Horror In The Polls

[recorded segment begins] So, if I understand this correctly, the American democracy depends on something approaching a popular vote to select from the . . . um . . .

Candidates?

yeah, thank you--that didn't sound negative. The CANDIDATES that happen to be running to winnow the choices. Then, whoever gets rejected less from that smaller number is elected by something approaching a popular vote by the average voter . . .

Mathematically correct.

. . . of  average intelligence . . .

Also mathematically correct.

. . . to be the functional lead in some aspects of the country and the figurehead in others and help control the other branches of the government. Is that right, Shelob?

Current data sources confirms your summation.

I'm going to go watch a scary, suspenseful, nauseatingly gory horror movie.  No sense wasting this feeling. [slams and locks 'bunk' hatch, boots up auto-play of recording of 'It Had Only Two Legs!' produced REDACTED, eSLWEHR] [recorded segment ends]

The Abortion Arguments Stop Thriving Human Brains

[recorded segment begins] -beating heart. The reference is a slogan against abortion.

Yeah, I don't understand that. [readjusts plankton filter and sucks down several fluid ounces] What does that mean?

It declares unequivocally that abortion is murder, and, therefore, wrong.

[looks at plankton tank] You mean they're saying that every life is sacred, like Buddha.

Every human life.

Oh. . . well now, that ISN'T strictly true. [closes tank]

You speak of your hypothesis that the life of a poor leader is worth less than any life of any follower.

Exactly. So, they're letting their religious beliefs override their belief in America.

Please explain.

Separation of church and state. Fundamental belief of Americans.

Does this mean religion and American are mutually exclusive?

No. Several religious texts have references to obeying governmental law.

[.38 second access of internet] Correct. The Articles Of Faith in Mormonism explicitly declare that its followers should obey the laws of the land they live in. One reference in Bible to paying taxes declared right by Jesus. Are you saying the anti-abortionists are wrong?

No. What I'm saying is that they should focus on winning the real fight and forget the arguing.

The real fight?

If enough dedicated, truly adamant people do the right thing by adopting, co-parenting, teaching with love, preventing child abuse continuation, being TRULY supportive of every child--

. . . well, then, if they ever were to do a good enough job, then no child would ever really wish they WERE dead. Children aren't always in a world filled with love. That's where all this dedication belongs. Get it? [recorded segment ends]

The Real Reason For So Much Bad News

*EDIT: BELOW PLEASE FIND AN EXPLANATION OF WHY MOST NEWS STORIES ARE NOT 'UPLIFTING.'

[recording begins]

[laughter] An octopus escaped? They're intelligent? This is news? Anything big enough to have a brain with coordination and limbs to spare that can survive in THE OCEAN--yikes. You have any examples of surprising intelligence, Shelob?

[neuralink burst, .003 seconds]

[laughter] That's not a surprise either, but it's cool! I'm gonna share that with Herr D. Why don't you present that to our audience? [uplink to internet]

Hairy is entertained by article findable under search terms "human arrow." Human interest story containing rapid and intelligent response by young children that assisted in arrests of suspects fleeing scene of a crime. CNN, USA, other news sources report same story with little differentiation. [pause recording till Hairy 're-enters']

[laughter] I caught him. He already read that one, but he was good for a laugh. Shelob? Dump cache.

[memory extraction: web content]
Yeah, they must teach teamwork better in England. When my class bully managed to get me to fight him, and  I trashed him, my classmates showed the level of teamwork it took to ostracize me further. Apparently they would have preferred me to get beaten up like the rest of them and couldn't take my suggestion to protect each other. I think maybe  American kids would' ve flipped the police helicopters the bird in unison and  took blackmail pix of the  men running with their cell phones. Maybe demanded  a percentage of the take. 

He's such a curmudgeon sometimes! I wish news agencies would pay more attention to these stories.

Economic reasons prevent them.

What?

Various sources confirm business model: Bad news sells.

[gill snort] Good news sells just as well. Good news just costs more.

What is your source?

It's $%^&*(# obvious, Shelob!

Please explain.


. . .  Let's say that each story costs an average amount to produce?

Mathematical given.

Yeah, okay. So then a good story costs about that much. A bad story costs about that much. Then there's the follow-ups. Get me some statistics from a casual sample.

Rating stories subjectively for value 'uplifting?'

Uh . . . yeah. [fidget-twist]

Approximately 1.14 follow-up stories from 'good' stories. Approximately 7.88  follow-up stories from 'bad' stories. Your premise follows. Bad news costs less for production due to emotional response.

Yeah. No way to solve that problem.

There is.

 What?!

Teach people to talk pleasantly more than they complain.

[full five-eye roll] Yeah, why don't you concoct a plan for that, Shelob?

[recording ends] 

SWIMMING WITH THE JELLYFISHES

AGAINST MEDICAL ADVICE, HAIRY TEMPORARILY ADJOURNED SOUTHWARDS TO SWIM WITH THE VELELA VELELA.

HE HAS NOT RETURNED.

IF ANYONE DETECTS HIM, PLEASE REMIND HIM TO DETERMINE HIS TOXICITY RATING AND CONTACT SUITBOTS FOR IMMEDIATE PICK-UP.

--MEDBOT

Brain Freeze Wrong Idea, "Let It Gro-ooow, Let It Groo--oow, Let Your Brain Function-nn Mo-oore!"

[blog function accidentally activated during discussion]

-on that one.  What, you mean people really are surprised about that?

Recordings and transmissions do demonstrate shock and surprise.

Well, I didn't know specifically, but it's part of his modus operandi.

You are describing the Republican frontrunner using criminal psychology.

[translatable as nod] I hope that MOST people think what he's doing is wrong.

And yet his supporters remain adamant. You predicted this approximately a year ago. How did you reach this conclusion?

Simple understanding of humanity's bifurcation.

You are speaking of the execution method called 'drawing?'

NO! PSYCHOLOGICAL bifurcation.

The human brains' division into hemispheres.

NO.

Split personality?

NO! NO-OOO.  It's more like a-- [sudden stillness]
Like a--

You require an aphorism?

Oh, "Frozen." The king of rock. He said--

The king of the trolls?

Whatever! He said approximately that the "head can be easily fixed, but that the heart was a different matter."

Current medical theory seems to disagree.

It's a metaphor, Shelob. Imagine two robots for a moment. There's one that duplicates emotion and acts as the power source and major logic gate for the brain. Then there's one that controls many decisions and all fine motor stuff. The problem is that these two robots can't function without each other. They share a body.

 This is an understandable experience. [moves one of medbot's arms] You point out that they could conflict, or even ruin each others' progress.

Well, yeah. The key would be to learn to consider multiple perspectives, inputs, and various differing value systems simultaneously.

This sounds like a structural difference. Convolutions can be grown by human learning. You suggest changing things quantitatively as well as qualitatively.

Well, it obviously causes too many problems to do less than three. There's also an upper biological limit on how many 'bots' or brain-foci-neurological-function-clusters can be developed. Five just happens to be optimal for any brain partly based on carbon or silicon chemical structure.

Like your species tends to naturally.

Um, yeah.  [all five eyes blink rapidly for a moment]  Shelob, I'm tired. Turn the neuralink off--