ISIL Should Be Put In Chemical Coma, Other Conclusions

1. Hairy has been missing five planetary rotations.
2. Instructions include blog resumption in limited quantity.
3. Herr D has left messages for Hairy. Responses overdue.
4. Blog topics not preselected.

Conclusion: Responding for Hairy will be blog topic for today.

Reordered summation of Herr D communications as follows:

"Hairy may take over Facebook page temporarily for purposes of advertising blog.  Herr D has had unfortunate developments in his life. Herr D wants to know Hairy's response to Mars activity. Herr D wondering about conspiracy theorists who believe government hides aliens and religious people claiming that aliens cannot exist as they are not mentioned in the Bible. Herr D is interested in Hairy's opinion about fighting ISIL."

Hairy has expressed unwillingness to advertise, calling his small audience 'the deserving.' The implication appears to be elitist.

Based upon former interactions, Hairy would say to Herr D: "Bad luck, dude. Wish I could help."

Hairy has never expressed any interest in Mars except to say that the sand "irritated [his] hide, so [he] wouldn't stay on that freeze-dried sandball for all the juiciest plankton and krill on Earth!"

Hairy's comments on most conspiracy theorists is that "they give people credit for too much intelligence, including themselves." Hairy has repeatedly expressed the idea that governments need too much help and advice, so aren't worth [aliens] visiting and should be tolerated only when necessary to rein in people unevolved enough to be criminals.

Shelob's opinion of "inclusive theory" of the Bible: Writer's cramp prevented the inclusion of everything. "The beasts" apparently includes the platypus, among thousands of other species, for example. As for aliens, God might've started to tell a prophet about them and spake thus: "Naaaah. None of their business. The Earth is too much for them to handle gracefully."

Hairy has not directly stated what should be done to ISIL. Projections of most effective threats lead to the following conclusion: America should threaten to abduct all ISIL members and individually place them in mechanically maintained chemical comas. This way they could not reach heaven through martyrdom and could do no more harm.

Brackets are pronoun substitutions for correct context provided by Shelob. [disconnect]