Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Little Darling Terrorists

Foreign policy has a new wrinkle. HEY! HAMAS & ISIS FOLLOWERS! I have some advice. It's complicated, so pay attention.

[Is this wise? Probably not, Shelob, but it is something potentially constructive and ambassadorial, so we're going with it . . .]

1. You obviously want to succeed.
2. You are working DIRECTLY at odds with each other. See explanation below.
3. "No war may be won on two fronts." Old maxim, backed by every reliable source.

THEREFORE. Until you work out your differences, you are doomed to failure. You worship the same deity, right?! If you really believe you're right, Hamas, Isis, and al-Qaeda should fight it out first. Winner gets to attempt jihad, genocide, holy war against the whole world. The world is ONLY big enough for one of you, right? We 'infidels' can wait for the last terrorist organization standing. We don't mind waiting at all. Now for a bit of music I picked out especially for you, and then your explanation.

Shelob! You're on harmony!
SHELOB! Three PART harmony, not three COLOR harmony! Sorry.
 . . . and back to your explanation. Hamas is working steadily on making sure that everyone in the world hates them, is ashamed of them, and might be a lot further from Allah because of them. Isis is trying to force more people to join Islam in their own special way. So, I'd like you to forget for a moment that Isis is building its opposition's fifth column, and Hamas is painting targets on their own chests. (Herr D said putting on dunce caps, but I think ambassadors can wear turbans.) What I'd like you to think about is that you guys are already fighting each other. Before any of you could ever really win, you'd have to exterminate or convert each other. LOTS OF LUCK TO YA! LET US KNOW WHEN YOU'RE DONE!

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