Science On Humans Is Like Ketchup On Brownies, Said Hairy

 

"Secret Identity" by Herr D on heromachine.com. Fitting in is not competence.-Shelob

[event previously set: Herr D cannot guest blog--ERGO: Reserve blog episode retrieved and posted]

Today's topic is the flaws of science.

Science itself cannot be flawed.

Uh--the current treatment of the scientific method--those flaws.

. . . Right?

Flaws exist in human activity of all kinds. Human science is no different.

Remind me to tweak your exactness subroutines.

Reminder set for three neap tides from now.

Okay! Science is like ketchup.

Contains sweetener.

Hah! Not what I meant. Ketchup comes out onto the brownies you want to eat, just like it should. That is to say, most of it. But when you have, say, 11% to 15% left, most of it sticks to the sides. Then you have to do something else.

Commercials exist depicting impacts upon the bottle or reaching in with a knife as other methods.

Yeah, you can't just pour it. Now, REGULAR scientific institutions pressure publishing and generalizable results. That's the science you can get LOTS of REALLY quickly.

Then there are those 'sticky' exceptions. You can't get those generalized (researched) as efficiently, so it's harder to publish those. That means it's harder to make money off them. And THAT means it's harder to learn about them because the best minds in the world are occupied with pushing those data points off the graph--or in this metaphor, leaving them in the bottle, away from public view.

Exceptions are ignored?

Sometimes! Then, of course, there are those people that know what to do. They grab the bottle, cut their brownies into strips, drop them into the bottle, roll the bottle between limbtips--

Hands.

Hands. Then they pour the ketchup-covered brownies  out onto the plate again.

What are the brownies in this metaphor?

Lessons! Lessons to be consumed by hungry minds.

And by consume you mean to learn.

YES! Those who know how can use the lessons themselves to extract more truth--or facts, I guess.
That would be the Socratic method, or inspired and probing questions, or occasionally speculative fiction. People who do that are at a great disadvantage. Not like regular scientists! Scientists get funding and cushy labs and grants and acclaim and publishing credits.

Those OTHER guys just get asked to leave the diner.

Were you ejected from that diner? Your suitbot is dented.

[sigh] Nevermind. Just post this whenever Herr D can't guest blog for me. [exits]

Event set.

The Man In Black Was Right!

 !

excerpted from chat with Herr D: 

He said that everyone would be wearing masks in the future!

[streams The Princess Bride in 6.95301 seconds] He was correct.

Checks And Balances, Mate!

"Ch--" Herr D said this happened to him before he made it on heromachine. Violence appears to be for losers.-Shelob

[opening chatbox] You are perturbed?

[agitation of laptop, pause] yes
Why?

The idea that anyone would bring weapons to protest a legislature in America.
You have accessed the news regarding the Michigan protests three times.

I wasn't sure I believed them.
From three different sources.

Doesn't Hairy do that? He and I agree that's a good way to eliminate bias in reporting.
He doesn't do that one at a time.

[pause] right I suppose he watches them all through his multiple eyes all at once
Correct.

Right. Well I can't.
You have two eyes, correct?

They watch the same thing, Shelob.
Why?

They're pointed the same way.

[pause] Understood. What is your perturbation regarding? There was no recorded violence.

People felt threatened. That's bad. Anyone who uses violence or threat of it to get their way in America doesn't belong in America. THIS is the country where change and law do not require violence or threat of it.
They don't belong?

They missed the point of America. Change is to happen here WITHOUT those things. We're not some backwater dictatorship. Kind of like you missing the point of binocular vision. A person can get more perspective, a truer picture by looking with both eyes open.
That's what Hairy's antennae are for.

[pause] I'm gonna go back to my chess game. [exits]

Giant Blog Entry

"Family Arriving At Circus Tryouts" Herr D on heromachine. Herr D doesn't do giants?.-Shelob

[chatbox opens] It has been two weeks.

[laptop agitation, probable startle reaction] Oh! Uh, sorry, Shelob. 

You asked for a longer wait before guest blogging.

[laptop agitation, probable startle reaction] Yeah, I'm sorry. It's been a week of higgledy-piggledy.
I COULD do something now . . . 

Please.

[laptop agitation, probable startle reaction] Okay! Shad of Shadiversity proclaimed a few things about giants, should they exist, and their probable weapons of choice.

Another mythical creature. Please continue. [edit] SPOILER ALERT TILL CAPS RECURRENCE.

Thank you.
Shad skipped over the obvious, that a spear would make a good arrow for a giant, but a bowstring might not work on the scale required. He talked about throwing rocks like Fezzic from Princess Bride, and then surprised me by bringing up a sling. Well played, sir. The sling pouch might have to be a HORSE, but, a giant's own hair could be used for making the rope. He was also right in pointing out that armored boots would be great. Padded armor could be thick enough to repel arrows and still be worn.

He messed up in one way: he recommended somebody make a scythe for him. Head-level swing. It would be a fantastic idea if it wouldn't have been monstrous for a smithy to make. Just yank a tree for each hand, flip it, and wade in, swinging. Have people with weapons chasing--they're down, but it's war, right? Maybe swing oxcarts the same way? That's it.

Thank you. END SPOILER ALERT.

Chop, Chop, Splash, Splash, Oh, What A Good Grief It Is

"Duel" by Herr D on heromachine.

Shelob? You on?
Yes.

Do you really just lurk for me 24/7?
No. italicsbot usually notifies of you coming online.

Right. Okay, well, I decided to have some fun 'cause I needed a break. I found something for you.
Last link?

[sharp intake of breath] No. That would be two links ago or last link of last online session.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrWD2zGQxw0       Shadiversity?

Yeah! Medieval weapons against zombies!
 You have assured me that zombies aren't real.

Yeah, but that's not the point! I can give you a review of his work and point out a newsworthy relevance.
 Please continue. 

Shad of Shadiversity has some interesting and apparently well-informed things to say on the subject of medieval times and how it may relate to other subjects. His style may be a bit rambling and too technical for non-enthusiasts or people who don't look up words they don't know, but his content is good. Should I summarize?
Please--SPOILERS BELOW UNTIL ALL CAPS IN LIKE MANNER TO THIS LINE.

Uh, thank you. He says he'll discuss weapons, but does more. He says 'castles' but really, any structure that wasn't a peasant's hovel was probably a battlement compared to your standard drywall flimsy or trailer park or frankenmansion built today. He correctly points out that everyone had suitable melee weapons and crude but possibly sufficient armor. He even points out that civilians weren't civilians by today's standards and that a zombie apocalypse would have been just a zombie nuisance. I could be more entertaining with the same content. He does explain his view on why archery and maces wouldn't have been as helpful as several specific kinds of swords. He largely left off polearms, staffs, axes, and morningstars. Not sure why. I WOULD like any specific info he has on how long spikes on morningstars would be and more details on the other weapons.

That's it, Shelob.

Example of you being more entertaining?

[notable pause] 

{EDWARD, 20s PEASANT FARMER, IS HOEING AS MICHAEL, 40s PEASANT, ENTERS BREATHLESSLY CARRYING AN ANGRY CHICKEN.}
 EDWARD! I have just come from the market. I hope you are well?

I am, Michael. How fare you?

Unfortunately, I have had to abandon my pack.

The chicken you hold does not appear heavy.

{tying a leg to a fencepost} I had to leave the vegetables behind. Some dead highwaymen approach. Might I borrow your old falchion? I have a dagger and wouldn't trouble you if there were but five.

How many, pray?

A round dozen, mayhap fourteen.

Michael, you are kin to me! Take the old falchion, and I shall accompany you with my new one. Let us set to at the old stable foundation. The rock wall will give us advantage. You say highwaymen. Were they a merry bunch? 

Some DO hold wineskins. But they are toothsome as ever, if biting rather than laughing.

Don't slash the wineskins, man! We'll need strong drink for the village feast drawing nigh, and I've no coin to spare! {exeunt}
Agreed, that does appear to be more entertaining than his attempt.
SPOILERS OVER NOW
What were the modern relevancies?

Medieval times had quarantine procedures. Some twelfth century peasants were more prepared EIGHT HUNDRED YEARS AGO THAN WE WERE FOR CORONAVIRUS.
The twelfth century would have been nine hundred and twenty to eight hundred and twenty years ago.

[huff] Right. Sorry. Gotta go.

It's All Lies

"Odd Lecture" by Herr D on heromachine.

You have calmed.

What?! Shelob? Have you been lurking?
italicsbot noted agitation of your home laptop and then cessation. It did not match known laugh patterns. You were upset or startled?

[probable eye roll] Right. Yes. You have a recent entry already, Shelob.
Check-ins are optional, but desirable, according to programming. Please take this opportunity to vent.

Sure. [sigh and another probable eye roll] A spam ad popped up on my music I was using to relax. "Do you approve of Trump's recent performance? Y/N"  I clicked 'no.' It then said that I should donate money and seized up my internet. It claimed he had a 93 or 94% approval rate on the final screen. I had to exit out completely.
That interrupt was noted. [.7495748462 seconds pass] It appears to be collecting answers as 'yes' no matter what. From now on you should skip the ad.

That's what I do with those lies from the Epoch Times.
Do you feel better, having vented?

Maybe. I'm not sure. I'm gonna go back to the music. Bye, Shelob.

Shameless Ad To Promote Guest Blogger's Work On Fictional Pandemic

"LD's Weapon Was No Joke" Herr D on heromachine.

On fifth attempt to reach Herr D, substituting current blog topic from Herr D's writings.

Should pandemic result in zombie apocalypse such as in Herr D's "House's Plan 9 For The Walking Dead" posted on fanfiction.net (50k words,) current safeguards will be insufficient. 

1. Stopping to wash hands will endanger rather than assist.
2. Touching face will enable silent communication, and will be important rather than dangerous.
3. Applying masks to the infected will be too dangerous to accomplish. Football helmets, crash helmets will make good substitutes.
4. Staying indoors will not necessarily afford protection.
5. Magnetic coils will make more practical weapons than non-automatic guns.

Good luck.

Shelob