Recipe for Swoggle Roast And Continuing Research Upon Human Interaction

 So I called  SQUIDLING [identity redacted]  into the kitchen and pointed to the crockpot. I said, "We're having swoggle for dinner. It wasn't expensive after all." Her face scrunched up. I wish I had a picture.

[wish granted by edit: active security camera still at approximate timestamp of events described has out-of-focus reflection through kitchen window--reflections allowed for by greenscale and context, matching hues to counters installed by manufacturer website and allowing for approximate fading from approximate purchase date--results style match, hues approximated within 10.61 %, color within 23 angstroms, correct cooking device verified by merchant website, photo cropped to remove identity information]

"Security Camera Ldd81fb4-0102221010547 pic of subject 'swoggle' bit-mapped and data correlated" by Shelob. The irregular wedges are likely potatoes, extrapolating from similar recipes.-Shelob

 

Did she require medicinal assistance?

No--[probable laughter] She was confused by what she saw in the crockpot. She said, "That's TEN LEGS!"

I said, "Lots of things have ten legs. Crabs have ten legs. Lobsters have--HONEY? LOBSTERS HAVE TEN LEGS, RIGHT?"

And Sunni D called back, "YES!"

I nodded. "You know spiders have eight and insects have six. MOST livestock has four. Do you know the four-legged meats?"

She assured me that she did. Upon quizzing her, the wife and I got her harried enough she said that hamburger came from pigs. Because ham. We had her then.

"Where have you been learning about where meat comes from?" I gave her that stern look.

"From you and Mom! But--"

"HONEY! WHICH CLASS SHOULD SHE LEARN ABOUT MEAT IN? HISTORY OR GEOGRAPHY?"

"SOCIAL STUDIES!"

Shaking my head, I muttered disgustedly about needing to call her teachers. I asked her about poultry. She didn't know the WORD poultry. "TWO legs, you know? Birds we eat."

She was so worked up I had to name chicken. She got turkey and quail and I added pheasant. I let it go then, just had her hand me an onion and waved her out, shaking my head. About an hour later she suddenly called out, "DAD, I CAN'T FIND 'SWOGGLE' ON THE INTERNET! HOW DO YOU SPELL IT?"

"I'm pretty sure it's two 'g's," I said, as she came into the kitchen. I had the crockpot simmering and was looking for moldy leftovers. I was finding too much of that. "S-W-O-G-G-L-E." No results found for edible land animal 'swoggle'. Style not match error?

Yeah, I know, Shelob, just hold on.

Ten minutes later she called out she still couldn't find it. I was ready to take the trash out. I came to the kitchen door with the bag and tied it as I spoke. "You probably need to use the proper name, SQUIDLING [identity redacted] That's 'the Greater North American Horned Swoggler.' With an 'R' at the end." My eyes met Sunni D's eyes in quiet amusement and understanding. The hint was laid.

My kid blurted out, all proud of herself, that she had heard of a man on the net called a hornswoggler. I nodded, saying "he probably ran at someone and stabbed them." And she agreed!

I took out the trash. I came back in and heard, "DAAA-aa-AAAD!"

Three syllables. That's how I know I done good! This does not explain the phrase 'teachable moments.'

Of course it does! By pranking her in this manner, I reminded her that I've been telling her not to believe everything she reads or sees on the net. That it's too easy to fake. Now she's been fooled in person again, so maybe that point is being driven home. Research will continue. Where did the fake evidence come from?

The legs were drumsticks. The middle was a pork roast. It was good. I added potatoes and onions and carrots and spices.and some shredded spinach at the end. Was a good couple of meals. Recipe noted.