The Real Reason For So Much Bad News

*EDIT: BELOW PLEASE FIND AN EXPLANATION OF WHY MOST NEWS STORIES ARE NOT 'UPLIFTING.'

[recording begins]

[laughter] An octopus escaped? They're intelligent? This is news? Anything big enough to have a brain with coordination and limbs to spare that can survive in THE OCEAN--yikes. You have any examples of surprising intelligence, Shelob?

[neuralink burst, .003 seconds]

[laughter] That's not a surprise either, but it's cool! I'm gonna share that with Herr D. Why don't you present that to our audience? [uplink to internet]

Hairy is entertained by article findable under search terms "human arrow." Human interest story containing rapid and intelligent response by young children that assisted in arrests of suspects fleeing scene of a crime. CNN, USA, other news sources report same story with little differentiation. [pause recording till Hairy 're-enters']

[laughter] I caught him. He already read that one, but he was good for a laugh. Shelob? Dump cache.

[memory extraction: web content]
Yeah, they must teach teamwork better in England. When my class bully managed to get me to fight him, and  I trashed him, my classmates showed the level of teamwork it took to ostracize me further. Apparently they would have preferred me to get beaten up like the rest of them and couldn't take my suggestion to protect each other. I think maybe  American kids would' ve flipped the police helicopters the bird in unison and  took blackmail pix of the  men running with their cell phones. Maybe demanded  a percentage of the take. 

He's such a curmudgeon sometimes! I wish news agencies would pay more attention to these stories.

Economic reasons prevent them.

What?

Various sources confirm business model: Bad news sells.

[gill snort] Good news sells just as well. Good news just costs more.

What is your source?

It's $%^&*(# obvious, Shelob!

Please explain.


. . .  Let's say that each story costs an average amount to produce?

Mathematical given.

Yeah, okay. So then a good story costs about that much. A bad story costs about that much. Then there's the follow-ups. Get me some statistics from a casual sample.

Rating stories subjectively for value 'uplifting?'

Uh . . . yeah. [fidget-twist]

Approximately 1.14 follow-up stories from 'good' stories. Approximately 7.88  follow-up stories from 'bad' stories. Your premise follows. Bad news costs less for production due to emotional response.

Yeah. No way to solve that problem.

There is.

 What?!

Teach people to talk pleasantly more than they complain.

[full five-eye roll] Yeah, why don't you concoct a plan for that, Shelob?

[recording ends]