Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Editorial Bias Tape: Directional Reliance, False Exclusion, And Fear

Hairy's presence has been detected at various intervals between here and various undesirable destinations. Contact has not resumed during strobing, as current equipment has not activated in sufficient time. As regular intervals are desirable to public interaction, one 'week' has passed as an appropriate maximum for blogging.

Today's topic will be bias, drawn from Hairy's memory bank backup, currently stored upon ancient medium.

Obviously, fishermen have their own opinions of what is possible or impossible, based upon their individual backgrounds. That statement can be demonstrated by the following quotations of fishermen seeing Hairy for the first time.

Q1: What-the-#$%&-is-that?
Q2: Don't eat me!
Q4: No, Bart--I've had enough beer for now.
Q5: !@#$%^&*()_!@#$%^&*()
Q6: Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!
Q7: It can't be . . .

Quotations #1 and #3 were perfectly logical questions. Quotations #4 and #7 clearly state the fallacy that anything outside that person's experience cannot be real. Quotations #2, #5, and #6 all express unfounded but reasonable emotions for someone facing a new experience. Fear at being introduced to someone new is well-founded and has been noted in many human psychology texts.

The three categories demonstrated are: logical, fallacious, and purely emotional. Many of the non-quoted include nonverbal expressions of emotion, and quantifiably exceed the rest. Between the two groupings of logical responses, one grouping promotes self-dialogue in a manner that suggests society as a good source of knowledge. The other grouping promotes anthropomorphization, which, though useful and relatively correct, implies that oneself is the best source of information in the lack of sentient company.

These two beliefs are different views of the world, or biases, based on levels of self-reliance and the individual's past success at eliciting assistance.

All these interactions have been 'forgotten,' so as to promote no harm. [disconnect]

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

ISIL Should Be Put In Chemical Coma, Other Conclusions

1. Hairy has been missing five planetary rotations.
2. Instructions include blog resumption in limited quantity.
3. Herr D has left messages for Hairy. Responses overdue.
4. Blog topics not preselected.

Conclusion: Responding for Hairy will be blog topic for today.

Reordered summation of Herr D communications as follows:

"Hairy may take over Facebook page temporarily for purposes of advertising blog.  Herr D has had unfortunate developments in his life. Herr D wants to know Hairy's response to Mars activity. Herr D wondering about conspiracy theorists who believe government hides aliens and religious people claiming that aliens cannot exist as they are not mentioned in the Bible. Herr D is interested in Hairy's opinion about fighting ISIL."

Hairy has expressed unwillingness to advertise, calling his small audience 'the deserving.' The implication appears to be elitist.

Based upon former interactions, Hairy would say to Herr D: "Bad luck, dude. Wish I could help."

Hairy has never expressed any interest in Mars except to say that the sand "irritated [his] hide, so [he] wouldn't stay on that freeze-dried sandball for all the juiciest plankton and krill on Earth!"

Hairy's comments on most conspiracy theorists is that "they give people credit for too much intelligence, including themselves." Hairy has repeatedly expressed the idea that governments need too much help and advice, so aren't worth [aliens] visiting and should be tolerated only when necessary to rein in people unevolved enough to be criminals.

Shelob's opinion of "inclusive theory" of the Bible: Writer's cramp prevented the inclusion of everything. "The beasts" apparently includes the platypus, among thousands of other species, for example. As for aliens, God might've started to tell a prophet about them and spake thus: "Naaaah. None of their business. The Earth is too much for them to handle gracefully."

Hairy has not directly stated what should be done to ISIL. Projections of most effective threats lead to the following conclusion: America should threaten to abduct all ISIL members and individually place them in mechanically maintained chemical comas. This way they could not reach heaven through martyrdom and could do no more harm.

Brackets are pronoun substitutions for correct context provided by Shelob. [disconnect]

Friday, February 13, 2015

Strobe Problem Continues As Universe Origins Remain Obscure To All But Hairy



I feel strange. Status check.

Nutrient collection complete. Bio-scan from medbot confirms time-strobe activity, otherwise healthy. Lair is clean. No predators or MIBs in vicinity or approaching. Nearest relevant communications on fishing boat mentioned earlier.

Check on Herr D?

[sixteen seconds pass] Herr D has started a Facebook page to attempt to send comments to your blog. He used his own identity, against your advice.

[five eyes dilate] He's already lost one computer. He doesn't even like Facebook. Why would he do that?

He reposted your cosmological statement on the link you provided.

What statement?

[half-second neuralink burst]

That does sound like me . . . huh. Well, I'm glad he liked it, but he doesn't know how to advertise on Facebook.

It does not appear so. Do you wish to help him?

Are you kidding? I want his computer safe. I couldn't help him fix his last one. I--

Hairy? [camera activation] Hairy? Medbot, Hairy has strobed away. Please go to on-call status and advise me of his return. Blog function is on. [disconnect]

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Strobing Problem

So, Shelob, what am I doing wrong?

Repeat steps.

Configure system.

Calculate percentages of extrapolated nutrients.

Interpolate least ecological impact and most efficient nutrient fulfillment.

Extrapolate collection points.

Set system and prime it.

System review lists those steps done in near reverse order.

Reverse? That doesn't make any sense.

Checking lair for other factors. [sixteen seconds pass] Magnetic flux, time displacement present. You are strobing.

Uchh. Shelob? Make my excuses? Post why I'm not blogging today?

Right away. [disconnect]

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Single Cosmological Theory Too Simple--When Is Life EVER That Simple?

[large amount of bubbles fanning out, small alarm from medbot]

Your autonomic systems seem disrupted.

Whoa, there--stand down. [multi-tentacle signal] I'm fine. I was just amazed at how PRIMITIVE this notion is about cosmology. It's on Facebook? Don't they check for oversimplification when they post research articles? I'm not sure whether that was laughter or regurgitation.

Perhaps this is next blog topic? Record and present?

Oh yeah! This IS worth checking out, even if only for a laugh. Or a pick-me-up for any of those out there with a vomit fetish. Not judging--just saying I think it might work.

Actually, what's really fascinating about this is that people are willing to assume that EITHER steady-state or big-bang is true, to the exception of the other. Really, guys--not both?  If you believe that the current state has a beginning, you believe that time 'started.' What with the beginning of light describing the essence of time and all? Then there's the business of expansion. This word implies something outside, not included.

So the fact is that everything outside the effects of the big bang, or inside, where we're talking fundamentals that the big bang wouldn't have affected, were in a steady state before the big bang . . . so . . . both. Why isn't that obvious?
Also, I gotta say--why all the immature arguing in comments about religion? Any supreme being would be allowed to keep some trade secrets, be inscrutable, and stay separate and undetectable by science if that was the plan. That doesn't mean don't learn science--it's useful. That doesn't mean don't have faith. Science is cold, unloving, and can mess up a good solid feeling of joy, if allowed to. AGAIN--both is the best plan. [disconnect]

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Cold Hootie From Bell

[muffled clicking, whirring, various lights begin blinking]

Lair Protocol Restart hlfgobf673iujjbfjektt4jkkn3333 Wipe Errors Re-encode Test Audio:

--Aye ony wanna bewi'yu--ooooooo [music sputters out]

Temperature verified, winter. Matches data from apparent current internet sampling allowing for tides, craft, pollutants, and fish population changes.

[all eleven tentacles stretching during materialization inside fetch-pod] What was that sound, Shelob?

Your instructions.

My instructions? [eyes new assemblage in middle of lair] What instructions? What is THIS thing, and why is it under a bell? Where did you even GET a bell?

Bell found in wreckage off coast of Bermuda. Altered device under bell by your instruction. Device is imperfectly water-proofed CD player found in shallow place north of touristy part of Virginia Beach. CD is only Hootie And The Blowfish song available among debris.

I don't recognize these instructions.

You said there "was to be a cold Hootie from bell."

[exasperated gill flap] I was shaking from the cold of re-entry, Shelob. That's not what I meant to say.


Wednesday, February 4, 2015

I'm Sailing Away . . .

[wapWAPwapWAP--alarm sound, eleven tentacles stick straight out, catapulting Hairy away from lair wall, where he'd been sleeping] HEY, WHAT!? SHELOB!


I don't remember that alarm! What does that mean?

Approaching opposite point in solar orbit from Perseid occurrence.

[five eyes dilate] You mean--?

Time to go.

I should blog a tentative farewell, shouldn't I? This time it might actually work.

What do you wish to say?

Uh . . . I hope I've helped. I hope you all enjoyed. I hope that if I don't get gone, I re-enter smoothly in less than a week. Shelob? The viewer doesn't show anything about Herr D having a tragedy this week, right?

Inconclusive as always. Too many permutations.

[gill division, rapid shallow intake, translatable as a snarl] I shoulda built one of those magic eight ball thingies!

I should thank Herr D too. He has been a big help understanding the natives, making graphics, and lending a hand here and there in other ways. Can you manage that communique for me, Shelob? I gotta pack. [seizes various small orbs from a cabinet and a laminated Playboy magazine centerfold, begins stuffing them into marsupial-like pouch]

Yes. People please do not expect Hairy for approximately six days. An astronomical confluence and certain logistical anomalies concerning a current long term goal will have his full attention. Thank you for your attention. Herr D, thank you for your assistance with graphics, occasional words, and the one time with building materials. [disconnect]

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Hate ISIL? Blame Market Researchers

Finally I'm over my hypothermic reaction from staying too near the surface outside too much. So I'm thinking much more clearly. SHELOB!


What was that marketing history summation you researched for me again?

You recorded this: "Around 1900, people began counting what people bought very studiously. Around 1950, companies started trying to figure out what people wanted to buy before manufacturing. By 1960, vendors and stores were attempting to boost sales by placement of items, packaging tactics, better copywriting, etc. By 1980, target marketing was  well underway. Memberships for discounts and exclusivity became common.

The goals of marketing were always: 1. Get people to buy things they would not have bought otherwise. 2. Get people to buy more of an item than they would have otherwise. 3. Get people to start talking to other people about buying what they would not have otherwise. 4 Build curiosity and memorability about brands."

Yeah. So, marketers and market researchers have been figuring out how to convince people, to manipulate people, to get their money, etc.

This is what ISIL has done. They've got financial backers, they've got people joining a cause they know nothing about, they've got people doing what they want . . .


Gee. Use all those researchers to determine how to run businesses better? How to improve the products? How to make the products cheaper without sacrificing quality? How to elevate people in this country? How to improve the lives of everyone in the world?

--And the other side! Teach people never to believe marketers? Teach people to resist indoctrination by people who don't have their best interests at heart? Teach people to judge others more accurately or not at all? Teach people how to notice when people near them are being badly influenced?


What product or service or organization besides ISIL deserves their marketing staff pulled?