Every Third Pixel Of Internet Porn On Fire, Burned-Up Funny Cat Photos 98% Off While Supplies Last

[recorded segment begins]--So why AREN'T more people reading the blog?

Current data collected lends hypothesis.

What's that?

Blog is unpopular.

That's a bit circular, Shelob. You'd better correct that.

[point oh two oh six seconds pass during deliberation] Merchants claim that search engines are insufficient to find content. Suggest their services for retitling in ways that draw attention.

[hide rumples, approximately translates to mild and surprised annoyance] Not enough processing power in their AI's? Good grief. Our content is MUCH more important than some content. Shelob? Take a random sample and categorize it for me.

[sixteen seconds pass] Presentation manner?

Round to nearest percent and give me a list in order of activity category completion.
 
Communication, Business: 8%
Communication, Personal Of Apparent Significance: 11%
Communication And Viewing Non-Porn, Personal Of No Apparent Significance: 23%
Porn: 41%
Game playing: 17%

Hey. What happened?! Viewing with significance isn't even on there and porn dropped a good ten percent!

You reclassified viewing of "Those goofy cat pictures and non-pornographic funny junk."

Even so! We should be getting some of the forty percent of what people are doing that isn't really as important. We're doing MUCH more significant stuff than 'wasUP #$%^&*s?' and 'this boogey tasted better the first time.'

Correct.

I'm--just too disgusted to write objectively. Shelob? Put together something for the blog and title it in a way NO ONE should be stupid enough to ignore.

Acknowledged.

[disconnects, starts feeding, porn search, and watching a rerun of 'Sanford And Son' while listening to Chicago local news. Mutters "That looked funnier," not noticing the sound and visual don't match up. Dozes off.]
[notes new health status, stops recording]