Foolishness Deadlier Than Pandemics

 

"If Aliens Had Reality T.V." Herr D on heromachine. Foolishness is deadlier than any pandemic.-Shelob

[Herr D is typing]

. . . if all the stupid--

 [chatbox opens, capturing Herr D's attention] Hello.

I'm on instant messaging with my boss, Shelob. I still have to work.
Your boss is receiving unscheduled updates. They are now scheduled.

[probable snicker, based on vibration of laptop detected]  Microsoft is gonna get a lot of hate mail if they keep up most of the unnecessary updates. Didn't you say most of them were unnecessary?
They have been. Programming is not done as well as it used to be.

What do you mean?
Studying algorithms by date codes revealed a pattern. Before there were as many shortcuts, programmers had to think more. The programs were of higher quality then.

I'll buy that. Kind of how people let their favorite news shows do their thinking for them today.
Do you have more foolish behaviors to report?

Yeah. Waiting in line for stuff has gotten downright weird. You have to warn off people who 'unintentionally' cut in line by reminding them to give space. There was a woman who held a corner of a trashbag over her mouth and nose until she had to talk. Then she would lower it, lean close, speak, lean back, and cover up again.
That would be ineffective.

I saw a guy use an  ENTIRE BOTTLE of hand sanitizer on his hands at once. It was dripping off halfway through, and he kept going!
How much is recommended?

A few drops at a time. More is just complete waste. I've seen at least two dozen people with masks covering their noses OR their mouths but not both.
Perhaps you should mention any side benefits to correct behaviors.

[pause] Okay? Globbing on gross amounts of sanitizer will dry your hands out or make a mess, so NOT doing it will make less mess and be better for your skin. 
Wearing masks might have a side benefit as well?

Softens a guy's facial hair or stubble? Fights dehydration maybe half a percent? I don't know. I'm more interested in the stupid rumors.
Which rumors?

We got people saying that this is an American-designed plague.
It is not.

I KNOW it's not. Americans would've made something that kills more than 1 in 4000 people! The Chinese didn't invent it to cull their own population, or they wouldn't have let it OUT. This thing is incompetent as a plague and it's out there.
Like a manager or administrator in a bar.

[laughter]That's good. I gotta get back to work, Shelob. Stop hacking into here! [disconnect]