ESTIMATED: TWO SCIENTISTS BEING COERCED OR TORTURED IN NORTH KOREA

[summoning medbot as Hairy has appeared in the lair at 1:14 EST, but visually incorrect, neuralink eval underway] Hairy? You have returned off schedule.

I saw it, Shelob. I got a glimpse of home. Right before I was yanked approximately North-North-East at a speed of 378 ygs.

By those figures, the eclipse caused your launch failure with an orthogonal force.
 
Doh! I didn't figure in the eclipse. Orthogonal? Yep. Yeesh. Full magnetic effect. That's why my blood heated up so uncomfortably and my tentacles swapped around. My biggest red one was on the other side when I left.

[medbot stands down]

--Why is the lair on radiation protocol?

[neuralink burst, as Hairy is indeed Hairy, of recent nuclear program progress of N. Korea]
 
Ouch. Well, the good news is that out of seventy warheads, it's likely that one or none will strike the mainland.

And the other news?
 
The bad news is that there are a lot of techniques they could use such as 'dirtier' equipment and 'doomsday' tactics. Kimmy-boy is crazy enough not to understand that he will wind up causing his own regime more destruction with his bombs aimed outwards than America is necessarily going to retaliate with. He likely has no idea about most of the more complicated 'aftermath' factors . . .

--Dear Holy Grimminitz!

You have thought of something. 
 
His nuclear scientists must be living a hellish life.

Because?
 
Because, why else except under torture or horrible coercion would anyone give a loaded gun to a maniac?

That is a metaphor?
 
Yes! Metaphor. This might be a very worthy cause . . . blog about this?

Agreed. [disconnect, as initial calculations underway, upload record--]