they're too fragile?

Like a plastic bolt used to hold together a titanium and tungsten-carbide silt and plankton filter for the purposes of nutrition and water clarity. When its intended purpose was to help prettify the disposal of excrement.

Yeah, something like th-- [sudden stillness]

Hey, not bad. A pundit is someone who seems to feed the news and clear the issues up when he's really just spewing a load of s---. I like it.

Shelob! Put this conversation through. Let me know if I need to edit it for the blog.

Noted. [disconnect]

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