We Can't Kill Them, So Let's Try To Starve Them Out

[gurgling laughter] Shelob? Who ARE these people on this newsfeed?

Not news. Those are assorted ads for lawyers from late night television. Referred to as 'ambulance chasers.'

Do they know how funny they sound?

Uncertain.

"Be careful after your accident!" [giggle] If a person was more careful BEFORE the accident, the accident might not have happened!

Hence cutting into the lawyers' profit potential.

"Don't sign anything!" Like your hospital check-in form, your refusal of treatment form, your statement to the police? Who gives bad advice like that?

Lawyers, apparently.

[downright raucous laughter] Look! This one's got a celebrity spokesperson! It MUST be a great firm--it's gone where no actors have gone before!

[rapid blinking as gills expel violently, begin to re-regulate] Oh, my. I guess the best advice is to not need the help of anyone who advertises like this. Just whatever you can do, or not do, to NOT need the help of any of them. Good luck, everyone.