Herr D Wrote A Joke . . .

 

"Pandit" by Herr D, heromachine.com. For the damage some of them do, perhaps he should file this picture under 'Monsters.' -Shelob

There were two pandas in the zoo. The older one was always content. The younger one was always complaining. One morning, the young one yawned awake and opened his mouth for his first complaint. Contrary to his usual nature, the older one interrupted him. “You haven’t done anything but gripe here. The bamboo isn’t your favorite species, the fence is too high, and the humans are ugly? It can’t be fun. Why don’t you find something you LIKE about this place and talk about THAT for a few minutes? You’re not going to CHANGE anything.”

The younger one said, “I’ll show YOU! I’ll get something changed! I’ll go on a HUNGER strike!”

“You? You won’t make it two days.” Scoffing, the elder panda turned away and ambled off. A bit later he looked back and noticed the younger sitting motionless in the shade right next to some shredded bamboo and the edge of the water. “Huh! I guess he’s serious. Oh, well.” He had a good day by himself.

Around lunchtime, the zookeepers noticed and spoke to each other. At nightfall they held a meeting. “He can’t go on like this—it’s bad for him.”

“Should we call the vet? Our budget is already in trouble.”

“I’ve got an idea.”

The youngest zookeeper stood up. “Animals are suggestible, right? Let’s move the trashcans into a loop from the front gate to the bus lot and back. We’ve got all those kids coming tomorrow morning. We push the snack cart vendors forward like they PREFER to be. Then we walk the kids around right past the panda enclosure eating their snacks. He’ll see them eating and feel hungry. And if THAT doesn’t work, we’re supposed to be getting more photo ops and postcard pictures anyway, right? So, let’s take one or two animals at a time out of each enclosure. We could do a lead-and-feed right past the pandas, too.”

The zookeepers were happy. They had a plan. They moved the trash cans and went home for the night. The next morning, the snack cart vendors and the kids were very happy with the new arrangement. The younger panda, however had moved not a muscle. The elder panda was so affected that he ate too much and passed out in the shade, snoring so loud he drowned out the giggling of the kids and that one bus backfiring as it left.

The elder panda woke with a start in the late afternoon to hear voracious chewing. He looked up to the younger panda downing practically an entire tree at once. “I knew you wouldn’t last two days!”

The younger panda swallowed noisily and yelled, “Why didn’t you tell me it was so dangerous to not eat?”

“How on Earth would I know? I’VE never not eaten.”

“You’re supposed to be this wise old panda! You never even told me about the sick pandas here.”

The elder panda shook his head. “We’re the only pandas HERE, and WE’RE not sick. What are you talking about?”

The younger panda rolled his eyes. “You were asleep. They walked them right past here, trying to get them to eat. If pandas don’t eat, they get really sickly-looking and SHRINK. It’s a disease called ‘raccoon.’ . . . Are you eating that tree?”