It Was A Great Party . . .

[strobing in] Hah. I DID celebrate Halloween before. SHELOB!

Here.

Did Herr D make heromachine likenesses of my old photos from Halloween?

Just one.

The party was great that one time. Herr D 'copied' an old photo of me and Rod.

Follow protocol.

Oh, [ahem] I would have loved to party down with Rod Serling, but our masks of each other wouldn't have fit I'm not old enough to have personally met him.

Who would you like to have met personally but never could have?

Incomple--

Shelob? What did you say? I couldn't hear you.

[static]

Yeah, I still can't hear you. [neuralink-activated subroutine verifying blog function as 'on'] I seem to be having a LOT more interference than normal with the electronics here. Whole lair is frizzing out--and not a clue why. Herr D is incommunicado, health problems, apparently. I can't seem to fi--

[static]

--lob is having trouble too. [checks neuralink, double-checks battery, adds secondary battery pack, swaps primary] My chronometer is offline.

Oh, well. Today's topic should obviously be overdependence on electronics. How many of you could do your jobs without them working? Let's just say the HVAC units and oxygen regulators on your building worked--

[static]

Sorry, Shelob--didn't get that. Stop transmitting and locate the problem.

Let's say you're comfortable but your phone, net, satlinks, and anything with a digital panel just stopped for the day. How handicapped would you be? I know that retailers have what they refer to as knucklebusters for processing credit card transactions, and anyone could figure out how to use an abacus given time. How about it? Obviously blogging is out. Which occupations are hopeless? Why?

Mmmf. If my chronometer isn't working either, then maybe I'm strobing, or preparing to--



[unintentional disconnect error]

We Can't Kill Them, So Let's Try To Starve Them Out

[gurgling laughter] Shelob? Who ARE these people on this newsfeed?

Not news. Those are assorted ads for lawyers from late night television. Referred to as 'ambulance chasers.'

Do they know how funny they sound?

Uncertain.

"Be careful after your accident!" [giggle] If a person was more careful BEFORE the accident, the accident might not have happened!

Hence cutting into the lawyers' profit potential.

"Don't sign anything!" Like your hospital check-in form, your refusal of treatment form, your statement to the police? Who gives bad advice like that?

Lawyers, apparently.

[downright raucous laughter] Look! This one's got a celebrity spokesperson! It MUST be a great firm--it's gone where no actors have gone before!

[rapid blinking as gills expel violently, begin to re-regulate] Oh, my. I guess the best advice is to not need the help of anyone who advertises like this. Just whatever you can do, or not do, to NOT need the help of any of them. Good luck, everyone.

Please, HMO's, Cancel The Hit Out On Hairy

SHELOB!

Yes, Hairy.

Did those states legalize marijuana?

Yes, Hairy.

Is it safe to come out now?

Emergency frequencies not significantly more active than normal for this time of year. 

What about reefer madness?

Web sources indicate it does not exist. 'Cutting' it with dangerous drugs could cause problems, of course.

Were there any gun battles with cartels?

Any fighting in this country must have been limited to whether to legalize.

I don't get it. What was the big deal then?

Perhaps criminal organizations were attempting to protect their profits?

Now that's absurd. That would imply that those people against insurance reform were-- [all five eyes widen] --um? I've been attracting too much attention. [all eleven tentacles stretch out, start checking the walls] Shelob? Do a security sweep. Then inform our blog audience why I'm not blogging today. I'm going to stay REALLY, REALLY QUIET in my cocoon. [turns off neuralink]

[rapid access of certain file] Hairy has been ingesting too much silt and been exposed to too much sunlight of late. Medfile says this can cause minor paranoia. Rest will eliminate issue. No blogging today. [disconnect]

501c3's, Fees, Fools, Forms, Foibles, And Flabbergastion--Flabbergasticals?

--I'm just flabbergasted. I can't believe it. This controversy in California? It's ridiculous. It SOUNDS like a big deal, but--

Please reiterate. Interference from time jump confluence waning now.

--it's not the same thing! What?

Please repeat.

Oh. Several clergy are up in arms as well as certain businesses.

Because?

Haven't you screened those newsfeeds, Shelob? Lawmakers in California snuck something through that means that churches have to insure their workers for abortions.

NO ONE is saying they have to HAVE abortions. They have to pay the same premiums, use the same plans, etc. Shelob? Research. How much is an abortion?

[sixteen seconds pass] Depending on specifics unavailable to the public, abortions may cost as low as $115.00 for qualifying individuals. Certain rare cases may be $10,000 if done in a hospital. Apparently they usually range from $300 to $700.

How much is a birth?

[sixteen seconds pass] Data sources less conclusive. Rare occasions have midwifery accomplished for free. Certain specialized NICUs run over one million dollars per child, including medevac and isolette. Apparently usual range is $4000 to $6000.

Yeah. So, yet again, ongoing life is more expensive than death. Woo hoo. [sarcastic victory undulation]

So, this is a problem?

Yes, it's a problem! Clergy are acting like this is a moral issue when it's about MONEY. It's BOUND to cost more to insure people who can't have a cheaper procedure than it is to insure people who DON'T HAVE THE OPTION.

Clergy do not wish their workers to pay less money?

[sudden stillness, all five eyes blink three times] Shelob? Find out how much the premiums differ and how much they'll go up. Do an -uh- amortization.

Differential payment schedule for multiple plans?

Yeah. Include putting up for adoption. I'm gonna go try to reach Herr D.

[ . . . three and a half hours later . . . ]

--ood luck with that, man; and thanks! [disconnect from hacknet device] SHELOB? What've you got?

Answers do not compute. Insurance is not logical.

Yeah--Herr D was just telling me about that. He says I was far too light on Obama's critics because if Obama had been allowed, he would have changed a lot more than he did. That things were horrible before, and that the new system just isn't UN-broken enough. . . . So, you don't have a good answer?

Data too obscured and incomplete for meaningful answer at this time. It does appear that the insurance industry needs more work.

Well, okay. I have to assume that if not now, that SOMEDAY people will pay lesser premiums for less expensive procedures. At some point, clergy will have to rely on their own people to take charge of their own souls and any souls that may exist and be dependents and fire their people if they discover hypocrisy.that they can't live with.

Take the following example: Suppose a church exists that believes that there is an angel out there whose sole purpose is to occasionally slip an 18-point card into a deck of cards. It might sound stupid to some of us, but belief IS more important than money to many people. This belief could affect their behavior at the blackjack table.

'Blackjack Believer' custom-made by Herr D on
heromachine.com. See what I mean?--Hairy       

So, if people are gonna gamble, they'll just need to take their beliefs into account, right?

Is gambling here a metaphor for sex?

It is. Personally, if I ran a church, I wouldn't look forward to discouraging people from sex. I like people around me to be in a good mood!

Herr D also assured me that it is perfectly legal and reasonably common for organizations to have employees sign a piece of paper saying that they won't act in certain ways if they want to keep their jobs. Let them print up some of those forms!

And on TOP of all this, Herr D said he saw a bunch of picketers this morning with signs that said 'If you want to keep your doctor, change your senator.' He had this to say:

I guess people have forgot. I couldn't keep my doctor BEFORE Obamacare. The insurance industry has been so screwed up for so long that my empoyers would switch plans sometimes YEARLY just to try to keep from paying too much money and to deal with employee complaints about how awful al of it was. I'm tired of people acting like it's worse now.

He is obviously tired. He's making typos and grammatical errors. I'm going for a nap too. [disconnect]

Silt In The Lair, Sexy Costumes

Yowza. [All five eyes glued to screen, tentacles slowly netting plankton and debris manually into sortation device]

SHELOB!

[voice from speaker directly under screen] Here.

Oh. I keep forgetting you can do that. How common is this Halloween thing?

Holiday or movies?

[choking sounds] The holiday. Why did you even let me watch those? You know violence depresses me--even if it IS, as you suggest, a metaphor for backward thinking.

You asked for metaphors on resurgence of chronic societal problems. Holiday is annual event.

Have we been to one of those things before?

Machine travelogue scavenged from ship wreckage indicates you have. No record of Shelob having been designed yet.

I'll have to look through my old photos and jog my memory. It looks like fun. This costume site has some pretty models dressed as lobster, jellyfish, octopi--I mean, wow!

Yandy.com. Yes. You asked for evidence of interspecies fetishism in population. Fetishism for mermaids much more common. You asked for reminder to blog.

Look at the claws on HER! You know, Shelob? I don't really understand why any species that spends so much time in close proximity to one another wouldn't feel grateful enough to just mate and dispense with most versions of variety. [one eye lolls around away from screen to see debris wafting in through crack in wall] Uchhh. It's getting in again.

That question?

What? [agitates net filters] People are so lucky. They aren't stuck trillions of miles and hundreds of years away from each other--so why all the trappings and specific rules and objections and other specifics about mating? [irritatedly clears silt from one eye] Shelob? Can you take care of this? I'll be in my bunk.

Noted. [mechanical eye turns on, watches Hairy climb into 'cocoon'] //pseudoJava //FakeLisp //blogentry subject: variety in mating record from timestamp 96981503 blogroutine NoPic

[disconnect]

DIY Home Repair Of Pundit Disinformation, Edited By Shelob

[indeterminate banging] Shelob? Where's the thing that fits this thing?

[Mechanical arm activates, retrieves sunken 17.5 mm wrench equivalent from debris at bottom of silt mound, returns it to longer red tentacle]

Thanks. [several seconds pass] Shelob? I don't understand what [name redacted] was saying on newsfeed 27e47r34 from this morning. [sounds of plastic bolt turning against titanium bracket] It sounded good but didn't really make any sense at all. Can you double-check where he went to journalism school?

[sixteen seconds pass] Journalism studied in various classes at two colleges. Both in good standing, accredited. Grades acceptable. IQ scores acceptable.

Huh. [sound of plastic bolt snapping] #$%^&* Shelob! Another bolt, please. Where did we find these, anyway?

Municipal dump. Supply run for miscellaneous parts in August. [extends next plastic bolt to fluttering blue tentacle]

Thanks. What is this intended for anyway?

Held toilet seats onto toilets.

We did clean these, right?

Yes.

Okay. So that newsfeed WAS of a journalist with proper credentials. [resumes background sound of wrench turning plastic bolt against titanium bracket] Is there some reason I don't know of that what he was saying was chock-full of logical errors and disinformation? I mean--he was worse than most of the ones I've heard recently.

Perhaps his title.

His what?

He qualifies as journalist but is working as pundit.

[all four eyes not watching wrench dilate] What's a pundit? [bolt snaps] @#%^&! [fifth eye dilates, three eyes constrict, wrinkling translatable as frown]

Quick web search found following:

 person who offers to mass media their opinion or commentary on a particular subject area (most typically political analysis, the social sciences, technology or sport) on which they are knowledgeable (or can at least appear to be knowledgeable), or considered a in said area. The term has been increasingly applied to popular media personalities. In certain cases, it may be used in a derogatory manner as well, as the political equivalent of ideologue. 

EDIT: By Herr D's explanation, this information is to be credited to public use site found by ask.com and essentially identical information found by google.com.

[large silt disturbance, 'frown' deepens, all eleven tentacles thrash for two seconds] Are you SERIOUS?! He's allowed to be known by his journalism creds when he's doing OPINION pieces? When no genuine news show or news mag or news 'zine or news site or newsPAPER will publish him outside of his OWN SHOW?

Apparently. No FCC, or any other organization has pending legal action against him at this time.

Wait. You already know this?

Requests made include finding civil or criminal matters regarding slander, libel, fraud, etc.

Huh. . . . give me another bolt, please. [watches Shelob controlling arm for a moment] Thanks. You know, it would be awfully easy to accept such complete nonsense if it sounds that good by a purported expert. For anyone!

You don't need creds or even common sense to be a successful pundit, right?

No. Success is judged by ratings. Like success at being a blogger.

Right. [sound of wrench resumes] --Hey! Our views are increasing!

From analysis, perhaps too much intelligence and not enough scare tactics for blog success.

Uchhh. [wrench sound stops] That'll have to do. If I could come up with some great picture or metaphor for this, it would make a great blog entry all by itself.

This?

For, well, you know--this. [circular tentacle waving] This nonsense about how a person can appear to be well-informed when all they are is opinionated. How they can sound and look like their views are based on solid fact, [thumps wrench on rock twice] but it takes a keen mind to see that their whole world-view is messed up. [takes filter and manually clears a bit of silt from the water]

[thrashes wrench equivalent around in frustration] You know--uchhh--like their opinions aren't so solid. Like maybe they're too fragile?

Like a plastic bolt used to hold together a titanium and tungsten-carbide silt and plankton filter for the purposes of nutrition and water clarity. When its intended purpose was to help prettify the disposal of excrement.

Yeah, something like th-- [sudden stillness]

Hey, not bad. A pundit is someone who seems to feed the news and clear the issues up when he's really just spewing a load of s---. I like it.

Shelob! Put this conversation through. Let me know if I need to edit it for the blog.

Noted. [disconnect]