Friday, November 21, 2014

This Is A Special Fake News Bulletin--Please Stand By

I'm going to try an experiment today. I'm going to stick to the topic of crisis management but portray it as: (hold your breath, imagine a drumroll--)


So here is my commentator, Herr D, reporting what he saw on television last night. We start in the middle so it might sound like you missed something important.

So, we'll call her 'Smelly.' She misquoted / quoted out of context President Obama four times that I caught with a casual listen. She couldn't even quote a movie correctly. I see why she shouldn't be a news anchor, but why would anyone think she'd make a decent pundit?

She's attractive and all, but blondness won over brains with her. If you figure out who I mean, mute her from now on. If you can't hear her, her more appropriate nickname is 'Lovely.'

She tried to pick apart a guest made most famous for suffering facial damage. (Talk about sticking your nose in!) There's a guy who'll say what people don't like to hear. Her guest, who I'll refer to as 'Harold,' claimed he knew exactly why Obama did things, and that he didn't care just so they were done.

Harold, I don't read minds, but I know that trying to think you can when you can't makes you at least partly wrong. Don't claim you understand to the core the motives of a politician. Regular people who aren't well-paid to project a certain image are misread by the most insightful people in the world.

In the same broadcast, a congressman promised that he and his would 'defund' certain of Obama's efforts. So who's getting laid off, demoted, transferred? Clearly you don't care about the government employees any more than you cared about this issue before right now.

Why would anyone claim Obama "can't do that?" If congress had gone and done enough, Obama's resolve would never have strengthened on that issue. If he's "playing politics," then that makes you a sore loser. Really though, neither the president nor congress is "playing politics." That's their job. That's what we pay them to do. They're professionals.

[burbling laughter] Herr D, I didn't know you had it in you. [sudden startle] Good point about professional liars lawyers politicians. Where the average mind is--

[five pupils dilate] um . . . PROBABLY layered like a good haircut, a successful politician's mind is about as--um, LIKELY to be as straightforward and easy-to-untangle as a hairball straight from the mouth of a housecat.

I'm thinking here that news media portray this as outrageous. What's that expression? Meh?


Thank you, Shelob. This is not a crisis. This really isn't such a big deal. Either the squabble will needlessly continue, or everyone involved will get their way. Either the right balance will be achieved, or the infighting and sabotage of others' work will prevent any true progress or anything else from occurring.

I don't think I need to explicitly say what's more likely. Who disagrees with anything any of us have said?

Well, that's the fake news from me. At least I was honest about it. Till next time. [disconnect]

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