Leading By Example: Attempt #1

[hideous slurping noise, loud, long belch] Okay. So, Shelob? How did the president get a time differential machine?

Evidence suggests that he did not.

Then why did he make that speech after the Ferguson verdict was returned instead of before? That's the kind of mistake I make now, having been subject to time differentials.

Does resemble your errors. [1.18 seconds pass] Alternate explanations exist.

[Three eyes open wider] Okay?

Alternate explanation 1: He forgot.
Alternate explanation 2: He was late.
Alternate explanation 3: He was misinformed as to events, scheduling, etc.
Alternate explanation 4: He was naive enough to think there would be no problems at all, that people would consistently react in the proper manner.
Alternate explanation 5: He was hopeful enough to think there would be no problems at all, that people would consistently react in the proper manner. Then he saw footage and made the speech.
A--

Yeah, okay, I got it. [sigh] Looks like we have another edition--

News

Hello, everyone! This is Hairy, your anchor-dodging anchorthing, reporting. Obama released a speech after the verdict was returned from the Michael Brown Grand Jury in Ferguson. Why after? My -- uh, research consultant, Shelob, has a few answers. (Take it, Shelob!)

Alternate explanation 1: He forgot.
Alternate explanation 2: He was late.
Alternate explanation 3: He was misinformed as to events, scheduling, etc.
Alternate explanation 4: He was naive enough to think there would be no problems at all, that people would consistently react in the proper manner.
Alternate explanation 5: He was hopeful enough to think there would be no problems at all, that people would consistently react in the proper manner. Then he saw footage and made the spe--

Thank you, Shelob. And now the weather. [turns on voice scrambler, twists dial to pre-programmed setting marked 'bimbo' ]

It's no longer as cold today, back to YOU, Hairy!

[rapidly twists dial back] There. Now THAT'S how you report news. Just the facts, no repetition during broadcasting, explicitly say what is speculation and what isn't. AND DON'T TAKE SO FREAKIN' LONG OR REPORT IT WHEN IT'S MORE LIKELY TO CAUSE A RIOT THAN HELP PEOPLE MAKE INFORMED DECISIONS.

Personally, I hope Obama was late because of a combination of explanations 2-5, but hey--that's me being naive and hopeful too. I'm not going to go find out. [disconnect]