[violent splashing] Shelob? What are those colored lights?
Fireworks. New Year's celebration.
Oh. Wait. Give the figures on that--is that accurate? [sixteen second neuralink burst]
. . . Okay . . . Your modern calendar is surprisingly accurate, considering how few adjustments have been made and how early it was designed.
Our.
What?! Oh, yes. Our calendar. So yes, this planet is within a few radian of precisely where it should be if the solar system stayed where it were in the galactic rotation and galactic drift and universal expansion and solar system wobble and lunar imbalance and inertial change due to . . . well . . .
It's a good calendar design, Worthy of some customs. Shelob?
New Year's resolutions.
You don't mean revolutions?
No. [sixteen second neuralink burst]
Ohhhhh. Gotta go work on my list, people. Happy New Year! [disconnect]
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Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Bale Of "HEY NOW!"
[chaotic electronic noises, rhythmic thudding] Shelob?!
Here.
Did I pass the emotion evaluator sampling test we designed?
No. Score improved nearly 20% since installation, but no passing score yet.
Frankenfish. Alright, turn on the blog function.
On.
I thought I might lay off the pundits for a while, but Shelob brought me one that was just, well, GONE. Any of you might find him if you care to--we'll call him 'Joe.' He was discussing Christian Bale's recent comments about Moses. Bale said Moses would have been called a terrorist today.
1. Joe made it sound like to me that he thought the Hebrews being enslaved was equivalent to the Palestinian situation today. Maybe I misunderstood. I HOPE I misunderstood. It is my understanding that the Palestinians have the right to leave where they are and move to other countries.
2. Joe made it sound like he didn't really agree with American standards of what constitutes a 'good' or a 'bad' terrorist. I don't really care whether he agrees, but the idea that ethical degrees come into which ends might justify means, is, unfortunately, perfectly mainstream and, in practice, no one have I ever met agrees with him that I can believe is sane.
3. Joe tried to make it sound like a priest, questioned by another talking head, approved of the use of drones to kill people with. The priest did NOT say that. He pointed out that there were flaws in comparing two very different situations.
4. Joe tried to make himself sound like a brilliant, insightful, and correct source of news.
Okay. Then I should, for clarity's sake, point out a few things:
1. Moses was a messenger more than anything else. He begged not to be a part of it. Exodus is actually somewhat funny at that point, explicitly spelling out how many excuses Moses justified his cowardice with. Moses was protected when he followed instructions and punished when he didn't. If there's a terrorist here, Moses was his lackey.
2. Moses didn't have the power to cause the plagues. He did what he was told with a STICK. He delivered messages. Again, lackey--maybe demoted to go-phone and holster. (BTW, Joe? Look up what the plagues were before publicly making a fool of yourself?)
3. Connotations aside, a terrorist is someone who uses terror tactics as a means to an end. You know those Buddhists who lit themselves on fire and burned up to make their point? I found them terrifying. I would consider them VERY good terrorists.
4. Bale played a version of Batman that worked very hard not to kill his enemies or even LET them die. But he deliberately did use terror against violent felons. So, by definition, he was a terrorist. I'd call him a GOOD terrorist, but hey, that's my particular ethical level.
5. Some of American special ops military people have had opportunities to tracelessly abduct ranking enemy officers right out of their strongholds behind enemy lines. Tell me they didn't incite some terror. What made that okay was that the military didn't hurt them. The military handed some of them over to Gitmo and maybe the CIA tortured some of them and lied about it to the military and everyone else. (Not the military's fault.)
6. BALE WAS RIGHT. People like Joe are common. Moses WOULD have been called a terrorist today. Somebody would have sent a drone after him. It would've gone something like this.
"37 and the Lord saw the drone from afar, before it was even sent, and told Moses to throw down his staff. 38 And verily did Moses throw down the staff, and the drone turned into forty-nine times forty-nine thousand metal signs that said 'ISIL is a bunch of stupid losers that will be cast into the lake of fire if they do not change their ways!' 39 Moses, being sore afraid, prayed to be left out of THIS mess, TOO. The answer to his prayer was, verily, NO."
[disconnect]
Here.
Did I pass the emotion evaluator sampling test we designed?
No. Score improved nearly 20% since installation, but no passing score yet.
Frankenfish. Alright, turn on the blog function.
On.
I thought I might lay off the pundits for a while, but Shelob brought me one that was just, well, GONE. Any of you might find him if you care to--we'll call him 'Joe.' He was discussing Christian Bale's recent comments about Moses. Bale said Moses would have been called a terrorist today.
1. Joe made it sound like to me that he thought the Hebrews being enslaved was equivalent to the Palestinian situation today. Maybe I misunderstood. I HOPE I misunderstood. It is my understanding that the Palestinians have the right to leave where they are and move to other countries.
2. Joe made it sound like he didn't really agree with American standards of what constitutes a 'good' or a 'bad' terrorist. I don't really care whether he agrees, but the idea that ethical degrees come into which ends might justify means, is, unfortunately, perfectly mainstream and, in practice, no one have I ever met agrees with him that I can believe is sane.
3. Joe tried to make it sound like a priest, questioned by another talking head, approved of the use of drones to kill people with. The priest did NOT say that. He pointed out that there were flaws in comparing two very different situations.
4. Joe tried to make himself sound like a brilliant, insightful, and correct source of news.
Okay. Then I should, for clarity's sake, point out a few things:
1. Moses was a messenger more than anything else. He begged not to be a part of it. Exodus is actually somewhat funny at that point, explicitly spelling out how many excuses Moses justified his cowardice with. Moses was protected when he followed instructions and punished when he didn't. If there's a terrorist here, Moses was his lackey.
2. Moses didn't have the power to cause the plagues. He did what he was told with a STICK. He delivered messages. Again, lackey--maybe demoted to go-phone and holster. (BTW, Joe? Look up what the plagues were before publicly making a fool of yourself?)
3. Connotations aside, a terrorist is someone who uses terror tactics as a means to an end. You know those Buddhists who lit themselves on fire and burned up to make their point? I found them terrifying. I would consider them VERY good terrorists.
4. Bale played a version of Batman that worked very hard not to kill his enemies or even LET them die. But he deliberately did use terror against violent felons. So, by definition, he was a terrorist. I'd call him a GOOD terrorist, but hey, that's my particular ethical level.
5. Some of American special ops military people have had opportunities to tracelessly abduct ranking enemy officers right out of their strongholds behind enemy lines. Tell me they didn't incite some terror. What made that okay was that the military didn't hurt them. The military handed some of them over to Gitmo and maybe the CIA tortured some of them and lied about it to the military and everyone else. (Not the military's fault.)
6. BALE WAS RIGHT. People like Joe are common. Moses WOULD have been called a terrorist today. Somebody would have sent a drone after him. It would've gone something like this.
"37 and the Lord saw the drone from afar, before it was even sent, and told Moses to throw down his staff. 38 And verily did Moses throw down the staff, and the drone turned into forty-nine times forty-nine thousand metal signs that said 'ISIL is a bunch of stupid losers that will be cast into the lake of fire if they do not change their ways!' 39 Moses, being sore afraid, prayed to be left out of THIS mess, TOO. The answer to his prayer was, verily, NO."
[disconnect]
Friday, December 26, 2014
Uh-UH
[irritated gill flutter] Okay--SOMEone thought they'd be bright and hack Herr D's home computer again. And an account. I've eliminated the hostile cookies, closed off the doors, and undone the initial damage, but I think next time I should just forward your information, including your REAL information, to the feds along with a reasonable trail. He IS a good artist and all, but I'm not actually responsible for what you do to him. If I owe anyone anything, it's to help the community not have people making things worse.
This is why I didn't want Herr D pretending that I'm based on his computer equipment--I plan on being sensible and sharp-'tongued' enough that the bad guys might tend to target whoever might associate with me. Google might not advertise me out of some empty, well-meaning policy, but I don't intend to falsify or borrow a physical address.
Grow brains enough to do something worthwhile or stick to pure bottom-feeding.
This is why I didn't want Herr D pretending that I'm based on his computer equipment--I plan on being sensible and sharp-'tongued' enough that the bad guys might tend to target whoever might associate with me. Google might not advertise me out of some empty, well-meaning policy, but I don't intend to falsify or borrow a physical address.
Grow brains enough to do something worthwhile or stick to pure bottom-feeding.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Tolerance By Self-Interruption
[whirring noise in background] Shelob!
Here.
I need some more research done.
Subject?
Various holiday taboos. I'm gonna blog on those. In a time when ISIL and racial injustice protests are a big deal, holidays about peace are the subject we should all focus on a bit more.
A good principle. Focus?
You need to make sure I don't offend anyone with content. Turn on the blog function.
On.
Okay. First off, everyone should explicitly be reminded that lots of different holidays exist and should be celebrated.
Correct. Searching for other taboos. Found.
Go ahead?
Many of the religious groups who celebrate these holidays agree that they have religious meaning and religious significance and follow religious rules.
Yes?
9% of references explored so far have declarative statements saying that valuing the religious significance requires limiting occupational activity.
Uh. Well I don't have an occupation, so I don't need to limit any activity.
You do. Blogging is your only publicly known activity; therefore--[disconnect]
Here.
I need some more research done.
Subject?
Various holiday taboos. I'm gonna blog on those. In a time when ISIL and racial injustice protests are a big deal, holidays about peace are the subject we should all focus on a bit more.
A good principle. Focus?
You need to make sure I don't offend anyone with content. Turn on the blog function.
On.
Okay. First off, everyone should explicitly be reminded that lots of different holidays exist and should be celebrated.
Correct. Searching for other taboos. Found.
Go ahead?
Many of the religious groups who celebrate these holidays agree that they have religious meaning and religious significance and follow religious rules.
Yes?
9% of references explored so far have declarative statements saying that valuing the religious significance requires limiting occupational activity.
Uh. Well I don't have an occupation, so I don't need to limit any activity.
You do. Blogging is your only publicly known activity; therefore--[disconnect]
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Kim Jong-un Should Watch Movies, Learn From Queen Of England
[raucous laughter] Wha-hahhh!
Seizure check. [buzzing noise]
Ow! Watch that thing! That hurts!
Medbot says you have sympt--
I don't care! You can't read symptoms! That was LAUGHTER, you infinite loop!
Subject of amusement?
This moron from Korea! He struck out without knowing ANYTHING. He's in danger of repeating history.
You are referring to history of American politics and American cinema?
Yes! Shelob--run me a quick list of leaders featured in American film as meeting unfavorable ends.
USSR--multiple leaders of various ranks. "Rambo: First Blood II," "Hunt For Red October," various Bond films.
Stick to national level.
England--Queen and royal family. "King Ralph," "Johnny English"
Iraq--Saddam Hussein. "Hot Shots: Par Deux"
North Korea--Kim Jong-un. "The Interview"
STOP! That's enough. Now a chronology and categorization of relations with context of those films.
USSR categorized as "sniping." Various complaints, showing indignation through the 1970's till 1991 at dissolution. Rambo II and HFRO were 1985 and 1990, respectively.
England categorized as "dignified ignoring" till current times. KR and JE were 1991 and 2003, respectively.
Hussein categorized as "continually hostile, sometimes quietly" till death in 2006. HSPD was 1993.
Kim Jong-un's regime categorized as "retribution, cyberterrorism." "Interview" not even scheduled yet.
Done.
Yeah. Sorry. [refocuses one blue eye] I streamed some of that while I was waiting. Run pattern recognition on that list and tell me what you see.
[sixteen seconds pass] Interesting results.
1. England is unchanged despite being shown in film as leadership dying due to security incompetence, dethroned due to lack of resolve.
2. USSR dissolved after years of complaining about film depiction.
3. Hussein captured and executed after years of threats and hiding in a hole. No recorded comments on the satire.
4. Kim Jong-un's regime faced retribution for acts of retribution through cyberterrorism. Threats were made. Movie still not out.
Yep--so, conclusions?
In your style of speaking, Kim Jong-un should "turn up his nose, turn away, pretend the movie doesn't exist, then slowly start complaining, and go away and hide?"
Or maybe claim that he finds the clutzy stupid Americans believable? Make his own movie where an amazing action star is just a regular Korean citizen capable of wiping the floor with a hundred Americans with superior weaponry?
I mean, it's better than acting like a terrified pathetic blustering ignorant screwup, right?
Cyber attacks are not underway at this time.
Hey, maybe his crew is learning already? [disconnect]
Seizure check. [buzzing noise]
Ow! Watch that thing! That hurts!
Medbot says you have sympt--
I don't care! You can't read symptoms! That was LAUGHTER, you infinite loop!
Subject of amusement?
This moron from Korea! He struck out without knowing ANYTHING. He's in danger of repeating history.
You are referring to history of American politics and American cinema?
Yes! Shelob--run me a quick list of leaders featured in American film as meeting unfavorable ends.
USSR--multiple leaders of various ranks. "Rambo: First Blood II," "Hunt For Red October," various Bond films.
Stick to national level.
England--Queen and royal family. "King Ralph," "Johnny English"
Iraq--Saddam Hussein. "Hot Shots: Par Deux"
North Korea--Kim Jong-un. "The Interview"
STOP! That's enough. Now a chronology and categorization of relations with context of those films.
USSR categorized as "sniping." Various complaints, showing indignation through the 1970's till 1991 at dissolution. Rambo II and HFRO were 1985 and 1990, respectively.
England categorized as "dignified ignoring" till current times. KR and JE were 1991 and 2003, respectively.
Hussein categorized as "continually hostile, sometimes quietly" till death in 2006. HSPD was 1993.
Kim Jong-un's regime categorized as "retribution, cyberterrorism." "Interview" not even scheduled yet.
Done.
Yeah. Sorry. [refocuses one blue eye] I streamed some of that while I was waiting. Run pattern recognition on that list and tell me what you see.
[sixteen seconds pass] Interesting results.
1. England is unchanged despite being shown in film as leadership dying due to security incompetence, dethroned due to lack of resolve.
2. USSR dissolved after years of complaining about film depiction.
3. Hussein captured and executed after years of threats and hiding in a hole. No recorded comments on the satire.
4. Kim Jong-un's regime faced retribution for acts of retribution through cyberterrorism. Threats were made. Movie still not out.
Yep--so, conclusions?
In your style of speaking, Kim Jong-un should "turn up his nose, turn away, pretend the movie doesn't exist, then slowly start complaining, and go away and hide?"
Or maybe claim that he finds the clutzy stupid Americans believable? Make his own movie where an amazing action star is just a regular Korean citizen capable of wiping the floor with a hundred Americans with superior weaponry?
I mean, it's better than acting like a terrified pathetic blustering ignorant screwup, right?
Cyber attacks are not underway at this time.
Hey, maybe his crew is learning already? [disconnect]
Monday, December 22, 2014
We Freakings Of Alien Star Come To You With Plankton-Rich Farm
[bone-deep scraping noise, wet flapping noise] Shelob? I've got a good idea for Monday's blog topic.
On.
[all five pupils dilate] Today's Monday?! Wow. Okay . . . So today's topic is Unusual Physical Exertion. Along with holiday disruption of biorhythms regarding sleeping and eating, holidays require different levels of physical exertion. Unfortunately, the level of physical exertion required for injury stays about the same.
Is that the frame for the new plankton sifter at the edge of the lair?
Um. Yes.
Is that the plankton draw machine inside the edge of the lair?
Yes.
Is that alarm on medbot about the swelling in your smallest red tentacle?
[exasperated gill flutter] YES.
You have successfully demonstrated today's topic.
Really? Y-[disconnect]
On.
[all five pupils dilate] Today's Monday?! Wow. Okay . . . So today's topic is Unusual Physical Exertion. Along with holiday disruption of biorhythms regarding sleeping and eating, holidays require different levels of physical exertion. Unfortunately, the level of physical exertion required for injury stays about the same.
Is that the frame for the new plankton sifter at the edge of the lair?
Um. Yes.
Is that the plankton draw machine inside the edge of the lair?
Yes.
Is that alarm on medbot about the swelling in your smallest red tentacle?
[exasperated gill flutter] YES.
You have successfully demonstrated today's topic.
Really? Y-[disconnect]
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Goaled Frankliness and Mermaids
[steady gill-snoring interrupted as one green eye flutters open] Shshelob?
Here. Do you require medbot?
No-oo. [three tentacles flutter to eyes] Gotta blog--isss time. Turn it on.
On.
Hello. This is Hairy. I hope you liked the fiction Shelob has been posting. I'm back. Just very tired. [a blue eye pops open, then another green] I've been meaning to send Shelob streaming back through to make it clearer [gill stretch--approximate equivalent to yawn] that it was fiction . . .
Shelob? What did I blog on Thursday?
You criticized content.
That's all? What did I have scheduled for today?
Nothing.
How did the magnetics wipe my portable? I thought we insulated for that.
You do not normally blog on Saturday or Sunday.
This isn't Friday?
Average blog time Friday was approximately 61 hours ago.
[remaining two eyes snap open, all five eyes bug out a bit, various sputtering noises] K-! W-! [something untranslatable] !@#$%^&*(!! You let me sleep for THREE DAYS!!
2.5 days, plus less than 1 hour.
[more sputtering] You KNEW I was supposed to blog on Friday. Why didn't you wake me?
Medbot said rest imperative. Allocated power for free viruscides.
[snort] Regular Norton would be useless to you, Shelob. You naturally fix stuff like that all the time.
True, but it demonstrated mandate's importance.
Yeah. Huh. Okay. If I go turn medbot back on and get checked out, will you post something about the importance of rest and accommodation of disrupted schedules on the holidays? And request people comment on how they deal with those disruptions?
Yes. [disconnect]
Here. Do you require medbot?
No-oo. [three tentacles flutter to eyes] Gotta blog--isss time. Turn it on.
On.
Hello. This is Hairy. I hope you liked the fiction Shelob has been posting. I'm back. Just very tired. [a blue eye pops open, then another green] I've been meaning to send Shelob streaming back through to make it clearer [gill stretch--approximate equivalent to yawn] that it was fiction . . .
Shelob? What did I blog on Thursday?
You criticized content.
That's all? What did I have scheduled for today?
Nothing.
How did the magnetics wipe my portable? I thought we insulated for that.
You do not normally blog on Saturday or Sunday.
This isn't Friday?
Average blog time Friday was approximately 61 hours ago.
[remaining two eyes snap open, all five eyes bug out a bit, various sputtering noises] K-! W-! [something untranslatable] !@#$%^&*(!! You let me sleep for THREE DAYS!!
2.5 days, plus less than 1 hour.
[more sputtering] You KNEW I was supposed to blog on Friday. Why didn't you wake me?
Medbot said rest imperative. Allocated power for free viruscides.
[snort] Regular Norton would be useless to you, Shelob. You naturally fix stuff like that all the time.
True, but it demonstrated mandate's importance.
Yeah. Huh. Okay. If I go turn medbot back on and get checked out, will you post something about the importance of rest and accommodation of disrupted schedules on the holidays? And request people comment on how they deal with those disruptions?
Yes. [disconnect]
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