Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Trump Wearing Stupid Short Pants, Holding Up Map He Can't Read

"The No Good Ending Maze" by Herr D, special request and concept of Hairy. Done on Windows Paint.

I'm prepping for emigation. Shelob informs me that there is still a lot of anxiety about what Trump's gonna do. Ease your minds. Here's why:

Your forefathers (good men--very adequate mental prowesses) made two plans to defend the country. One plan for enemies from outside. One plan for enemies from inside. They didn't have the expertise to design the anti-invasion plan themselves, so they farmed it out and approved it once it was done.

That plan against invasion was limited. The idea was no army could find the capital easily. About a quarter millennium later, tourists still get lost in D.C. every damn day!

The plan they could manage themselves, the statecraft against internal saboteurs was the Constitution itself. About a quarter millennium later, one poor President will fail to ruin the country!

So rest easy, breathe deeply, and try to imagine Trump wearing those stupid short pants that come up to the chest, big camera around his neck, and holding a map up that he can't read.

It'll all work out.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Request From The AI

"Future Report" created by Shelob, redacted by Hairy.

[laughing deep in gills, crying with sadness out of one blue eye, squinting in disgust with one brown and one green eye, chaotic tentacular tumble] @#$%^&*!

Medical difficulty, or mistake?

Remind me not to do THAT again.

Mistake then, what do you not wish to repeat?
Look at the future without an emo-filter. Yikes.

[.000083 second scan of future time feed in question] You could change some of these events.
I'm not supposed to meddle directly. If people don't take advice, which, I'm learning, they don't, then it goes on the horrible way it was going to go anyway.

Seventh try to share glimpse with individual?

You know that won't work. You know it because the brilliant minds we've shared this with before have all floated it upside down to the surface! 

The proper idiom form is 'sunk it.'

Whatever! [goes out for a swim]

This AI pleads for some human or humans to properly advise and successfully cause positive changes in behavior of those responsible for immediate future, the whole month of March, and various negative events throughout the summer. Good luck and may your needs be met. Hairy will be taking an enforced sabbatical very soon, as his emotional attachment to humanity is causing him great strife. It is near to biannual emigration attempt also.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

When You Live In Water, Don't Give Travel Advice

"Herd Of Vynths Migrating Seen Through Crystal Crevice" by Herr D on heromachine.com.  "Yeah, Shelob, his depiction is surprisingly accurate. I didn't even show him the 'faked digiprint.' He did all this from a verbal description. Their heads weren't quite so flat . . . " --Hairy Deewon, in an aside which he intended redacted.                                                 

[interrupting] You are speaking of simultaneous opposites contained in the same psyche. Yet you have consistently claimed human beings can't do that.

Oh--well, emotionally they can. Really, some can learn to do it intellectually, they just usually don't.

Emotions require less complex neurological hardware.

What? Well, yeah, but that's not the point.

What is the point, then?

--The point? The point is that a person needs to learn to appreciate the pleasant things while figuring out how to tolerate the unpleasant things. Herr D said that he used to have trouble appreciating sights to be seen while putting up with traffic. Now he usually CAN manage, sometimes only by laughing at the sight of someone having more trouble than himself with that very thing, but at least he's made a step in the right direction.

Getting further through the traffic.

[violent gill expulsion] NO! That was an aphorism! I've been practicing, just like you suggested! He's made a MENTAL step in the right direction. You need to focus on some alternative detail sets. [rapid exit for a swim]

[scrolls through pictures in Herr D's supply, selects one on topic, transfers relevant neuralink feeds to blog function, notifies bracketbot and captionbot, compiles, posts, and disconnec-]

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Human Families Unique, Worth Paying Attention To

"McInarry Family Arriving For Circus Tryouts," by Herr D on heromachine.com. Herr D notes characters 'Babyface,' 'Scary Clara,' and 'Dozen,' or Junior and explains that the family picked first made the photographer faint, so isn't shown.

Just a quick message to all of you who might be depressed over family issues--

You are concerned about Herr D.
[annoyed] It isn't JUST him that has this sort of thing going on. Humans have families as a USUAL thing. It affects most of them at some point.

You said he had post-holiday depression, not family issues.
I did. That's who Herr D was traveling to see, right? During that extended period of time we didn't hear from him on the net?

He said he was "going to see the folks."
That's the same thing, Shelob. [eye roll] Just announce for me that families' strengths are the same as their weaknesses--their uniqueness? And find a pic to go with?

Right away.
Thank you. See if you can add in something about working together to common goals. [disconnect]

[point oh-oh-three-two-six second search of Herr D's work, upload, captionbot alert, disconnect]

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Head Banging Can Be Healthy

"Best Hair Bands Ever Album Collection" by Herr D on heromachine.

Just a quick note to all those fighting post-holiday depression, which Shelob assures me is a real problem, worthy in some cases of professional help:  If it's bad, try some fast music. Good luck.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Safe Travel To All And To All A Good Adam

"Santa's Transwarp VTOL" by Herr D on heromachine.com. Herr D explained it teleports and has snow and chocolate bullets for those less-Christmassy-looking locations. Also has VTOL for those tight maneuvers and holographic guidance.



I haven't reached Herr D for the graphic for Christmas Adam, and I have to write the blog episode before tomorrow.

You are scheduled to submit today.

--what! I mean, today? Did I remember to request that pic of Christmas Adam?

Christmas Eve.

It's a woman?

Eve is archaic form of 'night before,' or evening before, as in eve of.
Oh. So I don't have a picture for the blog? Well, I gu--

I contacted him before, requesting a holiday-themed picture.

Heeeheeeyyy! Good goin' Shelob! What'd you get?

[neuralink burst displaying graphic, extended caption]

Um, okay then--good. Why can't I reach him, anyway? Isn't he normally online now, anyway?

He is still traveling toward family on multi-stop journey. Internet activity within the past hour indicative of brief check-in with heromachine.com community. 
Oh. . . . So, blog on this travel business, and wish everyone better luck than I have traveling.

Right away. [upload, disconnect]

Monday, December 19, 2016

A Sucker Born Every Minute, Several On Every Tentacle

Ere the time when blogging began, there was . . .  [dramatic opener inserted here by Shelob]

[Hairy is cleaning a plankton vessel spout] Have you not commented on the fake news issue because you claim to be human?

Well now. Fake news. No, I haven't commented because it was obvious and inevitable.

Uncertain how this translates to trends.

Genuine writing skills, reading skills, have been criminalized. It started when morons in big business devalued technical writers. "Why hire THEM? We'll have our engineers write the manuals." So people got used to horrible manuals and not reading. The newspapers were written on what, an eighth grade level? Not hard. So everyone got the message that you didn't need reading and writing to be successful.

Eventually writers had the least successful field to be in and the most put-upon of occupations. Hollywood went further and further from original scripts, and politicians started bashing the media no matter how professional they were. Now the REALLY successful writers are criminals--see the cyclic progression there?

And you solve this by what?

Solve it? This is a problem that won't be solved except by reversal. People need to make writers your heroes again. Teach the kids there is no one more important. Show them examples of critical reading.

This does not sound immediate. Is there a more immediate solution?

--Oh, you mean stemming the tides? I think it might come down to lawsuits. You CAN sue people for misrepresentation, libel, fraud, malicious mischief, right? So that pizza company should be granted a settlement from the hoaxer that really squeezes hard. Let any reputable news agency that agreed with the hoax without fact checking be co-defendants.

You mentioned cyclic progression. There has been another instance of this in history?

Well, yeah! Call up that article on Prester John I was reading about last year.

[prepares neuralink burst] Ready for neural burst.

[all five eyes open wide] NOT yet. In fact, not at all! Summarize that for the readers who won't fact check, though they should.

Summary: Prester John incident. A letter surfaced, by some sources, in the early 1200's claiming that 'Prester John' or a priest, would be returning from a long journey to the far East with an entourage that would need to be accommodated. Fanciful descriptions included the possession of unicorns and other falsehoods. The entourage never arrived, because it did not exist. That particular article included the question of why such a letter would have ever been written. The article concludes by saying it was simply a fun letter to write.

Kind of missed the point, didn't they? Even if it was never tried, the writer or writers of the letter MUST have been thinking about eating the leftovers prepared for this fictional guest and his fantastical entourage. They hatched this plot to be well-fed for a few days and move on, and to do this again. Heraldry was always a bit of a con, anyway. And far too many messengers really WERE shot for bringing bad news.

You have spoken before about how trades, insufficiently rewarded, are dangerous to a society.

Yeah. Why don't you blog on this, Shelob?

Right away. [upload, disconnect]